I was doing therapy for sexual abuse when my kids were pre-school. I feel so bad. Their memories are of me being "tired" and "depressed" at that time. They remember me exuding "self-hatred" at the time. It is so hard to know I harmed my kids this way. As I went through my diaries from that time in my life, one thing I would really do differently and that is "Take Breaks" from the therapy. Put my therapy issues into an imaginary "sealed container" and up on a shelf out of the way I think would have helped while I was at home.
Also, I took lots and lots of "postive parenting" classes, and learned how to validate their feelings and allow them have feelings; all the bad feelings too. This was so important to do. It also helped me re-parent myself, validate myself. When I viewed my kids problems as huge problems to them, it helped me validate them. Their problems may be a torn piece of paper and they start crying because their picture got torn. To them that is just as important if one of my work contracts got torn and there was no copy, it was an original contract. When I viewed their world from their perspective I had a lot more patience and validation.
The "edgy" part of ptsd i used klonopin in the tiniest dose, and then practiced validating my own feelings, recognizing this rage and anger is at the past not the present.
If I had the therapy to do over again during that time of my life, I would have taken big breaks from therapy and let my nervous system calm down and then enjoy my kids for a while. Therapy can rev up the nervous system so horrifically. I have learned that "movement" is better than 'meditation to get out of dark depressed thinking. A good house cleaning session, gardening, running, biking, swimming. etc.
Also, I took lots and lots of "postive parenting" classes, and learned how to validate their feelings and allow them have feelings; all the bad feelings too. This was so important to do. It also helped me re-parent myself, validate myself. When I viewed my kids problems as huge problems to them, it helped me validate them. Their problems may be a torn piece of paper and they start crying because their picture got torn. To them that is just as important if one of my work contracts got torn and there was no copy, it was an original contract. When I viewed their world from their perspective I had a lot more patience and validation.
The "edgy" part of ptsd i used klonopin in the tiniest dose, and then practiced validating my own feelings, recognizing this rage and anger is at the past not the present.
If I had the therapy to do over again during that time of my life, I would have taken big breaks from therapy and let my nervous system calm down and then enjoy my kids for a while. Therapy can rev up the nervous system so horrifically. I have learned that "movement" is better than 'meditation to get out of dark depressed thinking. A good house cleaning session, gardening, running, biking, swimming. etc.
