Supporter Partner Of Ptsd Girlfriend

[Trice]

@Justmehere @24paws We're in Wisconsin. I'll definitely look into it.

 

[Trice]

I need help in dealing with these petty arguments. I would really like to move forward with our relationship.

 

[24paws]

Yes, they have Family Support groups, education meetings for everyone, Connection groups (for the person with the illness). They also have 10 or 12 week "classes": Peer to Peer (for the person) and Family to Family (for the family).

 

[24paws]

I need help in dealing with these petty arguments. I would really like to move forward with our relationship.

Have you ever been able to deal with petty arguments? We always have, so in times like this when her PTSD "flares up," we are able to discuss things, although lately it has not been until the next day. As I said, she is my ex - we officially broke up just over a week ago and after several days decided to "start over." Then, last night, things got bad we are officially off again, not even starting over. For now, we will continue to live together, in separate rooms, but not continue the relationship for now. Hopefully, we can continue the relationship as we both still love each other deeply and feel we are soul mates.

 

[Trice]

Thank you for the info.

 

[Trice]

I've been able to deal with them in other relationships. I never had to deal with them to this extent. I really understand how you feel our whole relationship has been off and on. At this point I'm numb to the making up to break up again.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome.

I see you as someone who is taking on the blame or responsibility for her issues. You can never love her enough? This isn't going to ever end. Yes, my mother was the same way with my father. It will eventually break you. He finally threw in the towel and is so much better off as he doesn't live his life thinking "what do I have to do to make her happy?"

PTSD doesn't heal on it's own. I am a sufferer and to be honest, I think it's very selfish for sufferers who are not engaged in healing to be in a relationship. Essentially it's saying to your partner that your behavior is ok and that you don't value them enough to want to treat them better.

Your relationship isn't going to move forward until she decides to get help. Sadly, she may have no reason to want to get help. A lot of sufferers won't get help until they hit rock bottom by losing everyone or everything. My rock bottom was almost dying. If she knows you'll accept her behavior, what's her incentive to heal?

 

[Trice]

Thanks Solara,

That's exactly how I feel. I think our last argument was it for me. I love her and want the best for her. I truly am starting to think I've become an enabler and I want and need to correct my own behaviour.

 

[24paws]

Solara, you brought up some excellent points, especially the point that there is no incentive to heal if the behavior is accepted.

 

[Echo]

@Trice - talk therapy doesn't work for everyone. I can't cope with it. I am working with a trauma therapist who uses sensorimotor therapy, which is a way of working with the body to release trauma very gently. Talking can really retraumatise people, particularly those with multiple traumas dating back to childhood predating anything that may have happened as an adult.

To familiarise yourself with the approach, you may want to read books, such as Peter Levine's 'Waking the Tiger'. He explains the somatic therapeutic approach very well.

I would definitely advise you to get therapy yourself if you wish to remain in this relationship, but essentially your girlfriend needs to take responsibility for her own healing and get herself some help that does help. There are just so many approaches out there, with or without medical support (I don't take meds either), so maybe the first step is to research the options. But that will have to come from her. You may just wish to inform yourself so you know what is out there.

 

[Trice]

How do I show support without enabling?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Trice,

Welcome to the forum!

Your question is great and at times there is a fine line between supporting and enabling. For yourself, set the boundaries of what behavior you find unacceptable and communicate those boundaries. If it occurs, leave for a bit or do not engage so you don't end up in the enabling trap. No one can "fix" anyone else, and it is entirely up to your girlfriend to take the steps to get better. You can encourage, listen, learn about it, offer practical assistance (like a ride) etc., but remain honest and don't validate excuses.

Debbie