Partner refuses to get help. looking for insight

[Epel]

I personally believe you are right Hosol. I'm a supporter, my husband is the sufferer. And because his withdrawal, avoidance and irritability affect me, I in return affect him with the way PTSD works.

But relationships take 2. And if I want to be in this relationship I must work on me and allow him to work on himself. I have to be willing to allow him his moments and work hard to not allow his PTSD to control my emotions. Self worth comes from within. It's a partnership and each one needs to hold their own accountability for it to work. It's my choice on how I allow the PTSD that sometimes to consume him, not to let it consume me. So we as supporters can not blame our insecurities on our sufferers. We and only we can control our thoughts and find strength within!

 

[Opuj]

Thank you for sharing this. I am going thru something extremely similar with my fiancé, which is why I turned to this forum. I am completely at a loss for what to do. As far as I know he has never been diagnosed with ptsd, but he suffered terribly during childhood (was orphaned), saw active combat in Afghanistan, and has almost all of the symptoms, including last night, uncontrolled shaking of his whole body. I am so worried about him. He claims he doesn't want to run, but he feels compelled to. I keep trying to tell him there are things that can help the battle of the mind, but he doesn't believe anything will help him. Like you, I too have worked on my anxiety issues. (I was diagnosed several years ago with acute adjustment disorder which I think now is considered a mild form of ptsd.) for me it was not mild though, so I can't even imagine what it must be like if the diagnosis is full ptsd. And similar to your story, I thought I was doing better, and that we were doing better, but all of the sudden in the last week it's like he has completely changed, regressed to a very scary spot. I really want to help him, but I don't know what to do.

 

[Epel]

That's the cycle of PTSD. Things can be awesome for hours, days, weeks or even months and then boom out of nowhere PTSD roars it's ugly head and you feel like you just got sucker punched and never saw it coming. It could be caused by a trigger or to much stress and it flips your world upside down. You suddenly feel like your living with a complete stranger and PTSD has taken them away from you. You panic and you feel unloved and helpless but the more you try to push for answers the deeper into themselves they fall.

Times like these you need to find your support elsewhere. You need to educate yourself and try and understand PTSD. You need to take care of yourself and allow them their space. Don't panic just realize this is normal for many sufferers.

Believe in yourself and support from afar. Sometimes being there for them may be just sitting in the same room without talking. Don't over analyze things. It's not you and they can't just get over it or suck it up. They don't even understand themselves so how are they going to explain it to you. The more panicked, hurt, confused you get, the more guilty they feel.

It sucks!!! It never goes away. It's not easy but self care is they key to survival. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's fight or flight mode. I know how desperate, insecure and hopeless it feels. It's heart wrenching but keeping yourself busy and happy actually helps them. Hang in there. Episodes come and go. Some worse than others but patience, respecting boundries is the key to survival! Hugs and prayers goo g your way!

 

[Igiw]

Being scared to look at the abuse and not being ready to deal with it are the two main problems I've had to cope with throughout my healing journey. They haven't been one time situations either. PTSD has been called the curse which keeps on cursing. I find that true with every aspect of my healing. Sometimes I'm more willing to delve into something disturbing and potentially triggering and other times I would rather just remain f*cked up. Sometimes f*cked up is safer. And then I gain the courage and wherewithal to venture further down the road in my healing journey. It's not something I can be pushed or coerced into doing either. I must make the choice to heal more on my own.