Iv now been in a relationship for 11 months, previously I was in an physical and emotional abusive relationship for 5 years, I also have abandonment issues. I had 2 year gap between my abusive relationship and my current one, during the gap I was healthy, had lots of copying mechanisms which were positive I was motivated and really changed my life around.
At the beginning of my new relationship my partner had an accident and then became depressed, he became very controlling and possessive during this time but I decided to stick it out as I knew it was because of his depression.This went on for around 3 months, he then got therapy and snapped out of it. I however did not, I began to feel bitter, I started getting flashbacks of my past relationship, nightmares and I started feeling rage. I had no control over my emotions and my partner gave me hardly any understanding or comfort when I felt like this,intact he refused. He would often shut me out as he couldn't deal with how I felt, I'd get angry because he wouldn't care for me and would often tell me I had a problem and was crazy and not normal,which lead to me being aggressive and smashing objects, screaming. Things really got out of hand. My partner did know about my past and I did explain to him how I had ptsd and occasionally he would be there for me and show understanding.
Reacently though Iv been in therapy and he has been trying to change his depressive mood by going out more and doing things he wants. Iv really struggled with spntanious decisions to go on nights out, when this was something he never did. I know I was being possessive and tried to speak to him about certain things which would help me keep control as it's overwhelming for me right now ( I'm working on it in therapy) ... these were discuss with me first before making plans, let me know the time you are leaving and will come home.(these are answers which he would expect from me Also). However he refuses to, he resorts to calling me not normal, crazy and often tells me I ruin everything for him, that I'm a horrible person and a psycho. He thinks I'm selfish, selfish for asking these questions, selfish for my rage, selfish for not being able to control myself, selfish for not doing what he tells me to when I feel like this ( which is get over it). I totally understand that you can not control a person and I don't need to be told that it's my problem. I dealt with this as MY problem for 7 years. I just don't know if I'm crazy to expect someone to give me a break for once and help me when I need support or some boundaries to help my feel secure?
At the beginning of my new relationship my partner had an accident and then became depressed, he became very controlling and possessive during this time but I decided to stick it out as I knew it was because of his depression.This went on for around 3 months, he then got therapy and snapped out of it. I however did not, I began to feel bitter, I started getting flashbacks of my past relationship, nightmares and I started feeling rage. I had no control over my emotions and my partner gave me hardly any understanding or comfort when I felt like this,intact he refused. He would often shut me out as he couldn't deal with how I felt, I'd get angry because he wouldn't care for me and would often tell me I had a problem and was crazy and not normal,which lead to me being aggressive and smashing objects, screaming. Things really got out of hand. My partner did know about my past and I did explain to him how I had ptsd and occasionally he would be there for me and show understanding.
Reacently though Iv been in therapy and he has been trying to change his depressive mood by going out more and doing things he wants. Iv really struggled with spntanious decisions to go on nights out, when this was something he never did. I know I was being possessive and tried to speak to him about certain things which would help me keep control as it's overwhelming for me right now ( I'm working on it in therapy) ... these were discuss with me first before making plans, let me know the time you are leaving and will come home.(these are answers which he would expect from me Also). However he refuses to, he resorts to calling me not normal, crazy and often tells me I ruin everything for him, that I'm a horrible person and a psycho. He thinks I'm selfish, selfish for asking these questions, selfish for my rage, selfish for not being able to control myself, selfish for not doing what he tells me to when I feel like this ( which is get over it). I totally understand that you can not control a person and I don't need to be told that it's my problem. I dealt with this as MY problem for 7 years. I just don't know if I'm crazy to expect someone to give me a break for once and help me when I need support or some boundaries to help my feel secure?
