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DID Parts and Awareness

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Do/did you ever have trouble knowing who is fronting? Or who is feeling what? Who is creating passive influence? Or confusing one part for another?

I'm co-conscious, but I have trouble with all the above.

I feel like so many people have this clear awareness of their parts. I'm not sure if that's something that happened over time or it's so much clearer to others?

My parts tend to keep a low profile and try to stay in line, so it's not always apparent until I notice little behaviors, demeanor, clothes choices, their gender, etc.
 
I've only recently become aware that all of the parts that I created during my childhood are still there - in spite of many years of intensive treatment and my not being aware of them for decades afterwards. I think as the phobia of your internal processes lessens and your are able to tune in more, you will slowly become more aware of what is going on. A lot of times for me its only after the fact that I am able to tell what was happening and who was whispering to me or making decisions.
 
I feel like so many people have this clear awareness of their parts
That's only come with therapy & experience for me. For several decades, I was only aware of Little Wendell, and not always aware of what he felt.

What I was aware of was a lot of internal body pains, conflicting thoughts (part of me loved sex, parts of me found it terrifying, for example), general anxiety, and feeling like when people tried to comfort me, it only made it worse.

Reading stories about DID, I started to think I definitely do not have DID, but I do have a lot of similarities.

I think as the phobia of your internal processes lessens and your are able to tune in more, you will slowly become more aware of what is going on.
I learned to listen to what's going on. And then it became clear there was a conversation. I remember walking in the fields, and I would be saying things and sobbing and feeling completely distraught, and then an adult Wendell voice would answer in a calm and sob-free voice, and then the dstraught sobbing voice would return. Really intense!

One thing that helps: I "check-in" with everybody. Parts that are calm are easy for me to find (sleeping, doing something benign, just watching). It's often the part that's upset that is hard to find, and I have a clue to look for when that part is missing.
 
Yes, I have troubles with that. And somewhat different than some of the others, I am having more troubles lately not less. Therapy has helped a lot with giving us cooperation and communication. The other thing that has helped is that we are all changing, so things are a bit confusing.

I'm not sure it's always important to know. If you can find ways to cooperate and understand what's going on for your system as a whole, then you don't always need to drill down to figure out who and what.
 
I mind not knowing who is up only if it interferes with the task of the day, or if there is fairly clear awareness what to do... and nobody able to do it. (Depression or high anxiety is kind of bummer with that.)

Or in the case of Wrong company, wrong impression / protective people still hanging around just to make sure and leaking through, with coming across less chill or the wrong kind of chill than I would have liked. Mostly we talk through a loot of nonverbals and emoting and what is polite gestures wise and tonality because that is one thing where we are not on the same page. Less in internal experience, more in coming across and reactions to danger.
 
Early in my diagnosis I had problems with all of this. I developed pretty good communication as time went on and was gradually able to identify whoever was in front and connect feelings with particular insiders.

Communication has been critical for me. Sometimes I don't understand, for example, why one of my little ones behaves in a certain way or says a certain thing, but if I ask, they often tell me if someone has been picking on them or has instructed them to say what they said.

I'm still not aware of the activities of several of my insiders and even the ones I know very well have this whole other life going on I don't know about. I hear about it, but usually from the others.
 
The overall sense I get is that it's not too important who is out and that I'll get a clearing understanding with therapy, experience, and communication.

I learned to listen to what's going on. And then it became clear there was a conversation.

This is where I'm at. Before I realized I had parts, the host overheard two of them arguing over what to eat. A clear, coherent, conversation of distinct parts though mundane in it's nature. I try to pay attention to the thoughts/words that may be there in the feelings. I'm starting to be aware more of how their thoughts "sound" in my head.

One thing that helps: I "check-in" with everybody.

I'm not sure how to check-in with them. I can't perceive what they are doing. I can only sometimes sense they are around or not, fronting or not. Otherwise it's like they don't exist. Yet they seem to know what happened. My therapist once said something about a single room and each one just takes their turn to speak. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

Communication has been critical for me.

I try to communicate but I don't always get a reply, especially if someone is upset. This has been hard because someone is upset and I'm not sure what's wrong or how to help. I just try and comfort whoever is upset.

Or in the case of Wrong company, wrong impression / protective people still hanging around just to make sure and leaking through, with coming across less chill or the wrong kind of chill than I would have liked. Mostly we talk through a lot of nonverbals and emoting and what is polite gestures wise and tonality because that is one thing where we are not on the same page. Less in internal experience, more in coming across and reactions to danger.

I relate to this. My protective parts are not well suited for casual social engagements. As you said, "wrong kind of chill" or "less chill" and they do leak through. Sometimes necessary, other times it's harmful.
 
Yet they seem to know what happened.
Yup. Mine often listen, even if I'm not aware of it! With practice, I've been able to put the Littles away by taking them to safe places, at least some of the time (not today).

Checking in was easier after I had more experience doing therapy with each one individually, and after they each had safe places (where I could often find them). Checking in for me is not so much a conversation as it is getting close to switching, but not switching to them. Opening up my consciousness to their consciousness. But I think this varies a lot from person to person.
 
I'm not sure how to check-in with them. I can't perceive what they are doing. I can only sometimes sense they are around or not, fronting or not. Otherwise it's like they don't exist. Yet they seem to know what happened. My therapist once said something about a single room and each one just takes their turn to speak. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

Do you know anything about your internal landscaping? Ours is very complex and once I started learning about it, I realized there really were no safe places inside and certainly nowhere everybody could go to talk. My therapist encouraged me to create that place, and I did - a house with lots of bedrooms and a conference room. Nobody would use the bedrooms or living room, but we did meet in the conference room a few times. It was very helpful.
 
Yes. Especially in front of the therapist since she encourages me. I'll be talking and it's like all of a sudden I sound different. Or I look at her and I feel different and it just switches. What were those things we looked through and saw 3D pics? (Way back in the day) You put that little wheel in it with the pictures. It was red. Like that sorta.

It seems if I think about it it fades away. But they just take the mic and start talking. They blurt stuff out and I'm like WTF?
 
I'm co-conscious, but I have trouble with all the above.

Same, in most cases I don't find it clear who is doing what. It'll just be "some/one of the others are...." or "some/one of the others feel...." etc. Sometimes its clear who specifically it is, but not as often as it being unclear.
 
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