Past Wives And Girlfriends And Flirting

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Since my 2 abusers were male, I avoided men for so long...But now I have a tendency to flirt with men. I just use them for emotional support and to prove to myself that not all men are going to injure me.

 

[Corrineecakes]

I think my husband has ptsd and he just reurned about a month ago so I'm new to this But I feel like he's reaching out to an ex too. I've tried to be here for him and accomodate his needs. It's so difficult. I think I know how you feel though

 

[MTravis86]

How long was his relationship with his ex? He may have co-dependency issues he has not been able to deal with too- feeling guilty for some reason.

 

[MTravis86]

Perfectly Flawed, Not all men are abusers, but some men feel that way about women too, and it is tough to find that person that suits you. If you are not ready for a relationship that helps the guy know not get his hopes up too. I am not fan of abuse of any kind. My ex was abused by her family for 13 years, it was hard for both of us. I don't wish any abuse on any person. I recognize I wish I had us and her in therapy early in the relationship. Remember you deserve to be treated right and be happy.

 

[Lina]

I do not think this is about Ptsd, but a character problem. He seems to want his cake and eat it too. Just my opinion.

I have to say, I'm in agreement with this sentiment. I think one of the hardest things for those of us with PTSD is to trust that not all of our feelings relate to PTSD, or are a result or tainted by it. If you're uncomfortable with the actions of someone you're in a relationship with, honor yourself. You deserve someone who will respect and honor your commitment to each other. Unfortunately, this also means some people may be more inclined to try manipulating us, as well. Trust in yourself.

If it's any help, I recently ended a relationship with a man who had similar behaviors. When my head starts spinning, you're playing games, and I've been through too much in this life to willingly sign up for feeling bad. Big hugs. :)

 

[SpokaneSunshine]

Some people are just flirtatious (both men and women). I completely empathize with your concern though. You might want to evaluate your relationship and decide if you're compatible. I recently and briefly dated a guy I liked a lot, but he was very verbal about other women, and it bothered me (there were some other things as well, but those are off-topic) . I realized that he is who he is, and I shouldn't be trying to change who he is to accommodate my happiness. That would not have been fair to either of us.

 

[Anna]

Everyone flirts, but you do not ever do it or speak of other people you find attractive in front of your partner!! It is disrespecful!

Nothing wrong with window shopping as long as you do not try or take the goods :P

On another hand, my partner would go on and on about his ex. He does not have PTSD, it seemed to be a period of which he was getting over the relationship. It annoyed the hell out of me, strangely I became friends with his ex and we would meet. We became girlfriends... then it annoyed the hell out of him her calling me all the time. We are no longer friends, but I accepted the situation.... was not nice.

I would get revenge then by bringing my exes up every time he would start which shut him up. He would then stop talking about her.

I flirt, but would never do so in front of my partner. I also know the boundaries. If someone does it in front of you that is completly disrespectful. I have had exes even kiss people in front of me... those relationships went on the burner pretty quick.

 

[kabeh394]

Speaking as an "ex" and current "silent supporter". our relationship lasted 4 years, and it was great (or so I thought). One day, he came to me and said "he needed to do things on his own". This stemmed from a disagreement we had earlier that morning because I told him I couldn't run our household by myself (things you never say to a PTSD sufferer 101) but in my defense, this was pre diagnosis.

I found out as our relationship ended that sufferers often revert to "fight or flight" response.

In my experience, Luke felt/determined he could no longer care for me the way he thought he should, (this is a common one as I have learned) and I "knew too much", I too was starting to have suspicions, asking questions about one person in particular (a fellow classmate I didn't trust from the get go), I respected Luke's privacy, and made my feelings clear but I let him know I supported his decision, and that I trusted him!

I hate to sound like this but I feel a sufferer will always have a plan "B" and probably "C" and "D" as well. As long as everything is fine, there is no threat but if the threat becomes heightened, it's time to go.

If he is keeping in touch with these women and not communicating openly with you about it, trust that he is hiding other things as well, your only scratching the surface! But also know, he can't necessarily help it and prepare yourself for what may happen should you decide to put your foot down.

Luke started his new relationship "officially" just five days after I left our home, it was the first and last time he ever put his hands on me, I was not sticking around. He refused treatment, was discharged from a hospital, on some pretty heavy meds, and that was the last time we ever stood in the same room together. That was 10 months ago!

I have met "in person" three other PTSD supporters who have similar stories, one lady had a gun pulled on her, two others found letters, emails and texts from other women where the husbands were complaining about their wives or not disclosing they were even married!

If what you are describing isn't PTSD, I would dare say it's at least not uncommon behavior for somebody with PTSD, whether that is behavioral or not.

I am no MD, but I have seen that death stare and watched the man I love look at me as if he were going to kill me for breathing, I know he is capable of cheating and not thinking twice about it, and I know that there are probably others who can relate to your story as well!!!

I hope this helps!