Sexual Assault Penn State Scandal?

[healingangel90]

For those of you in the US, the Penn State scandal has been on the news a lot the past day or two. It's been extremely difficult at home with my parents bringing up the topic of child sexual abuse and seeing how uncomfortable and clueless they are about it. They refer to the crime as 'it' and they just don't seem to understand. I was going to finally come out and tell my dad about the sexual abuse I had faced from my grandfather next week, but now I feel like it's just one more reason to keep this secret a secret.

 

[cherryblossom]

Generally speaking people don't understand things that don't effect them. If your parents know little about sexual abuse then I would say its 'normal' for them to feel uncomfortable and clueless.

You were obviously feeling close enough to your parents, in that you were planning to discuss your abuse with them. I know nothing about the Penn State scandal, but I hope this doesn't put you off talking to them.

Maybe you could use it your advantage, and tell them that hearing about the scandal makes you feel even more sure that you should tell them about your past abuse.

I'm not saying that telling your family will be easy, but given the chance, they could be very supportive. Unless you tell them, you will never know. . . .

 

[healingangel90]

The scandal is pretty much about some very important people at the university being fired because one man sexually abused about 20 young boys that they know of and others hadn't reported it even when they had witnessed the abuse. I guess it's just hard seeing all the different reactions to this, but I know it's not a subject everyone can understand. I am pretty serious at this point about telling my dad and really hope I'm able to go through with it. I know it's going to be really tough no matter what his reaction is, so I think I'm just at the process of mentally trying to prepare myself for whatever the outcome may be (even though I don't think I'll every really be prepared lol). But thank you so much for the reply and support. I really appreciate it.

 

[ptsdkate]

I've had a very hard time with the Penn State situation as well. Like you, I was assaulted as a child, and like you, I never told my parents. In the last couple of days, I've talked to both of my parents on the phone, and they've both mentioned the story. I wish that I could tell them what happened to me, but I'm just not there yet, so talking with them about the Penn State thing is excruciating. (I know that if I ever DO tell them about it, they'll be very supportive, but I'm just not ready.) It's too bad I'm not there yet, though - the Penn State situation might have been a good way to open up the conversation and take it to where I needed it to go.

Good luck in telling them, healingangel. If you're ready to tell them, then go for it. You can do this. ((((hugs))))

 

[healingangel90]

Thank you so much Kate! I'm going to talk to my therapist about talking to my family, and hopefully bring it up next week. I'm trying to have it all planned out so maybe it'll take a little bit of all the fear away? But opening up with the Penn State situation would be a really good idea.

 

[Powder]

You can never know how people will react to things or what they have lived through that will affect those reactions in them. It's not about how well we tell them, it's about how well they listen. Nobody is able to tell a difficult thing 100% effectively for the listener; sex abuse is so traumatic to think about, mush less, talk about, so we can't expect ourselves to deliver it "the right way." That is just not realistic. So however people take it, it is there's and not ours.

 

[healingangel90]

Thanks a lot Muse. That's a good way to look at things. And you're right, it's not realistic to expect a person to talk about something so traumatic and have it come out exactly how we want it to. Unfortunately, my family didn't do a very good job with this. They've acted like I never told them anything and still have relations with my abuser. It hurts a lot, but I can't force them to react differently.

 

[Howard Beal]

Healingangel:
I do wonder if there is too much prep in bringing out the news
of past abuse. It seems the best laid plans could go badly.
I told my mom just a little bit of info and she acted like she didn't really beleve me. And downplayed it to the point it was meaningless. So be ready for some different types of reactions and how to counter them.
Good luck when and how you tell.

 

[healingangel90]

Howard, you're right. I've told several people up until now and gotten a very different response from them all. And I don't think it's gone according to plan even once lol! Luckily there's been a little more good than bad, but the hardest/most important person I told let me down - my dad. Sorry to hear you've been through the same thing with your mom.

 

[LaurenInWonderland]

Hi, I'm not in the same position as you all because the only person I could really tell knew it was happening anyway but I have told my boyfriend of 4 years about what happened and I just want to say that there is people out there who will listen and make you feel somewhat better about talking about it, my boyfriend is great with it he just lsitens he doesnt say too much and he knows when to stop asking questions and that makes it a lot easier.

What I'm trying to say is, even if a parent doesn't take it well, that doesn't mean everyone else will take it badly and you shouldn't stop trying to open up to people. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of and I think speaking up, as hard as it may be, is the way to remove the stigma of shame and secrecy and therefore make it easier for people in the future to out there abuser.