People Being Told They're Too Broken For Therapy

[Deleted member 19804]

I just wanted to put this out here and see what you think.

It seems to be a recurring theme here that people are told by their counsellors, therapists and psychiatrists that they're broken beyond repair and then sent away. Personally, I have been lucky enough to have never been treated in such a way, but just the idea of it happening to others makes me very angry.

I am a psychology student and I am still "naive" in the sense that I want to make a difference in this world. I don't even want to be a therapist, but I do know that unconditional acceptance of the client and always striving to give the best care you can, are two of the most important values a professional psychologist should hold onto. I find it very shocking that there are so many people being shown the door, or being misunderstood by the people who are supposed to increase their clients' self-insight and help them grow as people.

Not being able to help someone because their specific problems are beyond your expertise is one thing. But just telling a person they can't be helped and leave them in the cold to figure things out by themselves, to find a good doctor on their own? At least refer them to one of your colleagues! I mean, if someone with a large, bleeding wound shows up on your doorstep and asks for your help, do you shut the door in their face or do you call them an ambulance?

I just don't understand how things like this can happen. Have therapists or other professionals in the mental health field treated you like this? What do you think of it? I'd like to hear your opinion.

 

[digger]

I wonder sometimes how much comes down to projection and personal interpretation of what is being said. I'm sure there are some crappy therapists that do this, but I also think it's worth keeping in mind that you only see one side of the story here. For example if someone believes themselves to be broken, and a therapist, for whatever reason is unable to help them, the person may take that on as validation of their own belief of being broken. It is not necessarily what the therapist is actually saying.

 

[arfie]

I am not anything near to being a therapist of any kind, but I have been faced with having to tell people I cannot help them for a variety of reasons. In the cases where I was in a position to hear the reactions, not one of the reactions matched my actual reasons. Not one.

I have also struggled with rejection issues. I have come a long way, but my mind still goes haywire when I am turned away from anything for any reason. It can take me a long time to calm down. It is still an accomplishment for me when I can keep from exploding at whoever is tasked with turning me away. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS HARDWARE STORE DOESN'T SELL PUMPERNICKEL!!!!

 

[Hashi]

I just don't understand how things like this can happen.

I think it's very difficult to comment when we hear only one side of things. So much depends on whether we (as survivors of trauma) have identified the type of therapy that would be best, and the type of person the therapist is, whether we have the same beliefs about trauma and recovery/management/healing and the extent of the therapist's training and experience and whether they are able to work with our particular type/s of trauma.

I was working with a counsellor who was a perfectly fine counsellor for what I was consulting him for, when I began to recover memories of trauma. He advised me that this was beyond his training and experience, and I think that was the right thing for him to do.

I'm very aware of people sometimes saying that they went to a therapist because the therapist had a PhD, or was on their insurer's list, or what their state healthcare offers, or they had heard that CBT and EMDR were the "recommended" treatments for trauma/PTSD or other reasons. Often, it isn't obvious from what people say that they researched different types of therapy and thought about what might suit them, talked to therapists in advance about beliefs and expectations, had their own criteria about what was important for them, and checked all this out before picking a therapist. Alarmingly often, people will say that they don't even know what type of therapy their therapist of 10 months practices, or what the therapist's qualifications are.

There are also some people who go into therapy with a belief that nothing can help them and the desire to substantiate that, or an underlying urge to sabotage therapy because they can then avoid addressing their anxieties about it.

There are those who are vulnerable and can't see red flags about inappropriate signs with inappropriate therapists. There are also some awful and/or inappropriate therapists and some truly dreadful state provision (I'm in the UK, I know this from experience).

In addition, my experience of people's posts here means that I also allow for the fact that it might be the client getting in the way of their own therapy, even though they think it's not about them but is all down to the 10 therapists they've tried so far (or the nature/extent of their trauma, which I think is often a big false trail - I've experienced the kind of traumas that people often cite with this idea, and I don't think what they say here always stands up).

It isn't always the case that a person who has had bad experiences with multiple therapists might need to reassess their own role in that, but it is possible.

And hard to know when you hear only one side.

 

[keifer]

I'm fairly stable now. When someone calls me Broken, I just acknowledge my mind is frozen time and not everyone progresses. My life to live, not theirs. Last time I checked, there is no required timeline. The goal is to live and try to cope productively!

 

[Justmehere]

I think some therapists and professionals with very good intentions get in way over their heads. They either have their own unresolved issues, or they do not accurately evaluate their capabilities.

I have found that the therapists and doctors who are able to stick it out with patients are not necessarily doctors and therapists with huge capabilities, but people who understand their own limitations and work inside of them.

I find that the people who become judgmental, rejecting of clients, and do not unconditionally accept them tend to be people who really want to help but more in a rescuing co/dependent way... And out of poor management of their own boundaries and their own stuff (and everyone has stuff) they get in way past their limits and boundaries. Once their own stuff is deeply triggered and they are not managing it well, or they've gone way past their own boundaries in well-meaning attempt to rescue someone - that's usually when people start criticizing judging and rejecting people.

This is just been my own personal experience. This may not be a common experience for other people. As a helping professional myself (but bit a therapist) and as a client, I have seen this happen from both angles again and again and my own personal life experience.

It's really a sad thing. I've talked with friends and colleagues who are therapists, about their battles in these areas. It's really sad thing, but here in the United States, from what I've seen in my own field and from friends in the therapeutic field, sometimes there can be a culture that the therapist is never supposed to ask for help, many struggle with keeping boundaries and recognizing our limits.

It's hard to do because they go into the profession generally because they so do deeply care.

I have been on the side of being a client who has been abruptly rejected because a helping professional got in way over their head with me. It is deeply deeply deeply painful and wounding. My biggest regret is that they did not have the courage to realize their limit and they within them though that way they could have hung in with me for the long-haul.

In the end, I hope that there is a continuing and increasing culture shift within helping professions where people who help others are supported and encouraged to ask for help themselves.

In the meantime I have a new appreciation for having a therapist with kick-a*s boundaries who is willing to ask for outside supervision and help when things get tough, has done therapy herself, and gently doesn't allow me to unintentionally push her past her limits. It's sadly something that is hard to find where I live.

Those are just my thoughts.

 

[Notsowild]

I was in a "Courage to Heal" sexual abuse group. The therapist said to me " I've never heard such horrific abuse before". She never elaborated on it and I was left stunned. It was my first counselling group, where I thought I could meet people that could relate to about my abuse. This just made me feel like more of an outcast than ever before.

 

[broken brain]

In my experience, the help I can pay for has been the most successful. Guidance counselors (in school setting), social workers (hospital), school councilors (at college/university), native healers, psychiatrists (only dole out meds, too busy to offer help) and family doctors (all free in my country) have told me my problems were more than they can treat. It's disheartening. And it hurts seeing the pitying look on someone's face and hearing "Honey, I can't help you, but don't give up" This is the first time I've been able to afford real therapy, but it's so, so expensive.

 

[Mayday]

I have been told by a psychiatrist 'I cant help you' and then shuffled out the door, still in tears, to go pay my bill for that session. Mind you, that same psychiatrist also suggested 'You should do something with your life, like get married and have some babies'.

I have had other experiences with pyschiatrists and counsellors that were damaging. My current psychologist is wonderful though.

I know we only hear one side of the story here but there definitely are mental health professionals who are misguided. I do think the majority are in that profession because they want to help.

 

[scout86]

There is a big difference between "I can't help you" and "You can't be helped".

Everyone is right, we generally only get one side of the story. My T says, "Communication is what the hearer hears, not what the speaker says." Maybe dealing with garden variety relationships, you can cut the speaker some slack for being clueless. If you're talking about someone who is supposed to be a trained professional, then I really think they have an obligation to make sure of what the hearer heard. And, if THEY can't help someone, they should help them find their way to someone who can.

My T gives me the impression that he believes the only people who can't improve are the ones who don't want to. He says he doesn't work with sexual predators much because most of them aren't motivated to change and he thinks working with someone like that is a waste of his time.

I think there are times when a professional might be in over their head. I think there are people who won't improve, for a variety of reasons. Maybe they just never get the right chance. I refuse to believe there's anyone who can't be helped, with the right opportunity, once they realize they need help.

 

[Springer80]

discussion with gp (I didnt realise I had ptsd at the time) ~

me. Im really struggling, I dont feel depressed but I do feel traumatised.

her. What happend to you?

me. I was raped by my dad, aged 12.

her. 12?! Couldnt you have done something about it?

 

[Justmehere]

@Springer80 - oh my gosh, how awful of him to say! that is just ridiculous! I'm so sorry he said that to you. wrong, just so wrong...