People I perceive to be weaker than me fill me with rage and disgust

[SA-nix]

The title says it, but its what I feel alot. I hate other people I perceive as weaker than me and its bit me in the ass for far too long. Its not like I hate small children or anyone physically weaker than me, but just a certain kind of person. Someone who begs for sympathy and pity all the time from EVERYONE. Someone who never takes action in their life to fix things. Someone who always has an excuse ready for why they didn't succeed at something. And someone who just lets the same shit happen to them over and over again but never even tries to change the situation. But at the same time I've been that kind of person many times in my life. I allowed myself to be out of control enough it got me arrested and couldnt simply get my shit together and behave like a normal kid. I just stood there and let a man molest me, I didn't run or scream or try to rip his throat out. I stood there and took it when he berated me and humiliated me for my perceived sexuality after the fact. I allowed myself to be physically hurt and never retaliated for it. I chose to never go out and get some sort of personal revenge, I never went to law school like I wanted so I could rage against the legal system here in an act of defiance and revenge. I spent too much time in my early 20s floating about in school and work and never having some sort of direction and only by sheer force of will was I able to claw myself to some kind place where I was successful, and then I was partially to blame for blowing up that life. I was absolutely shttiy to my partner and now ex-fiancé because I saw in him the same kind of weaknesses I had and they hadn't even tried or worked hard to get to where they were because they had more support than I ever will (major jealousy issue there I know).

And the opposite is true of me as well. People who seem confident and very much together leave me kinda fearful and nervous. People who ooze authority and just have that walk kind of and hold themselves in a certain way make me want to leave the room when they are around, like they are suffocating me.

So that is a big cognitive distortion I have.

 

[arfie]

full-out empathy, sa. i've managed to whittle the responses to this phenom, but it still persists. works in progress.

in my own therapy sessions, i concluded that my own rendition is, "self-loathing." the people i perceive as weaker are typically suffering similar psycho ticks as i. there, but for the grace of god. . . hanging out with such folk feels rather like a recovering alcoholic hanging out with drinking buddies. even when i can muster a modicum of compassion for them, i deeply fear the positive reinforcement of my most destructive symptoms. the confident folks who give me that oppressed feeling are most often playing on my fear of success and/or commitment. with success comes responsibility i am not at all prepared to handle. shoot. . . at 69 years old, i'm barely housebroken. social skills? ? ? i've read about them and watched some youtube videos. i'm not sure what language the authors/presenters were speaking.

i've never pondered the cognitive distortion angle, but it seems fair enough to call ^it^ that. by whatever name, it is a mean-assed symptom.

 

[MaplePancake]

I relate a bit. I guess I don’t think too much about weak people. I do get intimidated by self confidence though. As I got older I have been learning that self confidence people aren’t actually smarter than anyone else. They can just compartmentalize their weaknesses so they don’t feel overwhelmed by them. I think they are also good at ignoring or dismissing facts that may hinder their view of things. It is an interesting cognitive distortion for sure

 

[Indie RN]

The title says it, but its what I feel alot. I hate other people I perceive as weaker than me and its bit me in the ass for far too long. Its not like I hate small children or anyone physically weaker than me, but just a certain kind of person. Someone who begs for sympathy and pity all the time from EVERYONE. Someone who never takes action in their life to fix things. Someone who always has an excuse ready for why they didn't succeed at something. And someone who just lets the same shit happen to them over and over again but never even tries to change the situation. But at the same time I've been that kind of person many times in my life. I allowed myself to be out of control enough it got me arrested and couldnt simply get my shit together and behave like a normal kid. I just stood there and let a man molest me, I didn't run or scream or try to rip his throat out. I stood there and took it when he berated me and humiliated me for my perceived sexuality after the fact. I allowed myself to be physically hurt and never retaliated for it. I chose to never go out and get some sort of personal revenge, I never went to law school like I wanted so I could rage against the legal system here in an act of defiance and revenge. I spent too much time in my early 20s floating about in school and work and never having some sort of direction and only by sheer force of will was I able to claw myself to some kind place where I was successful, and then I was partially to blame for blowing up that life. I was absolutely shttiy to my partner and now ex-fiancé because I saw in him the same kind of weaknesses I had and they hadn't even tried or worked hard to get to where they were because they had more support than I ever will (major jealousy issue there I know).

And the opposite is true of me as well. People who seem confident and very much together leave me kinda fearful and nervous. People who ooze authority and just have that walk kind of and hold themselves in a certain way make me want to leave the room when they are around, like they are suffocating me.

So that is a big cognitive distortion I have.

Your recognition precedes a breakthrough. Always. It's easier for you to think that you are so contemptuous of others when you are actually questioning your ego. Ego no likey!
Lay that mf out! You have contempt for those you perceive as weak which IS your mirror for your self-contempt. And the real you knows that you're not weak and that your ego just fears it.
What you are is confused and dysregulated. Me too, friend. Totally confused about how to make like a "success" by common standards. It's a real cognitive dissonance clusterfk.
Once you really start strengthening your self-compassion neural pathways, you will think differently about others. But in the mean time, you have unreasonable expectations to ensure that no one, not even you, can measure up to your standards.
Your uneasiness around confident people is a little voice assailing your ego, telling it that "you've sure talked big in your life but failed to deliver." The reason you didn't go to law school is because there wasn't an authentic reason and desire, just anger and rage. You can't really make yourself do things completely inauthentic to your being without descending deeper into cognitive dissonance, but you can convince yourself that you're a failure because you didn't do law school.
Congratulations on resisting plunging deeper into that confusion and a life of arguing that is not meant for you.
You're going to get out of this mental jail you were PROGRAMMED to keep yourself in.
I guarantee you: I know it doesn't make much sense, but if you can really do the work on self-compassion, you WILL come into your authenticity. Then you'll be able to recognize, name, and put in their place, those feelings of uneasiness and disgust. Because they go way deeper than the words and the initial feelings. It's the fear that you are hesitant to uncover.
That's cool. Do it anyway, though, because that's brave.
This has been in your subconscious for quite a while and your conscious recognition of it means you are already working to expel this cognitive dissonance. What's next?! :)
Very self-aware of you. Very very awesome. Keep trudging through the mud. Keep doing what you have to do to find your way back to who you really are. That's what we have to do, my friend.
THIS is your path so you have to come back to reality and start from where you are, not from where you regret not being. Cultivate your moment to moment awareness of negative self talk.