Undiagnosed People Who Get It?

[jocko]

Hey I'm jocko, I really struggle with being lonely and feeling desperate to connect to people. I've only recently come to realize whats probably been wrong since I was a kid. The last few years have been psychotic and I'm glad to have gotten into a DBT group because I never want to go back to how dark its been ever again. It feels like a horrible nightmare.

I live in a basement as a near recluse so I really struggle with knowing how to be around people. I get out more now but its still excruciatingly empty, especially in this crowded town. I just walk in malls and watch people. I've always watched people but they don't feel so far away now ....yet that feels bad too, closer but still really far away. The paranoia and shame isn't so crushing now too, that feeling that I'm going to lose it at any damn moment.

I'm 29 and feel alot of shame about being like this, sort of retarded and having gotten nowhere in my life, just mental problems since childhood. Its strange, feeling different finally but then like flipping back to the other me at a bad time but realizing it and trying to remember... does that make any sense? Its scary that I didn't notice these flips before, those crazy ups & downs; I don't feel as crazy now but its still very confusing. Ive missed out and wasted so much time though and feel really jealous of all these seemingly normal people around me. Its embarrassing but i really feel this hunger to touch someone too.

Thanks for reading

 

[arfie]

Hi jocko. Welcome to the forum. Can I congratulate you on another step forward? I find that taking the time to celebrate the small steps helps make the next step much easier. Helps me move away from all that shame and moodiness I have beat myself up with entirely too many times.

I used to experience allot of jealousy over the "seemingly normal people" but somewhere along the way I realized I was comparing my insides to their outsides. Not a fair comparison. We all look 'seemingly normal" to somebody.

There is nothing wrong with wanting touch, jocko. Welcome to the human species. I am convinced the whole species is hardwired to crave touch. I hope gentle cyber-hugs can sustain you until you find flesh and blood touch.

Welcome ((((jocko))))

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hi Jocko, welcome to the forums. I am 29 too and I could've written your post. I feel you.

We are here for you. Thanks for sharing.

 

[franciemarnie]

Welcome Jocko! People understand here, that's for sure.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Hello and welcome, Jocko!

I can relate to your post, especially where you said you felt like you have missed out on a lot and felt like you wasted so much time. I feel like that too.

I hope you will stick around and get to know some of us and find the hope and support you need.

 

[novemberDark]

Hi jocko,
Lots of good people here, welcome to this forum.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!

 

[ms spock]

I'm 29 and feel alot of shame about being like this, sort of retarded and having gotten nowhere in my life, just mental problems since childhood. Ive missed out and wasted so much time though and feel really jealous of all these seemingly normal people around me. Its embarrassing but i really feel this hunger to touch someone too.

I totally relate to the shame of having gotten no where in life.

I am a tactile person as well. Touch is so important to me. But being based as a tactile person means your learning process is different from kinesthetic, visual or auditory people.

 

[jocko]

Thanks everybody

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.