People who know, but don't *get* it.

[EmmaOwl]

it didn't upset me in a PTSD-way - no panics or anything and I was able to speak in a straightforward way without falling apart in public. [...] In retrospect, the one hesitation I have is, the Capitol-blowing-up thing... [...] I would expect him to know better

if you are capable of being annoyed/angry/frustrated at a medical professional for not remembering to avoid your triggers...they aren't triggers, but stressors,

@joeylittle, I'm not sure who or which comment you are writing about here.

I never said it was a trigger nor a stressor. I've never even used those words when speaking about myself. But thanks for the suggestion about trying to deal with stressors, whatever they might be. I know some people use those terms, but I've never felt they applied to me. If it WAS a stressor, then I think coming on this board to post my little story was a decent way to at least get started in dealing with my admittedly PTSD-tinged view of the world.

Ok moving on:
There is a big difference between my casual "I would expect him to know better, and I'm kinda surprised he didn't." and totally different from thinking in an angry or upset way: "I certainly expect any health care provider to know better!" I think the latter is completely unreasonable.

That might be the disconnect in this conversation. I didn't mean I would expect any dentist to know better! I didn't even mean that he SHOULD know better. I was a bit surprised and caught off guard. I was surprised, because, based on our previous interactions, I'd expect he would know better. But he didn't. That's okay.
I was surprised he said what he did. That was not an ideal 10 seconds in my life, but there you go - I don't expect him to try to understand.

I'm not annoyed at him. I'm not annoyed with anything he said. It would have been nice if he didn't say it, but that's life - not his job to worry over. So I came here to post a little about my life. I don't expect him to get it. I don't expect anyone to get it. He's a very caring person but there was that small disconnect between the two of us. Surely you understand feeling a disconnect, without it intruding into PTSD-territory. I wish he got it. That would be nice, but it's not the end of the world if he doesn't.

Sometimes I wish more people in general understood. But I'm not annoyed or mad or upset, and in fact, he and I had a very good and friendly appointment yesterday and he was his usual charming self.

 

[EmmaOwl]

It would be nice, like I said up thread, but it is not obligatory.

This is exactly what I mean. I am so sorry, now, that I couched it in a long story... my head was kinda buzzing around and I didn't even get to my point until the end of my long OP. That's a good way to cause some confusion - I'm sure some people read it, or started to read it, and thought, "What the heck is this Allie person talking about??"
So yeah. Albatross you put it very succinctly - thanks for that!

 

[EmmaOwl]

Loved your detour lol!! Interesting! I love his rouge ways lol :p!

We all need a good detour once in a while! :)

 

[EmmaOwl]

If you seem functional, people really don't get it. Not unless they personally see shit hit the fan...

What's funny... not amusing, but an anecdote... they once gave me anesthetic which included a new kind of drug, and I FLIPPED and had to leave without being treated. SO I've got that "bad drug reaction" that I feel haunts me. Probably nobody cares - it's been a couple of years now - but it is easy to become embarrassed when you know everyone has seen you react in this bizarre way. And actually it had absolutely zero to do with PTSD - but I bet a lot of the people there connected the two. Oh well that's just too bad.

But you know, "roles" at different places in your life? I turn into the charming jokey person in there. I'm in there so much... They also know I'm ill, but I play a schmoozer of sorts, and they love it. That IS a nice thing, when you can give people a laugh... those are stressful jobs. You're dealing with people in a lot of pain and so on, and of course no one wants to be there. So I play my expansive self, saving serious issues for the one-on-ones with my own usual dentist.

I had a friend drive me to the dentist yesterday and he was very impressed when the staff, from the desk, the assistants and the hygienists, to a couple of the dentists, all greeted me by name, and they knew I was in extra pain and they all wanted to give me a hug lol Really it's better not to know everyone at your dentist's office that well!

 

[EmmaOwl]

I deal with trauma from being orally raped and trauma from having about 8 teeth (I had double sets of several adult teeth) pulled as a child WHILE I WAS NOT NUMB.

Aha! See, I have some parallels here although I almost never say that. I have an extremely overdeveloped gag reflex, for example. I know I have to tell that to my dentist and I know that if I tell him why, he will listen. He has done so.

Worked carefully and we have all spent a lot of time talking - my dentist, me, an endodontist, and a patient advocate. We do indeed have a plan to keep as many of my teeth as possible while still keeping in mind that I have PTSD and other health problems that really need to be taken into account.

My dentist would never say, "Oh, this medication is causing dry-mouth [ALL my meds cause dry mouth ARGH], why don't you skip this one or replace it?" No. "Why don't you get a mouth guard from the pharmacy?" No. He knows I'll gag, so there's no point paying the money. He even knows that keeping fluoride solution on my teeth overnight is impossible for a couple of different reasons. We work on this stuff. (I have had similar discussions with eye doctor, though not quite as intense - dry eye, insomnia, different problems but in the same vein.)

So my dentist does know what is happening and what has to be done and why. And he takes time when I need it to explain more extensively. I never thought of it as "trauma based care" but that phrase makes sense to me in light of the work and treatment I've been receiving. (Hope it's worth it.)

In some respects, because of all this, he knows more about me than my psychiatrist does (true!).

He is a person who does know...but now I think he doesn't quite get it, due to slip-ups here and there. Hence the title of this thread. And that's ok. But sometimes venting helps, and I find this board to be exceptionally helpful for things like this.

Also, @desiderata310 , with the supernumerary teeth. As a child, I had some teeth pulled in a similar fashion. Not 8 but I do think I understand to some extent. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. All that you've experienced. Some of it is truly torturous.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I saw a previously kids's gone adult's dentist in KS that totally got it. I freak at the dentist. Being held down in a chair with a guy hovering over me, holding my mouth open, using machine noises. Yeah, too much like my trauma. I do good if I don't have a complete melt down right there. But I didn't have to tell him anything. He just got it. He would give me breaks and even leave the room if needed. If I even looked like I was about to freak he would stop and ask if I was ok.

I have not found another dentist like that sense. Sadly as at 36 I likely need dentures as all my teeth are rotting out of my head. Also not my fault but there are VERY few dentists that arent also judgemental thinking, you never brush your teeth or something. I told one "I wasn't allowed to brush my teeth as a child" and he was repeated me in a very judgemental WTF? tone. It was so hummilitating. So I just dont go.

I would say the dentist in KS got it cause he was previously a children's dentist and likely came across traumatized children. Other dentists don't have that experience.

In my life, if someone wasn't traumatized, they have a very hard time getting it. I have had a few that sort of did but generally, I work and half way function so I am "normal" and just complaining too much.

Pain, no one seems to get pain unless they too have chonic pain or have had a lot of pain. Dentists, in my experience, don't give out many pain meds. What you got is what they give out generally. I dont get it as they are putting you in a lot of pain but thats in my experience. People not in pain dont get pain, in my experience.

 

[Deleted member 541]

People don't get it. I've never had a broken bone, so I don't know or can comprehend what that would feel like. So people couldn't possibly understand what we feel, think, feel. Or why we act, react or how we handle certain things and situations.

I've attempted suicide and have had people ask me WHY I would do that. Really??? Unless people experience exactly what we go through, then NO they will NEVER get it!!!!