Physical problems interrupting being in a better place in other areas

[Finchlet2]

My life is in such a good place right now relationships wise with hubby kids social workers friends and even extended family. I have never had any of this beauty in my life before and I am seriously grateful so why now with the physical interruptions of the past? I am in agony when all I want to do is give the amazing beings around me my undivided attention. I need answers before this goes to far and I lose everyone I love cos these pains are alien to them. Empathy can only go so far when the matter that's still drowning me is invisible. They kept pushing me to the brink of death then not letting me die. That was real but its in the past. I was waterboarded. This choking drowning pain keeps interrupting my present and left unaddressed is threatening to destroy my future. I am seeking answers today I complained to my gp for trying to sedate me to numb the problem and they surprised me by saying come back in today and we will try to understand Deep breath. Jump.

 

[digger]

Is this the same problem with your throat from a few months ago?
Gp treats me like my life is disposable
Did you manage to any of the further investigations done they were talking about doing?

 

[Finchlet2]

I ended up running away not long after that post. The pressure of not being heard was destroying me but I only made things worse for myself, timing was shit too I ended up spending the of the coldest weeks this winter on a unheated church floor with grabby handed alcoholics then whet not I got transferred to a refuge I called my partner and begged to come home. They did an Ultrasound on the upper neck end of Jan but it didn't show anything conclusive. I'm not making it up though I'm really not. This is right now destroying me. Went back to go who cos I'm on a bit of a state crying just told me I wouldnt be given any further investigation and to basically jus take my citilopram and shut up. I am not taking citilopram. I have started folic acid to help my mood though as I'm depleted. I told him I was leaving the practice and I've just found another go to register with on Monday but this constrictive chocking drowning sensation is challenging my resolve strength and ability to hold on to some semblance of sanity on an hourly basis and am for the most part having to hide it from loved ones as I'm only welcome here on the basis of no dramas. It's starting to make me feel very frightened and isolated again.