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HealingMama
MyPTSD Pro
Updating...
I found a therapist that specializes in dissociation. There has been a bit of a rocky start. I almost blacked out one day. I had another day where part of my body dissociated but the rest of me felt normal. That was so weird. I had a few weeks where after every session for about three days I would be dealing with significant depersonalization and feeling half me, half someone else. I broke through that and have been doing much better.
The protector that was attacking my husband has backed off.
I am mapping my parts. I continue to be very curious to Know The Answer about what sort of system I have, whether "just" CPTSD or something else. Working with myself as a collection of me's has been a huge source of improvement and progress.
Today we connected with a mother part. She is trying to share warmth with us, and with the rest of the world. We have a different part that isn't fully on board with it, and are going to keep collaborating so we can be sure the movements we make are comfortable for everyone in the system.
For my relationship, I am mostly on my best behavior at all times, and my husband is trying to get started with trauma therapy because my acting out in the past has given him trauma responses according to him. I am trying to help him find someone to see. I have stopped having impulsive needs to end the relationship at the first sign of trouble... and now I am trying to hold space and hold strong while his reactive attachment issues come out. It's very hard to do :( I get very sensitive to any sign that he is not seeing the present reality. But now that I am not so anxious and aggressive, we are getting along better. We went on a family vacation that was wonderful (perfect timing too, the destination had JUST allowed proof of vaccine for an easier entry, and it was right before Delta started messing up everything again).
And amazingly, husband and I have been sharing a bed too. It started out of necessity on the vacation but has been sustained mostly without any problems since then. There was a small issue night before last, but we had a good conversation about that last night. We used to not be able to do this, and when we tried again the first sign of trouble I'd throw him out of the shared bed. It's really not surprising he's having a bit of trouble snapping his fingers and being in a different space with me.
I found a therapist that specializes in dissociation. There has been a bit of a rocky start. I almost blacked out one day. I had another day where part of my body dissociated but the rest of me felt normal. That was so weird. I had a few weeks where after every session for about three days I would be dealing with significant depersonalization and feeling half me, half someone else. I broke through that and have been doing much better.
The protector that was attacking my husband has backed off.
I am mapping my parts. I continue to be very curious to Know The Answer about what sort of system I have, whether "just" CPTSD or something else. Working with myself as a collection of me's has been a huge source of improvement and progress.
Today we connected with a mother part. She is trying to share warmth with us, and with the rest of the world. We have a different part that isn't fully on board with it, and are going to keep collaborating so we can be sure the movements we make are comfortable for everyone in the system.
For my relationship, I am mostly on my best behavior at all times, and my husband is trying to get started with trauma therapy because my acting out in the past has given him trauma responses according to him. I am trying to help him find someone to see. I have stopped having impulsive needs to end the relationship at the first sign of trouble... and now I am trying to hold space and hold strong while his reactive attachment issues come out. It's very hard to do :( I get very sensitive to any sign that he is not seeing the present reality. But now that I am not so anxious and aggressive, we are getting along better. We went on a family vacation that was wonderful (perfect timing too, the destination had JUST allowed proof of vaccine for an easier entry, and it was right before Delta started messing up everything again).
And amazingly, husband and I have been sharing a bed too. It started out of necessity on the vacation but has been sustained mostly without any problems since then. There was a small issue night before last, but we had a good conversation about that last night. We used to not be able to do this, and when we tried again the first sign of trouble I'd throw him out of the shared bed. It's really not surprising he's having a bit of trouble snapping his fingers and being in a different space with me.