HealingMama, you need to do these actions not him! Manipulative people won’t change they can’t. You have got to take the steps and do it. 2018 I started having “emotional flashbacks” and I started seeing my friends as they are instead of what I thought they were. I also asked them to change: as in, stop lying! I would have gotten more results asking for a dog to change! It was painful but I did it; and learned that without the children that I called friends I suddenly am able to take care of myself better bc I don’t have them as an albatross around my neck dragging me down emotionally, financially, etc…keep going do this for your kid if you can’t do it for yourself!You apparently cannot accept me with my flaws the way I've accepted your adhd.
I keep getting hurt by your inability or unwillingness to be emotionally present empathically even in times of deep pain or need.
I have done a lot of self work and nothing will ever be enough. You will never give me approval, care, safety, warmth, concern again. If you were able to then you would have.
I do not think it is healthy for me to be trying to earn those things. They should be freely given.
The healthy thing is for you to make space for me to find a partner that is willing to meet my needs without me having to prove myself or somehow erase parts of my core self like you'd have to cleave away your adhd.
I deserve to be with someone that is willing to accept me as I am and love me as I am. Not someone that will only meet my needs if I put myself in a perfect container.
As I said before I need you to follow through on it bc I can't.
I need you to stop hurting me by keeping me in a space of hoping for something you'll never give me. For something you are capable of doing but won't.
Please do not make me stay in this situation anymore.
It is bad for my self esteem and mental health to go months and years being told through actions that I am not worthy of having my basic relationship needs met.
As I read your words I was really loved my struggle with my fiends was exactly like yours’. Generally me pleading with them to make changes. And them continuing their behavior.
It is painful to see you go through this but the idea of change is in your mind and that is good!! Keep moving forward.