Pissed Off And Mad About It!

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Livid, livid livid!
It has been a hellish, costly flipping week - emotionally, financially and, the internal boiling pot continues it rolling boil while I struggle to use 'tools' to calm my anger - guess what? I did not want to be calm! Being calm - has not proven effective. Asking nicely, doesn't cut it.

 

[anni]

It's a little tough to answer a post when someone is so genuinely angry, and no doubt with reasons. You don't like to come across as somehow invalidating, you know? It's just that hopefully you've found something to do with all this, since having that adrenaline rampaging through the system is kind of awful for you, physically and mentally. Yes, hard to break that loop especially if there's been no resolutions, I know. I hate to sound obvious, but if there's some good, hefty physical 'thing' to launch into it really can be more than just distracting. I'll stop there so I don't sound like an idiot since most people already know this stuff so it's probably annoying to have someone say it. It's also your thread and the other things which can be really helpful is to just write it all out, say arrggghhh and leave some of it here- although realize that also sounds a little simplistic compared to what you're feeling at the moment.

I hope something works for you-it's awful to have this stuff boiling away in one's head in that dreadful loop it gets into. Do take care.

Anni

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Anni, arrgghhh! Exactly how I feel - and why? Everything I need to express won't come out of my head. So many wrongs. My problem is communicating what I'm thinking without sounding selfish. E.g., Three grown adults - in a month's time, only twice - someone else washed dishes. I'm gone the entire day - come home dishes piled high. Go to get a cigarette and my pack is empty. Then someone used my Lincoln, ran over a boulder cracking the caliper -$226. The list goes on of costly infractions- See, I ask nicely - "Could someone else do the dishes?" And I'm ignored. Now, I get pissed - break a glass in the sink cause I don't want to wash it - then - I get a results - people get up and help cause I am pissed off. I'm babbling - I'll come back to this -

 

[intothelight]

Hi Linda,

I have teenagers still at home (one in high school and one in college), so I absolutely know how frustrating this can be. (Assuming the adults are your children.) It is OK to scream arrgghh! There are times I walk in after working 12+ hours and I wonder if they are blind or have "housework avoidance issues". The thing is, all people feel this way. It's just this PTSD makes even life's little irritations go out of proportion.

I am a big believer in paper plates, cobwebs can be decorated seasonally, and if they can't do their laundry then they need to turn their underwear inside out to add a day! I guess I try to reduce the things that can stress me since the only person I really have any control over is me.

I hope you can work this out and find some peace. Home should be a place of refuge, not a consistent source of stress.

Deb

 

[Kintsugi]

Aw, dear Linda Lee,
I hope you'll forgive my informality and familiarity, but you've given me such strength with your responses to my pain. I am so appreciative of your participation in this forum. I'm not trying to make this into a gushing session. I just think you have such a wonderful personality, such a trooper.

If I were in the situation that you have described (albeit minimally, so I don't presume to know the panorama) and was able to keep a cool logical person in my brain, I would tell myself to take some time out to soothe my adrenaline and anger. I have different needs in different circumstances, so sometimes I just write violently, sometimes swim till I'm afraid I'll drown from pure exhaustion, go rock climbing and take it out on the wall, go for a run with my puppy, watch Adam Sandler movies. Whatever. Then I would tell myself to compose a letter after I have collected my thoughts, maybe giving myself some time to think carefully beforehand and just take a little time off from focusing on my frustrations and instead refocusing on my needs. There's a difference there that is sometimes hard for me to find. But, you know, it's sort of just the typical switch from, "You are___" or "You do ____" to, "When I see you do ____, I feel _____" sort of thing. I often outline my letter before writing just to make sure I cover the points I want to, since writing can get emotional. I make bullets of what I'm trying to say and am as clear and non-aggressive as possible. If I start to get off track while writing, I refer back to my notes and regain my cool.

These are some things that work for me, though I don't always put them into great practice. It's an ideal that I try for when I have the head to remember these things.

And I think it is okay to tell your friends/livingmates/family/whoever that these words are not optional. They must be read and heard. It is a matter of respect and willingness to communicate, and when you share a relationship with someone, you have a right to those things. The right to express and be acknowledged in that.

A great woman once told me, "Hang in there, sister. YaYa!"

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Trying to hang in just got off the phone with my daughter - Point of tears ... I'm hurt - no relief in sight - if I fall any further into debt because my granddaughter's parents refuse to help financially ...

My God, I will be on the streets ...

I understand drowning from pure exhaustion.I dance and workout. In fact, I overwork myself with everything. I actually can do some carpentry - plastering - roofing, etc.

Manual and mental projects are another vice sometimes - my hands and body is bruised from overworking myself to exhaustion. No Joke, just never mentioned this before - My best friend calls me "rainwoman." Regaining cool at moment though my tears were there, thank you Misssunshine - sorry - I know it was anti-sunshine but right now you brought me sunshine.

Thank you, YaYa.

Linda

 

[anni]

It just took me 5 minutes to figure out how to remove formatting I must have accidently stuck in there. I'm only saying this to let you know a lot of us get to the point of back-to-the wall and shut-down. Things just stop, or pop as you feel you'd like to. ( By the way, if I hit post and there's something not normal in the text please excuse-thought I fixed it. )

I'm glad you were able to come here and get some comfort and relief from the words of someone. Deb wrote something the other day about how coming here is so MUCH good in all the dreck and chaos, even if it's just a sort of virtual hug. I'm sure it's because so many of us genuinely know what it's like and it makes the hugs quite real-just the computers kind of get in the way.

I hope there's been some light and peace for you at your end, and possibly a few dishes done also.

Anni

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Yup Anni, dishes done and just hung the laundry outside, listening to you tube and it's 4.26 a.m. thank you all for the support ... I think it will be a long weekend, too ... tomorrow is another issue... a baby shower where I'm not welcomed but only by my son - and I must go not to let him down. The rest will unfold... later

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Now I really feel like puking from anger. My daughter is hurting my granddaughter's feelings beyond reason. I care for the 18 year old child cause her mother has never been a mother to her. 2,000 miles away and she is causing major trouble. This child is going to prom with a friend who happens to be a half-breed, (aren't we all?) so what - he is nice and kind - not even dating just going to prom but my daughter has the ugliest response - oh, you a nigger lover now? My God, this is not how I raised my children to be. Then she says to her, "you're dead to me." I am ready to go back east and go toe to toe in a major way.... Like I said in another post "the hits keep coming."

 

[Reclusive]

Oh, no wonder you're so angry!!! Sometimes the best thing for a child is to cut their relationship with their parents. I don't know if your granddaughter is at that point, yet, but "you're dead to me" sure would get me there pretty damned fast. I hope she still has a lovely prom despite her mother. :( Just remember that we're here for you and we've got open arms.

 

[AngelaMarie]

This child is going to prom with a friend who happens to be a half-breed, (aren't we all?) so what - he is nice and kind - not even dating just going to prom but my daughter has the ugliest response - oh, you a nigger lover now? "

I do not like the phrase half breed because as you said a lot of us are mutts in a way. I am about 60% native american, and then 40% English and Scottish highlander (estimate).

I remember when I was dating a dark man and my family is from Illinois, Tenn. and Kentucky. My brother turned on me and said "Bitch, you are a nigger lover." My comment back was "No, actually I just love the man".

Linda, it's not your fault that your family does that. I was/am the only person in my family that didn't see the color of some ones skin, but saw how they were inside. Try to breath and just take care of your grand-daughter. You are doing the right thing. You are there for her!!! That is the most important. Good for you.:tup:

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

My dad use that phrase (half-breed and mutts) anytime he heard people claim blue-blood origin. It was his way to say we all bleed the same. And, you gave a great answer AngelaMarie. I am breathing easier today ... it sure has been a rough week, but a new one awaits, eh?