Planning On Taking Husband To See Therapist But What If Someone Comes Out?

[nursenurse]

Go slowly, ever so slowly, honestly, you do not owe him every gory detail. How can you express to him something you have not come to fully realize yourself? To do so would be harmful to both of you in the long run. Again, a state of the union joint appointment without going into detail. I think by asking if there is a quick end to the therapy, your hubby is hoping that you are "fixed" much like a minor ailment. Your therapist can help explain to him that this not the case, and beats you fumbling for explanations that even you don't have. But I repeat, you don't have to include him in on all of the details, and I think your therapist would support that. Re-read ISH. I think his way of going about things and his realizations of what his wife is going through might help you.

Do not be so hard on yourself. You were in denial, but you are coming out of that. You are starting on the healing journey. If he is worth his salt, he will support you on your terms, at least for now, while you get a grip on your feelings as you process. How could you be straight with him when you didn't even know yourself? The good thing with realizing what has gone on in the past is that change is possible, and, with hard work, your perceived wrongs can be righted. The journey is about you, though. Yes, you have to consider him, of course. A relationship is a two way street, but not to the detriment of your healing. Talk to your therapist, I am sure he/she will support you and what is best for you, what you feel is best for you. Forgive yourself for doing what you felt you had to do to protect yourself. Work on learning how to communicate with your guy, your therapist can help you with what information is enough, and how to say it.

 

[Ellabella44]

If he is worth his salt, he will support you on your terms, at least for now, while you get a grip on your feelings as you process.

yeah you're right, he has been there, even buying me the vodka 80 proof, when i told him im sorry i need this right now and promised id quit when i had a better handle on things. yeah enabling my addiction probably not the best but i begged him to. im sober now and hes trying to help me stay that way. non alcoholic beer and wine for next family holiday party we go to, I was always a heavy social drinker. he put lavendar from the garden on the air conditioner in the summer to help me sleep, brought home more melatonin to help me sleep too. he is one of those who doesnt often say i love you , he does things to show it instead, which fits my comfort zone.

now that ive calmed down a bit, I guess i am seeing his side of this through my eyes and really feeling its worse for him to see this, he doesnt talk about how any of this makes him feel. we are not a touchy, feely, hand holding , hey these are my emotions couple. I'm just not that way, but hes everything i need.

Its like talking with him about my abortion, i dare him to be disgusted, ( my mother physically turned her back on me and said how could you do this to me when i told her i was pregnant, knowing id have to abort, why wouldnt anyone else reject me as well ?) and he doesnt turn away from me. he gives me time, he lets me do what i feel i need to heal. and deep down a part of me wants him to hate me for it.. and for anything else ive done or been through... i know terribly self destructive... and i should quit it, but i'm still adjusting. need to forgive myself before i feel anyone else can.... and ive only taken one tiny step on that road right now. knowing though doesnt mean it feels like its possible.

 

[nursenurse]

. It took a long time for you to get where you are, both to the emotional rock bottom, and to the point where you are seeking help. It stands to reason this will all take time. Yes you need to forgive yourself for everything. We are all loveable, warts and all.

 

[arfie]

Small steps and big faith, Ellabella. One of the few guarantees in my own trail of tears has been that I will make myself even crazier trying to take on too many pieces of the puzzle at once. I think you've circled the love and trust globe three or four times on this one. All too easy to do with a single intent...

Your headline posed the question,
"Planning On Taking Husband To See Therapist But What If Someone Comes Out?"

That seems like quite allot of question for one go 'round. KISS, KISS. Keep It Simple Silly. So??? What if???

 

[Ellabella44]

yeah went out with sister in law few hours ago.. she gently and bluntly gave me a good talking to and said pretty much same as you both... also that ive improved to her.... im on the right path and patience.. baby steps , and quit projecting my expectations of others reactions, anyone who truly cares about me can see im struggling , im not fooling anyone with my trying to hide it.. sigh.. trying to over achieve and run where i should walk.... ive just stopped crawling over glass after all.

 

[arfie]

Sometimes it helps to remind myself I am a human being, not a human doing. Let it be.

Progress over perfection, Ellabella. You really are on a good path. Deep breaths.