Please Help...child Advocacy Center Is A Bully?

[HelenB]

I don't think it sounds callous and can totally understand why you would feel like that. I also do not think it excuses her behaviour but just think it may explain some of what may be behind it and really do hope with it all having to come out that it can make it possible for her to be able to change too.

In terms of silencing her daughter, if what she has said is true, she did in fact report it to the authorities at the time and an investigation took place but sadly from this the voice of the abuser and real desire to not have to believe the worst overrode the voice of the victim, which is so sad and another sick indication of the deep deception which so often goes on in cases like this.

In terms of getting the abuser out of the state, I did not really understand the implications of that, as in the UK it is obviously very different, and I had not realised this would get him away from having justice carried out, and if this is the case than I agree totally that it is totally unacceptable and nothing could in any way make me understand how someone in a position such as hers could carry out this action, once the abuse has come out and there can be no denial that justice must be done.

Helen

 

[Abstract]

As someone who has managed businesses over many years as well as owned them what we think should happen emotionally and what we can do practically and legally are two different things.

That doesn't mean we have to approve it or even have to stop from fighting for what we believe in. It just means that the law often means things cannot just be as we think they should be. Court cases happen when the letter of the law is not followed and people can get their jobs back on top of that.

As a result I think this companies actions are a little bit grey from what I can tell. I think you need to know the laws on them disclosing a complaint to the person targeted. You also need to know the laws on giving a copy of the document to the employee. That doesn't mean you shouldn't continue fighting this.

I also think we need to separate the possible why from excusing something. They don't have to be the same thing. A reason doesn't mean it is an excuse. It can however still be a reason.

It is not at all right on a moral level that she is working there even if it may possibly be legally required that she still be working there. If she is in denial then it does not excuse her blaming rather than protecting her daughter.

She did however tell the story of her daughter even though she undermined it's veracity. She told the story of her daughters friends (multiple it seems) accusing Mr C. She told the story of the great granddaughter and specifically said to make sure there was supervised contact and that there was no sitting on his lap as well. Just saying that to keep the big picture in mind here.

What is far worse is when there is no discussion at all as then there is no opportunity for us to take action to protect children.

She shouldn't be working for a company like this and she has a lot to answer for regarding her daughter. Who by the way is the hero here in my opinion. How brave to get a recording and to speak out as she has despite her families lack of support.

I truly hope that Roberta expressed concern about the children and regret and showed interest in their welfare. Legally she may well be caught between a rock and hard place. On the other hand she may be unsympathetic and just protecting her friend.

Mr C is the centre of this and the damage done in his wake is enormous. If he didn't abuse his daughter then it seems she is the only young female member of the family that he had access to that he didn't abuse. And anecdotally he did not confine himself to the family.

I feel desperately sorry for Jans daughter. I hope she gains some sense of empowerment from what she has done here.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Nothing ever came out of Christina's investigation. No records of police reports, investigations, etc. We have a feeling that this is partly why Jan was actively trying to get her father out of town.... To cover up what happened to her own daughter as well. What she claims she did and what actually happened are two different things, just like what happened with our girls. Just to be clear, we had no knowledge of Christina's situation beforehand. This came out after the situation came out after our children were molested. According to Christina, her abuse occurred within a span of three years.

 

[Abstract]

Fallen Angel. I may be misunderstanding

Both of us had heard about Christina making allegations against her grandfather but Jan always portrayed Christina as a lying, manipulative child. Jan also mentioned that several girls in Christina’s school came out with the same exact allegations as soon as a “good touch, bad touch” topic was discussed by a guidance counselor in fifth grade.

So was this was only after you knew about your girls being assaulted?

Or do you mean something slightly different? If she claimed to have reported it to authorities and there isn't a report then that would give the company something solid to work with and you something solid to work with. That would be blatant lying and would prove dishonesty.

 

[Fallen Angel]

@Abstract I should have been more concise and clear. I should have clarified that we never knew the extent of Christina's situation as she never discussed this with any of us directly. I personally heard second hand remarks from family members to watch out for Christina as she was a liar, etc, and how she had tried to accuse her grandfather of molesting her... No details included.

Only after the situation with the girls did she actually reveal her personal story to me. According to her brother, my fiancé, it was also the first time he had heard it from her.

 

[HelenB]

I had misunderstood about that too and read it that you had known more fully about the allegations before and am so sorry that it has all had to come out into the light in this way.

Again I think the way you have been with your daughters has been so good and wish you all well in your journey into healing.

Helen

 

[Abstract]

Thanks for clarifying Fallen Angel. I have to say that the way I read the letter it seemed to imply that Jan had told you this information at some point along with it coming from other family members. That you had the information before and that it had come from her. It's a shame as I think it makes your case stronger that she did not say these things to you and if you did not know. If I am understanding now it was the great granddaughter that she did tell you about and only that.

I understand you were demonstrating to them that she was showing that she knew before. That would be important but what would also be important is what you heard before. If you had only ever heard about the great granddaughter and that warning then that is different. The fact that she did give you that warning will strengthen her position though.

If there was a lie about her reporting her daughters abuse and that can be proved then that will be your best bet.

 

[Fallen Angel]

I think what this really all boils down to is, while Jan is not the one on trial for molesting our children, she should not be in a position that advocates for children when she did not even do the basic thing any advocate should have done: report her granddaughters situation.

When she "warned" us, she told us to just be on the safe side. She told us she thought Mr. C was just trying to catch her from falling off his lap but it was perceived in the wrong way. But just to be on the safe side... We shouldn't leave them alone or let him sit on his lap. In her expert opinion, nothing really happened. We trusted her, we trusted all he wrong people.

What does this teach my daughters? This woman who has betrayed them is out there still representing a center who is supposed to be protecting children.

In the meantime, I have to ration out my fiancés pills and hide the rest so he doesn't try to end it all... Like I am capable of keeping an eye on him at all times, which I'm not. This harassment has to stop someday and I don't know how to stop it. I'm so tired. The trial isn't even under way yet....

 

[Abstract]

What you are dealing with is beyond what anyone should have to deal with.

, I have to ration out my fiancés pills and hide the rest so he doesn't try to end it all...

I am not surprised. His whole life and his whole family has been ripped apart and his meaning for life has been turned inside out. As has yours. His family should be ashamed of themselves with the exclusion of his sister. Take one minute at a time. Sometimes that is all we can do.

 

[HelenB]

I am also not surprised that this is so hard for your partner and you and your children. Taking it a bit at a time and taking comfort from the fact that you have been able to pull together for your children and bring this cycle to an end I hope will bring you some comfort, and really hope your partner can also find some peace and resolution within all this.

God bless
Helen

 

[HelenB]

I hope you do not mind me posting again but I have been thinking a lot about your comment about how you trusted all the wrong people. I suspect the way you feel about this must have such a massive impact on how you are all feeling but really wanted to say so much that it is not your fault that you trusted the wrong people. I really believe that it is so hard in situations like this to believe anything different and in reality I believe that it would be so natural for you to trust someone like your mother in law - particularly in the position she was in and can see totally why this would have such a massive negative effect on your partner now everything has come into the light.

I really do believe that the most important thing within it though is that your daughters trusted you and you have done everything you can for them and this abuser is going to be held to account for what he has done. Again I really hope you can find some comort from this and hope that your partners sister will be able to also find some healing and closure after so many years as this is so much what her and you all deserve.

God bless
Helen

 

[Fallen Angel]

If this ordeal has taught me one thing. It is to be strong for my children and the man I love. The tears I cry in the dark, I cry for them. I mourn for everything they have lost and all the pain they are suffering. I used to be so self-centered and selfish. This is proof that love changes people....well, that and loads of therapy too. :)