greeneyes24
New Here
I am so sorry....I am tearing up because I know exactly what you are going through...I know how hard it is....I know how it is to feel alone and no one to turn to....and it is hard when you are so young....I was 22 when my husband came back from his deployment...I am still only 25 now and I feel like I have aged so much since he has been home because of all that came with him when he came back home (I know that it isn't his fault bless his heart)..he has gone through the same job situation and then the suicide attempts....the violence..and then him not even realizing what he is doing until somehow he snaps out of it...the night terrors...and he does not trust anybody, especially if it has to do with authority figures, such as police...military....and for awhile when he wasn't getting treatment, I couldn't even get up and go to the bathroom at night because he would think that I might try to kill him and he sometimes still every once in awhile checks his food or drink....that hurts my heart for him feeling that way because I know it cant be easy for him living like that..d
You did the right thing...I know the thought of it all is overwhelming. I hope that he is getting some kind of help now. Make sure of this and make sure that he is getting the right kind of treatment...when my husband attempted suicide, they ended up sending him to a regular mental hospital in the area instead of the VA one because the beds were full at the VA, this place was unable to help him in the way he needed because they weren't trained in Combat PTSD...if I knew then what I know now I would have made sure he was transferred to the VA as soon as there was an open bed.
And as someone else said, love from afar....let him get the help he needs, see that he himself is willing to get that help so that he can learn how to cope. I was married to my husband before he left...and he came back a different man...we also have a child....I love him so much but if I had not been married to him and had our son, I believe I would have made sure he got the help and was willing to get it, and then support him in the right ways...and then stood back, still love him...but love him in the responsible way, with boundaries and armed with knowing all about PTSD. I didn't know then what I know now and have enabled him in many ways not knowing any better. He is now overly dependent on me and I have found myself to be doing more and more and him to be doing less and less...that is not healthy for him nor I. I want to help him, but there are some things he needs to realize that he can do on his own, even if I could just help him do it and work it out a little at the time with him until he felt more able and confident in it. But by me doing them without anything on his part, it is robbing him of his own dignity and making him feel that he really can't do it. It cannot be a mother child type relationship, which some how is what ended up happening with us and trying to get help for that. A VA PTSD therapist told me that that is a pattern for the Veietnam Vets and their wives as well...and many of the couples have been together since their husbands came home from war and it is continual...not easy...so think about that.
I was in shock because of how he had become and when it got so bad and he finally did go get evaluated more than a year after he had come home, his VA psychiatrist told me that I needed to go to a dr. myself because I more than likely had ptsd as well. I was so beaten down and confused at that point, I still sometimes just shake and am on constant alert about what will happen next even during the calm times. Now that I look back on it, I can't believe how I made it through what I did but by the grace of God, and how my son has witnessed a lot of turmoil at such an early age and even in the womb because he was concieved the exact day that my husband had returned home...he is only two now. My life has been a blur for the last four years and only now am I learning how to take care of myself and our child and set those boundaries. And it has helped us all. My husband is finally taking one of his pills again (he is prescribed 6 different ones that are supposed to work together) to help him sleep and it has helped and he is talking to a counselor. I am just praying that this time he continues to follow through. I'm sorry, I told my experience kind of raw to somehow show you what the reality of it can be...So, please take care of yourself, be strong and read everything on this forum...believe me, I wish that I would have found it a long time ago. Setting boundaries yet letting him know that you love him and support him in getting help and taking care of yourself will be one of the best ways that you can show your love and help him for the better.
You did the right thing...I know the thought of it all is overwhelming. I hope that he is getting some kind of help now. Make sure of this and make sure that he is getting the right kind of treatment...when my husband attempted suicide, they ended up sending him to a regular mental hospital in the area instead of the VA one because the beds were full at the VA, this place was unable to help him in the way he needed because they weren't trained in Combat PTSD...if I knew then what I know now I would have made sure he was transferred to the VA as soon as there was an open bed.
And as someone else said, love from afar....let him get the help he needs, see that he himself is willing to get that help so that he can learn how to cope. I was married to my husband before he left...and he came back a different man...we also have a child....I love him so much but if I had not been married to him and had our son, I believe I would have made sure he got the help and was willing to get it, and then support him in the right ways...and then stood back, still love him...but love him in the responsible way, with boundaries and armed with knowing all about PTSD. I didn't know then what I know now and have enabled him in many ways not knowing any better. He is now overly dependent on me and I have found myself to be doing more and more and him to be doing less and less...that is not healthy for him nor I. I want to help him, but there are some things he needs to realize that he can do on his own, even if I could just help him do it and work it out a little at the time with him until he felt more able and confident in it. But by me doing them without anything on his part, it is robbing him of his own dignity and making him feel that he really can't do it. It cannot be a mother child type relationship, which some how is what ended up happening with us and trying to get help for that. A VA PTSD therapist told me that that is a pattern for the Veietnam Vets and their wives as well...and many of the couples have been together since their husbands came home from war and it is continual...not easy...so think about that.
I was in shock because of how he had become and when it got so bad and he finally did go get evaluated more than a year after he had come home, his VA psychiatrist told me that I needed to go to a dr. myself because I more than likely had ptsd as well. I was so beaten down and confused at that point, I still sometimes just shake and am on constant alert about what will happen next even during the calm times. Now that I look back on it, I can't believe how I made it through what I did but by the grace of God, and how my son has witnessed a lot of turmoil at such an early age and even in the womb because he was concieved the exact day that my husband had returned home...he is only two now. My life has been a blur for the last four years and only now am I learning how to take care of myself and our child and set those boundaries. And it has helped us all. My husband is finally taking one of his pills again (he is prescribed 6 different ones that are supposed to work together) to help him sleep and it has helped and he is talking to a counselor. I am just praying that this time he continues to follow through. I'm sorry, I told my experience kind of raw to somehow show you what the reality of it can be...So, please take care of yourself, be strong and read everything on this forum...believe me, I wish that I would have found it a long time ago. Setting boundaries yet letting him know that you love him and support him in getting help and taking care of yourself will be one of the best ways that you can show your love and help him for the better.
