Please Help Me

[madlover31]

I have 3 kids 2 boys and a girl, with 2 different moms.

OK so I was molested at 7 and I never said anything until the end of my marriage 3 years ago.

My girlfriend just broke up with me, daughters mom, because of my anger issues. I started going 2 weeks ago to counseling. Thats when we separated as she called it. Really broken up in her heart, just played games.

But did anyone else go through anger and then regret at how angry you got over things that aren't that serious? Don't think I will get her back. Our daughter is 10 months, but I want to. How do you let go of letting your anger go at the people who love You?I need help I feel worthless and unlovable.

My sons are 5 and 3. I want to be a better man for them and my daughter. Please any advice is appreciated. I cant trust, or communicate my feelings very well because I'm afraid of losing people but then I push them away. I don't want to hurt anymore, or feel invisible and scared of no one loving me.

 

[Rumors]

Madlover,
First, I am really sorry you had to go through that experience at 7. That is a horrific thing to have happen. I was 5 and I can relate to anger issues and pushing people away. It is a natural thing for people like us! Why would anyone love us? We are broken! Well, they do! Especially our children. They love you unconditionally and in return only want your time and affection. Children are the greatest gift we can receive bc if we listen, they make us realize we need to change. The thought of my son going through the same thing I went through scares me enough that I go to therapy weekly so that I can be a better mom and a better person. Sounds like that reality is staring you in the face as well.

I can only tell you that you should find a professional to talk to about these issues. At least get their opinion and advice and go from there. The sooner, the better so don't waste any time. They can help mend your broken relationships by helping you communicate better.

Your message sounds desperate. I am sad you have found yourself in a situation that makes you feel so badly about you! Appreciate and feel proud that you have taken a step to figure out how to get help and make your life, and your children's, better. Be proud and think of this as the first of many positive steps you are taking for yourself!

Take it easy on yourself and tae each moment as it comes. Don't borrow trouble by thinking about things to far in the future or things you have no control over. Best wishes and hang in there!

 

[madlover31]

Thank you. Yes I am going to a therapist every week now. My daughter's mom said she would stand by my side, but as soon as I start getting help, she's already looking for someone to take my place, lied to me. It hurts because we used to be happy, but I couldn't hold in the anger anymore and she got a lot of it. I am mad at myself for not going sooner, then things might be different.

I am broken in so many ways. I don't know how to keep going on. My kids are very important to me, thats why I have no choice, but to get better. How do you love yourself, when you think no one else can? How do I stop the anger from hurting people I love? If it wasn't for my kids, I would kill myself that way I don't hurt anyone else, and won't be so sad and hurt all the time.

Please tell me it gets better....

 

[Rumors]

It gets better but it takes some time and work. That doesn't happen overnight and everyone is different so it may not take as long for you as someone else. I think of it like grieving a death. We are grieving the loss of our childhood. It died when that person abused us. Grief is a very individual experience. I think you have to give yourself the time and space needed to grieve your loss and recover from that, however long it takes.

Stay focused on the things YOU are in control over. You cannot control what mom does with another man or if she lies to you. You only have control over how you react and how you allow yourself to deliver your message. If you get caught up in everyone else's drama you find yourself never getting to the core of what is going on with you. It gets all jaded and jumbled. This is YOUR opportunity to focus on healing. Because there are children involved, you have a higher obligation to them and see that their needs are met, but beyond that, you should focus on you.

Stay focused and be proud you have made the step to talk to someone. Take solace that if you work at it, it will get better. Believe in yourself!!! Be prepared for disappointments but also be prepared for great things to come. Think of this time as your re-birth and really find out who YOU are! Embrace that and get excited about it! Not everyone takes the step to get help and they live their entire life miserable. You have chosen a different path for YOU and your children. Embrace it...

 

[madlover31]

Thanks, I am doing my best, I just miss her so much, and I feel so alone. But I understand what u r saying and appreciate all the encouragement and words of hope. I sabatoge myself thinking too much. I just feel like im living a nightmare that only seems to get worse, but I am hoping and working toward a sunny day, tired of the gloom.