Always have Hope!
New Here
The last 5 or 6 weeks has been a living nightmare, all my feelings and emotions has heighten to levels I have never experienced. My panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia has risen to a much higher hyperactivity. I had sought out and establish a ptsd therapist by my family doctor. They have been a blessing in helping me to reclaim my mentality and help me regroup.
I have dealt with many traumatic events during my lifetime and had fought them to maintain a healthy lifestyle. But the past break up with my girlfriend has been the worst experience I had ever faced. I put no blame on her of how I am reacting, her action was her choices, but her actions has trigger many unwanted situations. I'm seeing that it causing stress upon my family, and I dearly do not want these effects to hurt them because of my present crisis. I feel I have now gain control of my past ptsd trauma, but still the pain of losing her has a strong hold on me, you cannot suppress love like a on and off switch, well I cant, some might be able too.
I have spent countless hours every day this past month googling sites about relationships, ptsd, break ups, psychology based on human interactions. I have dapple in many forms base on relationships, such as, how to heal from a break up, if no contact works, steps to get your girlfriend back, did she really love me, sudden break ups, was I a rebound, is it really over, steps to regain yourself, how to win your girlfriend back, there was so many topics I studied on to piece together a intelligent course to regain my own mental and physical health plus proper ways to work toward a possible reconciliation.
Knowing that my actions during the past month could have damage my chances. The crying to her, the pleading, the concent talks of why, was on death ears.
Even when all of this took place, we was in contact, there were positive conversations. She has establish boundaries and has faithfully stood by it. She dont want to meet up, she personally haven't call me to see how im doing or the kids. She continues saying its over that she wants to be alone.
There are a few possibilities I am thinking on base on my research. This is base on her comments to me during our conversations. Here ill list some for the readers to have insights were I stand. She said I do love you and the last year was special experiences. That I know you care and love me. She said she did think hard on our past and the many questions I ask about the strengths of the relationship. She told me that open things about herself then she added that she is in love with a man she dated 5 years ago. She said I do love you, but in love with him. I know they are in contact, its possible he's in the picture now.
The only thing I knew about this guy is this, when they were dating, she caught him with another woman, he cheated. I dont know how it ended back then. Earier in our relationship she broke up with me for a few weeks and found out she cheated on me with him. I forgave and we reestablish our relationship which lasted 10 months til the present break up. When she told me about the current situations, I ask how can you be in love with someone who cheated on you, and if he loved you, why he wasn't there during her time of needs, her brain surgery, and her current ptsd illness. I told her that you are not the same person you were 5 years ago, do you feel he will be supportive if you got together with him. When the honeymoon phase is over, when you have your down times, your isolation issues, your panic attacks and depression states, do you think he will be there or do you think it overwelm him in time? Do you think he be in the same "in love" with you as you are in him? What did he do then to show you there be a different outcome? Is he going to beable to be that caring, loving man now that your not the same person he knew before? How you know what his true feelings are, by how he reacted to you present state? Why chase someone who's history was base on sex and him staying away from you and your other needs? If that make you happy, great, I undersand, but it could lead to the same outcome?
She also stated that this might be the issue that holds her back of moving forward, that she has some fear of commitment, if she ever did decide to commit, there be a closure completely.
I know we had agreat relationship, base on many forms, I know she loves me and the kids, in my heart I feel she has doubts, and fears and trust issues. I understand the pause now, I know with her conditions with ptsd that we behave differently. If the break up happen now then it gives opportunities to see the truths, pros and cons of our relationship. I know in my heart she is my soul mate, I know I be there faithfully as I was in the past. She be always loved, cared for, and have stability with me. Thats being said from the one who is "in love" with her.
These days spent without her are so hurtful, sleepless, numbing, I know no special wish can bring her back. I know in my heart you can't replace the love I have for her. There is only two outcomes ahead, I will be with the one woman I love, that I cherish, my best friend, my soul mate or I will live without her, always empty, always thinking of her, always craving her hand, her kiss and that beautiful heart of hers. You might be able in time to move on, might even feel love, but you can't change your true feelings or your heart. You can remember the great times and hold them dear, the ghost of past love, you will never replace the actual person.
I don't need to let her know my heart and what I want, she knows this. I proved my undying love, she knows this. She knows I would give myself to her forever. I have hope, thats all I have now, I love her so much that I hope she have happiness. I hope she heals with her ptsd. I hope that a companion one day will be her everything
I hope it is with me...
I have dealt with many traumatic events during my lifetime and had fought them to maintain a healthy lifestyle. But the past break up with my girlfriend has been the worst experience I had ever faced. I put no blame on her of how I am reacting, her action was her choices, but her actions has trigger many unwanted situations. I'm seeing that it causing stress upon my family, and I dearly do not want these effects to hurt them because of my present crisis. I feel I have now gain control of my past ptsd trauma, but still the pain of losing her has a strong hold on me, you cannot suppress love like a on and off switch, well I cant, some might be able too.
I have spent countless hours every day this past month googling sites about relationships, ptsd, break ups, psychology based on human interactions. I have dapple in many forms base on relationships, such as, how to heal from a break up, if no contact works, steps to get your girlfriend back, did she really love me, sudden break ups, was I a rebound, is it really over, steps to regain yourself, how to win your girlfriend back, there was so many topics I studied on to piece together a intelligent course to regain my own mental and physical health plus proper ways to work toward a possible reconciliation.
Knowing that my actions during the past month could have damage my chances. The crying to her, the pleading, the concent talks of why, was on death ears.
Even when all of this took place, we was in contact, there were positive conversations. She has establish boundaries and has faithfully stood by it. She dont want to meet up, she personally haven't call me to see how im doing or the kids. She continues saying its over that she wants to be alone.
There are a few possibilities I am thinking on base on my research. This is base on her comments to me during our conversations. Here ill list some for the readers to have insights were I stand. She said I do love you and the last year was special experiences. That I know you care and love me. She said she did think hard on our past and the many questions I ask about the strengths of the relationship. She told me that open things about herself then she added that she is in love with a man she dated 5 years ago. She said I do love you, but in love with him. I know they are in contact, its possible he's in the picture now.
The only thing I knew about this guy is this, when they were dating, she caught him with another woman, he cheated. I dont know how it ended back then. Earier in our relationship she broke up with me for a few weeks and found out she cheated on me with him. I forgave and we reestablish our relationship which lasted 10 months til the present break up. When she told me about the current situations, I ask how can you be in love with someone who cheated on you, and if he loved you, why he wasn't there during her time of needs, her brain surgery, and her current ptsd illness. I told her that you are not the same person you were 5 years ago, do you feel he will be supportive if you got together with him. When the honeymoon phase is over, when you have your down times, your isolation issues, your panic attacks and depression states, do you think he will be there or do you think it overwelm him in time? Do you think he be in the same "in love" with you as you are in him? What did he do then to show you there be a different outcome? Is he going to beable to be that caring, loving man now that your not the same person he knew before? How you know what his true feelings are, by how he reacted to you present state? Why chase someone who's history was base on sex and him staying away from you and your other needs? If that make you happy, great, I undersand, but it could lead to the same outcome?
She also stated that this might be the issue that holds her back of moving forward, that she has some fear of commitment, if she ever did decide to commit, there be a closure completely.
I know we had agreat relationship, base on many forms, I know she loves me and the kids, in my heart I feel she has doubts, and fears and trust issues. I understand the pause now, I know with her conditions with ptsd that we behave differently. If the break up happen now then it gives opportunities to see the truths, pros and cons of our relationship. I know in my heart she is my soul mate, I know I be there faithfully as I was in the past. She be always loved, cared for, and have stability with me. Thats being said from the one who is "in love" with her.
These days spent without her are so hurtful, sleepless, numbing, I know no special wish can bring her back. I know in my heart you can't replace the love I have for her. There is only two outcomes ahead, I will be with the one woman I love, that I cherish, my best friend, my soul mate or I will live without her, always empty, always thinking of her, always craving her hand, her kiss and that beautiful heart of hers. You might be able in time to move on, might even feel love, but you can't change your true feelings or your heart. You can remember the great times and hold them dear, the ghost of past love, you will never replace the actual person.
I don't need to let her know my heart and what I want, she knows this. I proved my undying love, she knows this. She knows I would give myself to her forever. I have hope, thats all I have now, I love her so much that I hope she have happiness. I hope she heals with her ptsd. I hope that a companion one day will be her everything
I hope it is with me...
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