hey 
i haven't been diagnosed with anything other than general anxiety disorder & major depression. but, like everyone else does, i research my symptoms online sometimes and over the past year or two ptsd has been appearing more and more likely. i used to think there was absolutely no way i could have ptsd, my life wasn't that bad...then around age 19 i started learning that the way my mum treated me was not the same way other peoples' mum treated them. my life has been turbulent from the start but ever since that realisation, things have been - internally - even worse.
there's no clear timeline in which things have happened. i can name events and the order in which they happened, but no duration is clear to me.
i needed to put a name to it, just for the sake of knowing what is wrong. i had exhausted the idea of having other anxiety-based disorders. i kept looking at ptsd, because it felt nothing else was left. going back to the same websites and re-comparing my feelings with their symptoms list. it felt like a far reach telling myself i have pstd, and then i found out about complex ptsd and when i read about the symptoms it was like i felt it in my soul. i could never find any evidence against it* but still it has taken me a number of months to fully accept the idea of having cptsd.
* the only thing that stood out to me was that i thought i never experienced flashbacks. but just a couple of days ago i was told about emotional flashbacks.
its been a really slow journey because this has all been happening among other semi-unrelated life-changing things. but over the past couple of years, i've been finding the courage to tell dad, and then my doctor...finding the courage to make phonecalls, and then appointments...so now, i'm just waiting for my first appointment with a psychiatrist and him and my psychologist will be working together to help me.
i just know it's going to be a lot of work, emotional stress, mental exhaustion. i really want to get better but i'm not looking forward to the effort that's going to take. i've experienced the "one step forward, two steps back" too many times and i've learned what kind of stresses to expect from recovery. now i'm just trying to gather myself a few resorces before i have a relapse, so i can use them during.
i haven't been diagnosed with anything other than general anxiety disorder & major depression. but, like everyone else does, i research my symptoms online sometimes and over the past year or two ptsd has been appearing more and more likely. i used to think there was absolutely no way i could have ptsd, my life wasn't that bad...then around age 19 i started learning that the way my mum treated me was not the same way other peoples' mum treated them. my life has been turbulent from the start but ever since that realisation, things have been - internally - even worse.
there's no clear timeline in which things have happened. i can name events and the order in which they happened, but no duration is clear to me.
i needed to put a name to it, just for the sake of knowing what is wrong. i had exhausted the idea of having other anxiety-based disorders. i kept looking at ptsd, because it felt nothing else was left. going back to the same websites and re-comparing my feelings with their symptoms list. it felt like a far reach telling myself i have pstd, and then i found out about complex ptsd and when i read about the symptoms it was like i felt it in my soul. i could never find any evidence against it* but still it has taken me a number of months to fully accept the idea of having cptsd.
* the only thing that stood out to me was that i thought i never experienced flashbacks. but just a couple of days ago i was told about emotional flashbacks.
its been a really slow journey because this has all been happening among other semi-unrelated life-changing things. but over the past couple of years, i've been finding the courage to tell dad, and then my doctor...finding the courage to make phonecalls, and then appointments...so now, i'm just waiting for my first appointment with a psychiatrist and him and my psychologist will be working together to help me.
i just know it's going to be a lot of work, emotional stress, mental exhaustion. i really want to get better but i'm not looking forward to the effort that's going to take. i've experienced the "one step forward, two steps back" too many times and i've learned what kind of stresses to expect from recovery. now i'm just trying to gather myself a few resorces before i have a relapse, so i can use them during.
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