Prayer Requests

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking, psyching up as I have to wrap a gift for a co-worker's bday (above), I still think good people but- different. And I need a different tribe (to say the least!!!), where at least I can choose.

Was thinking, grateful my dog's vet came in on her day off, grateful they let us (all) stay with her (unlike previous restrictions). Know the suffering (which was seconds) at the end is inevitable, in other ways other things they say didn't occur at all. I know she didn't want to let go, either. (None of even one of my family except one knocked off ever died til we said it's ok to go.) Today, I had to run around 8 hours in the cold; I thought of how difficult it was for her. Not that I didn't always, and not that I don't relate to severe arthritis, but today I needed the determination she had, just to walk back to the door (on only 2 of her legs, and those giving out. She would always- always- make a run for it after my sister. But now she needed even to rest after a short time). I literally prayed to her to help me, 😪 because it was that difficult for me. (And with these masks and our minus 300 degrees, your hair gets wet from the breath if you put your hood up. Oye it's very difficult in so many ways. 😟)

I got a different, was told in a way annoiting- type, of blessing today (well, blessingS), totally didn't expect. I guess I needed it, because they are healing, and even keep you alive if it's God's will we believe, and am so grateful. I was thinking, we were, like so many actually are, arms and legs and heart-extensions for each other, canine and human alike. And funny, a guy with ptsd started talking to me about funding a ptsd dog, and I just unintentionally 'wandered off', didn't realize he was talking to me. And that's what she was, really. That is actually pretty incredible, because she needed a forever-home too, and that was as close as she and we could do. And 2 years past what they said was possible, I mean even camping and in the water and kayak up to Thanksgiving, and saw Christmas, which she loved I think because she came then. And never touched the tree, except to rearrange and group together all the birds when we were at work one year. 😊 )

Funny, too, because that vet was afraid she wouldn't have 'dignity' (her words) in those 2 years, and she totally did, and looked great tbh. Mind you, we do this for people and employed what we know on our own. And this vet said ~in the future she would lose her dignity, well, she said, 'now, while she still has dignity') but actually she never would have lost that, because we wouldn't have allowed it. But I think too, all the obvious facts considered, I think the immediate future of the pandemic would have caused more problems/ sufferings if we had prolonged it even a week or two. And a few years ago she almost died from e-coli, and made it (couldn't eat for 8 days, and I went through exactly the same, and 8 days, and it was unreal). So we were very lucky/ blessed, because they said even a few hours later would have been toast. I am sad, devastated, heart-broken, grateful, privileged, and thankful for being held up by others, and her presence. 💝

Thanks to all and for all your prayers. 🫂 And understanding sometimes a dog is not just a 'dog'. I don't think it's coincidental that Dog is God spelled in the rearview.💙💙💙💕 Thank you.
 
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Actualise

Learning
I have just checked this thread out. Totally my jam. I looked at the past about 5 pages.

@ AMusingChikadee there is definitely energy, yes.

@ Rosebud a dog is not just a dog for sure. Are dogs the most loving animal? I love dogs. Take the time you need to grieve, know that you did your best and know that she can still be with you in spirit and that she is at peace now.

I’m asking for prayers and energy to allow me to sleep deeply for long enough durations. I need to get the repair from lots of good quality sleep and the energy to be able to stay awake full of energy each day. And then go to sleep at 10pm each night for another good night’s sleep.

I’m sending out to you all, prayers, energy and love to do well wherever you are and in whatever you’re dealing with.💕💓💗💞💖
 
I was thinking of something @AMusingChickadee that I wanted to say, I want not to just thank you for your prayers and kindness, but also something else I realized today, and it has more to do with your choice, and your being:

I had to work, and intended to say little re: the dog. When I did say to one I've known for 10 years and the family a few years more, and showed up to funerals for, (that also goes to the same church), she said "I thought she got her leg amputated! And we said why spend money on a dog like that??!" And then she had hysterical laughter with a co-worker there about it. (And she said I had said it, which was of course ridiculous gossip- and they gossip continually. I've been pregnant. Twice. - not at the same time, lol) That's how I started my shift. Needless to say, amongst many other comments, But they (the workers- 50 and 60 year olds) were all flying high today. I thought to myself in a few hours, I remembered they were all quite heartless when my sister died too, repeating "how was your vacation? -Oh ya, right". Or, 'well that's good, she had it easy' (after getting diagnosed with cancer in her 30's and having it return 4 times, and 20 years of treatments)." Etc. Or the people in their care, 'What does it matter if someone is (left) dirty'. And I thought especially of a kind stranger after my dad died, or a mentally challenged person also after my dad died who I am thinking of now (which was enough to cause me revulsion to going in to genetic counselling). Which I have no doubt all of which, or losses past, cumulate and remind to me in my mind atm, or the thought that what's the point of love or life at all when there is pain. And (but) so I didn't feel so badly by their behaviours or comments for the rest of today. The old saying used to be No sense, No feeling.

And so I had what a man I know said was an epiphany, but of a wholly different kind than he had: I thought of the saying, ~"He who is faithful in small things will be trusted with large". And I believe that applies to genuine faithfulness, kindness, patience, compassion, fidelity, you name it, fill in the blank. Because I think it is a choice, made over and over and over with small things. And not choosing it is a free choice too, but if that's the case eventually, maybe sooner than later, even the large events that would elicit or require compassion, etc, no longer genuinely do. That is my epiphany. I am no gem, but I don't want to die heartless. I'd acrually rather be dead than heartless, painful as having a heart is. Our dog had the biggest heart. Her bags were packed whether she lived until 10 or 11, or 2.

The 2snd epiphany I had was simply the realization that being surrounded by that, bleeds in to other areas of my life. Then people who aren't as*holes so to speak, get treated like they are. There's no shorter way to say it.

Thank you. I hope that makes sense. I appreciate and value who you are, and what it took to make you the person you are today. Hugs (again) to you,. 🫂
Hi @Rosebud ❤️ I’m sorry it’s taken me a bit to reply. I read your beautiful words, and it took me some time to reflect and find the right words to reply. Your post really touched my heart, thank you so much. Sometimes it blows me away how people can read [what I think are] my simple words, yet feel and see so much underneath them. I’m really thankful that you see me that way. And I also need to say that it meant a lot - your awareness of everything that has made me… me. 🙂

I feel like we are similar in the ways we think about things. The way you wrote about these experiences you’ve had with your coworkers and the epiphanies you had. I can tell you feel deeply for others. I’m really sorry to hear of the things they said to you. I really can’t believe how thoughtless people can be sometimes. I could almost feel the negative energy in their words, how focused they were on themselves. It seemed like maybe there were even hints of jealousy - I just don’t understand how people can be jealous when someone else is in pain. The focus has to be on them. They have to compare and win.

I loved how you said that those qualities like faith, kindness, and patience are a choice we make constantly. That’s so true! I think those small choices are opportunities to learn those virtues. It took me some time to realize - like sometimes I would get overwhelmed with things with my kids… and I would ask God for patience… and now I understand He is giving me opportunities to learn better patience.

It is rather disturbing how it seems the kindest people out there are often treated the worst. 😔 I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. I think part of it is just being different. People gravitate toward what feels the same to them. “Misery loves company” comes to mind. Most people don’t seem to enjoy deep conversations. Some get a quick (although unsustainable) energy boost from gossip and ganging up on someone. It takes less effort to make a jab than to listen or be supportive. The rewards are greater for those positive kinds of energy in the long run, but the drawback is sometimes you get nothing back for it. Often people don’t want to do something if there’s no praise after. It is a rare treat to meet someone who wants to put in the work to have a healthy relationship. The cool thing is, once you have that, suddenly it doesn’t feel like so much work, because there’s an equal give and take. I think it’s really hard to find those people, but they’re out there. (Probably hiding from all the other ones! 😄 )

I hope you’ve been doing well this week. ❤️
 

Actualise

Learning
Hi all Peeps,
I hope you’re all thriving (like Pete Walker author says) and if not, at least surviving.
I have a really stressful doctor’s exam tomorrow. It is for an insurance thing which makes it very important for me. I hope the doctor is going to be fair and understand me.. I feel anxious.
Please pray/ send energy for me to get a good sleep so I can express myself well and for him to be fair, understanding, well rested and in a good mood. Thank-you, it means a lot to me 🙏🙏🙏
 

Defaultxlovee

Confident
Hello please pray for our family. We have court tomorrow with serious abusers us the victims.

And since Sunday night I've got been extremely hypervigilant and sensitive. Massive overthrow of evil power in my life last night. I was afraid but God rescued me from myself.

Thanks
 
Hello please pray for our family. We have court tomorrow with serious abusers us the victims.

And since Sunday night I've got been extremely hypervigilant and sensitive. Massive overthrow of evil power in my life last night. I was afraid but God rescued me from myself.

Thanks
How are you doing @Defaultxlovee ? I imagine there are a lot of feelings to deal with even after the court appointment. ❤️
 
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