Problem today

[KA60]

We have a neighbor female 40 who is struggling- financially emotionally with past history of trauma abuse. My husband feels he needs to inform this woman how bad things are getting. He wants her to be safe. OK. No. There is nothing inappropriate here. I see many traits of an unsafe person here. I do not want to be around that. Todsy I felt like my husband was pushing me - if I needed help I would call Amanda. She did come once when I had a flat tire. My husband called her.. well. We got a new used checy equinox so I got onstar going. Seems to be a good plan with much roadside help. Vehicle recovery. My husband and I got this woman a jack for her car. She called my husband this am proposing to give me 50.00 if I took her to get groceries. I told my husband the only way I would is if he goes with me. She apparently is not able to keep up the maintenance on her car. It has over 202000 miles on it. She took another neighbor in her rental home trying to help him. Paid for haircut. Trying to get him medical care. I have had trauma recovery domestic violence treatment. This woman has many red flags. I have history of codependency never saying no. Not I am big time setting limits. Very unsafe time in history. My husband again is getting in a power stuggle. With me. Also now my father is 1900 miles away but very ill. Do not need all this stress. Yes. I am saying no more and more. That is something my husband does not like. And yes since I am saying no to things that require a no I am getting more things done. Any comments appreciated. I am not other people's saviors. Tried that with my first deceased husband. Got so ill I was hospitalized for 30 days. Cardiopulmonary arrest.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

It is hard for us to find balance. I have the same problem not saying no and I am not used to saying no yet. If I was married I would try to talk to my spouse about it. If they know what you are trying to do they can be supportive of it.

 

[KA60]

Thank you. I have tried to discuss it. He feels he is being attacked. He has some doomsday beliefs. I don't although things are not good. He has warned people for years He saw what is happening before it did. They kind of thinking and talking to people can cause a lot of fear. It did for me. That is probably the core issue. I am not the only one in his life that has had issues with his beliefs. I do not think the current world events should define us. You are right about balance. I struggle to. Thank you

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe talking to a marriage counselor would help. I know what a struggle it is with a non supportive spouse, I had one. Mine seemed to have a vested interest in me not improving. Once we separated I got into therapy. It has been a hard road but I have made progress. After about six months the therapist started talking about covert narcissistic abuse and that has been hard. I see the situation completely different now.

 

[KA60]

I wanted that for us years ago. We have been married almost 6 years ago. He got angry said I was the problem..also he agreed to care for our neighbors pets while out of town. We have 2 dogs so it makes 5 animals. I agreed to help this pm
Could not unlock door. Also trying to support my brother who is having to deal with our 89 year old farther. Lot going on. My husband does not know STOP pause. I am also afraid he may be being taken advantage of by these people. He is a good man. I am probably causing some of his issues. He wants to do something good for someone. We have had many arguments over unneccasy emotional distress that could make 2 diagnosis I have worse. We are also changing our shopping to mostly online as the US is awful. People in Walmart are lacking boundaries. I can't take it anymore. I have the right to say no. And my husband has a problem with this too. I have an app on my phone- I can say no for me because I feel back into codependent behaviors some in 2021 with him I am now correcting..I also feel my husband has unrealistic expectations of himself and others. Thank you

 

[KA60]

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe talking to a marriage counselor would help. I know what a struggle it is with a non supportive spouse, I had one. Mine seemed to have a vested interest in me not improving. Once we separated I got into therapy. It has been a hard road but I have made progress. After about six months the therapist started talking about covert narcissistic abuse and that has been hard. I see the situation completely different now.

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe talking to a marriage counselor would help. I know what a struggle it is with a non supportive spouse, I had one. Mine seemed to have a vested interest in me not improving. Once we separated I got into therapy. It has been a hard road but I have made progress. After about six months the therapist started talking about covert narcissistic abuse and that has been hard. I see the situation completely different now.

Thank you. Replying late more specifically. I know about covert narcissitic abuse. Self sabotage. I had trauma recovery domestic violence treatment. My first deceased husband had online underage porn addiction. I was dumb holding his hand through his last breath