Problems At Work Due To PTSD

[Tragic Girl]

It's interesting to read this thread and hear a couple references to challenges with authority. I continually filter questions and comments of my managers as judgmental, critical... kind of a familiar voice that came from my dad. I get terribly defensive. It's so important to be able to be questioned in business. My priority is in to stop over-reacting and coming out fighting so hard as though I am under attack. The reality is that some people are somewhat aggressive in their tone, but that doesn't mean I need to react like it's my dad telling me I am worthless and beating me up. Let's hope I can control this reaction, because if not it's going to disrupt a great job. Wish me luck.

 

[kers]

The reality is that some people are somewhat aggressive in their tone, but that doesn't mean I need to react like it's my dad telling me I am worthless and beating me up.

This is a good insight.

 

[shadowchaser]

Don't know. I've been trying to find work but mine is so obvious they take one look at me and I can see the no on their face. That is why I'm fighting to get ssi.

 

[Abrasky]

I pretty much gave up working after I got my PTSD, I could only work in a job I felt I was succeeding and failing at the same time. So I chose volunteering. As soon as they offered me paid work in this volunteer position I felt I was succeeding and had to leave the position.

It think with your boss not being very nice and all maybe it would help if you thought of it like you can't help how this person reacts but you can control how your react to her behaviors. That way, you might feel like you can have a bit more control in this situation. I find with my PTSD it's like I'm trying to work to two different extremes on the same level. My brain can't find a middle bit

 

[Philippa]

I didn't work for about 5 years after I was assaulted...I just took the time to rest and take care of myself. I moved to a new city and did apply for jobs but never got any...which pissed the people I lived with off and they all started treating me like I was scum for not working and I wouldn't socialize with them, so they felt rejected and tehn rejected me...saying "There's something not quite right about you"...gee THANKS! That helps...

I finally landed a data entry position at the local STD clinic, where I've been for the last 2 years...and at times I've felt like I'm crazy. I think I dissociate or just go braindead fromt the monotony of the work, which in one sense is really good for healing...I just type in STD results and can even open an online diary I started and just vent whenever stuff comes up. I have privacy, and the position was handed to me by a 'friend' I made who also had PTSD so it's sort of a healing job that I feel I will have to pass on to someone else who needs to heal, when the time comes.

As it is though, I seem to f*ck up A LOT! Files get filed away in the wrong places...regularly,and I have NO recollection of putting them there. At first I actually thought the scientists in the lab were playing tricks on me and messing with me...but it had to be me?? Other stuff like this has happened over the years...and it's freaky! My memory is terrible these days and concentrating is sometimes so hard...though I realize the society we live in is not exactly geared towards helping with all the advertisements bombarding us daily and all the distractions. Who can focus with all that?

The head scientist has been quite understanding, though she is pretty mean and calls staff who aren't there all sorts of names...who knows what she says about me when I'm not there. I'm sure she thinks I'm a 'moron' like everyone else there and she calls herself a moron just as much.

The other lady though, seems to not give a damn, and although I haven't told them about my PTSD, I have felt like I can be open about my parents and the way they behave like dicks. The head scientist also shares her relationship with her mother, so I feel like there is some empathy there...but I still haven't said anything about what happened or that I've been diagnosed with CPTSD and have overcome clinical depression.

It's more the fact that all this crazy stuff was happening that made me question my sanity regularly...which I used to do quite a lot when I smoked a lot of pot in my early twenties.