Psychopath Made Contact

[EvenStrongerNow]

Ugh, OK. So, I really need to share about this.

Tonight, my father tried to call my husband at work because he didn't want to upset me and wanted to see if my husband can get some information for him.

Apparently, a hospital social worker two hours away from me (so scary) called and my ex is in an ICU on life support there. He gave them my father's phone number and my name for contact.

They called my father's house and asked him if they knew him or knew me. My father said no because he wasn't sure if it was just a manipulation tactic. When the nurse told him what was going on, he said that he did know him and me (but for personal reasons didn't want to disclose that at first).

So, when my father couldn't get ahold of my husband, he called me to ask if I still had his mother's phone number so he could call and let them know that their son is on life support.

Now, why my father cares so much is beyond me (this is the traumatized side of me), but the other side of me understands he is compassionate and is thinking about if it were him, he would want to know if his own son was in ICU on life support.

I gave him the information and hung up.

I am really shaken up right now. My body is tingling and my skin is all heated up. I have coping skills now, but it's still so scary. It's so scary that he is two hours away from me in the same state I live in. When I escaped, he was over 3,000 miles away.

For the past week, I have been feeling very hyper-vigilant when I leave the house, thinking that he was around somewhere watching me. I'm really scared to death right now, but I know my fear is trauma related and that I am safe. It's just so scary. I know I said that already.

I just keep thinking, if he survives whatever he is on life support for, what if he finds me?!

 

[WillyKat]

Do you have a restraining order in place? If not, can you get one? I know that they are routinely violated and aren't any kind of real guarantee, but its something.

I'd also recommend pepper spray. At a minimum, it might give you some peace of mind. Perhaps also a good hound dog or even a self-defense class.

Maybe you can also think of places around town that you know are safe and are places where you know you can just chill.

Sorry for such a rambling post; I'm just thinking out loud.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I don't have a restraining order as I am 3,000 miles away from the place I initially escaped from him at. This state that I am living in is the same state his mother lives, but it's a really large state. It's just scary that he is in the hospital two hours south of me when his mother lives seven hours north of me. Eek.

Any police reports in the past, past three years ago were not followed up on or filed because all he had to do was work for them and they would let him slide. It's a long story.

 

[WillyKat]

What baffles me is why you and your father were listed as emergency contacts but not his mother. I guess there are lots of plausible explanations for that I suppose.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

My Dad said the hospital told him that my ex gave them my name and my father's phone number. My ex doesn't have a phone number for me.

That baffles me too. If I were to rationalize, I do know that when I was in the hospital for an emergency surgery once, I had a morphine blackout and gave them my aunt's number and address who I hadn't seen in 7 years who lives in the midwest. I lived in Florida at the time.

I had no idea what my mother's or my father's phone number was. And I called people collect from my own cell phone and didn't remember a thing.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I feel like a horrible person for hoping that he won't survive :( :(

 

[katiekat]

I think you should call the hospital he is supposedly at and verify that he is in fact a patient there.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

My father already did that.

 

[katiekat]

Well then you should try to tell yourself that you are safe considering he is in the ICU.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I did that. I was just wigged out for awhile. I'm OK now. Thanks :)

 

[Justmehere]

@EvenStrongerNow - this would so shake me up too. I think I would be struggling with the same things you are. Thankfully, he is really sick and in ICU. I'm glad he doesn't know you live there and that your father had a wise moment to not tell them he knew you. The restraining order might help, but then you would have to serve him, and he would find out what county you live in... but that info is sadly fairly public too through DMVs and etc. Is there an organization in your town that helps battered women? I had to deal with a pathological ex once and I went to the local agency for that kind of stuff and they knew all kinds of things to do to keep myself safe that I had never though of or knew of. I was even able to get an alternate address so NO ONE could find out where I lived. Even the police had to go through special measures... And I never had to file a restraining order or even have any reports acted on by the police.

I'm glad you are away from him and safe now. So sorry this happened. :hug: Geez, he is pathological! Calling an ex when I was on life support would be the last thing I would want to do... they could come and try to have me unplugged!

 

[Powder]

I am trying to work on preparing for my father/abuser to be the one dying or dead. I am not in therapy right now but trying to get back in to my therapist. This is one thing I know I need to prepare myself for.

Part of me is angry that he is still alive and having a grand 'ol time, all his family that he abused loving encircling him and defending him from my "accusations." Another part of me wonders how much he might regret (he seemed to try to apologize and got freaked out and ran off) and be reformed a bit. Even so, Part of me always wanted my parents' love.

I know this doesn't quite fit this original post because my psychopath and father are both "inside" the same person, but it's confusing as hell, similar to the way you said this made you feel.

I'm curious if you will feel relief once the scary dude is finally dead. I don't know what I will feel when my father is finally dead, so I want to hear. So far, I have read 50/50 on if it helped or did nothing to curb the feeling that creep is still lurking.