sunandstars
Bronze Member
Hi everyone,I'm new here,nice to talk in a place where people are going through something perhaps somewhat similar
When I was 17,6 years ago now I was seriously ill with a medical illness and I was in hospital for 6 months and then another 6 months learning to stand,walk do everything again.I had never been a patient in a hospital before then.Thankfully I don't remember the first two months of that time as I was in an induced coma but I do remember waking up in icu with tubes all over the place picc lines,catheters,Iv lines,trach tube you name it was even wearing a nappy...unable to move unable to talk and told I may never ever walk again or ever be able to use my arms and legs again seeing so many people dying all around me machines beeping 24/7 young people,old people dying..being washed and cleaned and turned over every few hours to prevent bed sores...hoisted out of bed with a hoist and into the wheelchair..not being able to hold my head up straight not being able to do anything not even being able to itch my nose or drink when i was thirsty or say anything out loud for so long..raise one eyebrow for a yes and the other for a no..I was trapped in my own body but alert and able to understand everything that was going on around me but unable to express my fear how scared I was etc..nurses running...machines going off..alarms going off..doctors so many doctors..code blue code blue code blue..scans,mri's,lumbar punctures xray after xray,chest tubes,drains...eventually in the rehab hospital where I spent 6 months after the 6 months in hospital seeing people with one arm or one leg,no arms or no legs,children,young people,old people..people struggling..Thankfully I got better and am walking again and doing everything by myself again but for five years I was in and out of hospitals all the time..Icu after Icu admissions...resuscitated on numerous occasions..infection after infection septicaemia after septicaemia ..procedures going wrong..more people dying..surgery after surgery scar after scar I have so many surgical scars now my tummy looks like a war zone and scars from picc lines and g tubes etc.. It has been a year since my last admission to hospital and Icu I was resuscitated after septicaemia and went into multiple organ failure.My health has finally got a whole lot better after such a battle but now I have ptsd after everything that has happened.Everytime I hear an ambulance or see a nurse or doctor,have a medical appointment,see people in wheelchairs,see a hospital related programme on TV I feel so nauseous and scared and all the memories all the feelings of that time come flooding back.I am constantly on high alert etc every time the phone rings is there something wrong do i need to go to hospital again etc I can't really escape from it all I sort of feel trapped again not like when I was physically trapped like before but mentally trapped this time.I have nightmares during the night and there is always something during the day that reminds me of everything.My younger sister was recently diagnosed with MS and that really affected me also I'm scared she will end up the way I was trapped and in a wheelchair.She is just coming out of depression she is still on medication for that and i must say this year has been a nightmare and terrifying at times with her oh my goodness depression is very scary when it's very bad.Daddy is also in and out of hospitals all the time due to an ongoing health issue and he is a cancer survivor so all of this going right now too isn't helping and this year has been awfully hard.I am seeing a counsellor/therapist and she is helping me with my ptsd etc and I guess I do feel a tiny teeny bit better after each session with her.Hopefully the bad memories will fade away in time i really don't want to be like this forever and am going to do everything I can to get better.I was never supposed to be able to walk again I never thought I'd be able to and well I am.Right now I don't think the ptsd will ever go away but I know in time it will it's just going to take some time.One thing I have learned from my experience is that I am a very patient person so I'll try to be patient this time too and hope it will eventually all go away.
:)
When I was 17,6 years ago now I was seriously ill with a medical illness and I was in hospital for 6 months and then another 6 months learning to stand,walk do everything again.I had never been a patient in a hospital before then.Thankfully I don't remember the first two months of that time as I was in an induced coma but I do remember waking up in icu with tubes all over the place picc lines,catheters,Iv lines,trach tube you name it was even wearing a nappy...unable to move unable to talk and told I may never ever walk again or ever be able to use my arms and legs again seeing so many people dying all around me machines beeping 24/7 young people,old people dying..being washed and cleaned and turned over every few hours to prevent bed sores...hoisted out of bed with a hoist and into the wheelchair..not being able to hold my head up straight not being able to do anything not even being able to itch my nose or drink when i was thirsty or say anything out loud for so long..raise one eyebrow for a yes and the other for a no..I was trapped in my own body but alert and able to understand everything that was going on around me but unable to express my fear how scared I was etc..nurses running...machines going off..alarms going off..doctors so many doctors..code blue code blue code blue..scans,mri's,lumbar punctures xray after xray,chest tubes,drains...eventually in the rehab hospital where I spent 6 months after the 6 months in hospital seeing people with one arm or one leg,no arms or no legs,children,young people,old people..people struggling..Thankfully I got better and am walking again and doing everything by myself again but for five years I was in and out of hospitals all the time..Icu after Icu admissions...resuscitated on numerous occasions..infection after infection septicaemia after septicaemia ..procedures going wrong..more people dying..surgery after surgery scar after scar I have so many surgical scars now my tummy looks like a war zone and scars from picc lines and g tubes etc.. It has been a year since my last admission to hospital and Icu I was resuscitated after septicaemia and went into multiple organ failure.My health has finally got a whole lot better after such a battle but now I have ptsd after everything that has happened.Everytime I hear an ambulance or see a nurse or doctor,have a medical appointment,see people in wheelchairs,see a hospital related programme on TV I feel so nauseous and scared and all the memories all the feelings of that time come flooding back.I am constantly on high alert etc every time the phone rings is there something wrong do i need to go to hospital again etc I can't really escape from it all I sort of feel trapped again not like when I was physically trapped like before but mentally trapped this time.I have nightmares during the night and there is always something during the day that reminds me of everything.My younger sister was recently diagnosed with MS and that really affected me also I'm scared she will end up the way I was trapped and in a wheelchair.She is just coming out of depression she is still on medication for that and i must say this year has been a nightmare and terrifying at times with her oh my goodness depression is very scary when it's very bad.Daddy is also in and out of hospitals all the time due to an ongoing health issue and he is a cancer survivor so all of this going right now too isn't helping and this year has been awfully hard.I am seeing a counsellor/therapist and she is helping me with my ptsd etc and I guess I do feel a tiny teeny bit better after each session with her.Hopefully the bad memories will fade away in time i really don't want to be like this forever and am going to do everything I can to get better.I was never supposed to be able to walk again I never thought I'd be able to and well I am.Right now I don't think the ptsd will ever go away but I know in time it will it's just going to take some time.One thing I have learned from my experience is that I am a very patient person so I'll try to be patient this time too and hope it will eventually all go away.
:)
