ED Ptsd and anorexia

[Aine]

I've struggled with my eating for years and rocket back and forth from starvation to eating normal meals. I think for me, for a long time, it was more a systematic form of self-harm. I didn't eat when I felt I needed to be punished or when I felt like I needed to be a better person.

There are forums you can join specifically for people in recovery and the blogging community were really supportive of me, no matter what my eating habits. Talking to your therapist is also a good idea and I hope you find some peace with yourself soon.

*hugs*

 

[Deleted member 487]

I wish I had anorexia. Right now I'm 120# overweight.

 

[brokenchild]

I wish I had anorexia. Right now I'm 120# overweight.

Uh . . . . . you do realize anorexia is a DISORDER and not a diet, right? That it is more deadly than being overweight?

 

[Deleted member 487]

I am well aware of what anorexia is.

 

[Heather]

I think broken child's point is that anorexia is a serious illness. It's not something that should be taken lightly or used in such a flippant manner. It will probably come across as offensive. Especially to those that struggle with this very issue.

That may have not been your intention but that is how others may view it. Just my opinion mind you.

Take care. Heather

 

[Tinyflame]

Just an aside, Anorexia is a loss of appetite- due to whatever reasons (illness, etc); Anorexia nervosa is the disorder referred to here (primarily). But one can have Anorexia without having Anorexia nervosa.

 

[Deleted member 487]

You're right. I'm sorry.

Here I am, dealing with having three traumatic brain injuries, my diet is down to one-half of what I used to eat, and I'm still gaining weight. Yeah, the luxury of gaining weight no matter what.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Blueangel,

I certainly think you would be best speaking about this to your t. Not all therapists understand eating disorders very well but trauma t's usually have a pretty good idea of them.
One can have "sub clinical "eating disorder behaviour that still has big impact on ones life. It sounds like you have had this for a long time.
Many people "recover" from anorexia and are a "normal" weight but still suffer mentally in similar ways and are still obsessed. The non eating disordered world does not really get that.

I actually could not eat without a wall behind me so also understand the sense of vulnerability mentioned!

She bases a lot of her theory on a study done in the US on healthy male college students (this was back in the 50's) who volunteered to starve themselves and overexercise to see what the psychological effects would be. .

Hi Jesse,
As someone who has had an ed for over thirty years and who is now recovered I have some opinions about this. Starvation absolutely does cause eating disorder type symptoms in itself. The Maudsley approach is another treatment model that treats the issue mainly as a nutritional issue (especially for teenagers). Food is medicine is the main concept.

I have looked at masses of research though and it looks like those with a trauma history do not magically get cured by food. I certainly was not and know masses of others who did not too (there is research to back this up).
All the men in the research you mentioned went back to nomal within a fairly short period of time without any psycological help being required - although there were a few incidents along the way such as one of them who cut his own hand off I believe. :-/

For some ed's are more about a diet tht has gone wrong but for others they are a very deeply entrenched coping mechanism and an expression of self harm.

They are mostly about distilling all the problems in ones life and the world into the tiny world of food and weight and numbers and avoiding feelings, thoughts/reality.

I wish I had anorexia. Right now I'm 120# overweight.

Hi cactus jack,
I so see you meant no harm so don't you worry. It is just v hard for those who have had this illness to see people say things like this as it so not about food and is an excrutiatingly painful illness to suffer with on a psychological level.
Gaining weight can absolutely be a luxury when one is starving to death and yet cannot eat. :)
On a practical level it may be worthwhile getting a registered dieticians advice as you may be able to help your metabolism and nutrition will be so improtant for you while healing from the ops.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear cactus jack, I'm sure everyone realizes you didn't mean it flippantly, just ironically/ 'off the cuff'.
(Versus) sort of like anyone would think (you hear them say) one is lucky to have cancer for the weight loss :confused:, sometimes people actually say that! You're not that way.

If anything, you have to take care of yourself. How is your thyroid?, and sounds like could be water retention vs weight, being that you are gaining 'weight' eating less. Also, stress causes weight gain (the increased cortisol/ cortisone levels). But muscle weighs ten times what fat does, so someone can have smaller 'dimensions' yet 'weigh' more, too.
Go by how you feel, hopefully better and more healthy.

Please take care of yourself and don't go hard on yourself! Everything or any comment could be a trigger for any one of us (me, especially, I know for one)- and it can be the most benign thing! Not anyone's fault, just to be accepted/ worked through.

Abstract hits the nail on the head: when already misunderstood it's commonplace and feels painful when a comment doesn't seem to 'grasp' it/ the realities, just like more people die of anorexia (who have ptsd) than the ptsd itself. And just like many people don't understand ptsd, or self-harming behaviours, or suicidal inclination/ ideation (at all).

 

[Abrasky]

I was a healthy eater all my life until a year ago. Mcdonalds, nice big vegie meals ect. A year ago I had a trauma related to my diabetes, which is my other fun illlness. :D. The trauma that started was was every time I ate, my blood sugar would drop and I would almost pass out and then have to eat large amounts of carbs that I didn't want to eat to bring it back up. I hate lemonade now, can't drink because of what happened. It was a kidney infection that knocked out my kidney's and as I am insulin dependent, the insulin wasn't getting out of my system causing these traumatic eating sessions.It wasn't' discovered for 2 months.
I did this eating thing for a month and honestly believed I was going to pass out and end up in a coma. I luckily had the support of my husband who fed me when I couldn't due to my blood sugar making me really weak.
I started not eating from this. I just wouldn't eat because I was afraid to. And I lost a few kilos. I was already underweight. I went to see a nutrionist who informed me I was developing an unhealthy view of eating. She told me that the diabetes trauma had made me stop eating for enjoyment and ordered me to enjoy food and eat more sugar and things I wanted to eat.I made a bit of progress with my PTSD that was about perfectionism that happened at the right time too. That helped me ease back to the way I was before.
I haven't had a problem since I saw that nutrionist bless her, but I sympathise, being scared to eat is awful. I hope that you are able to find a nutritionist to tell you to eat sugar.
Some of those nutrionists are way too anti- enjoy your food and contributed to me thinking it was all about the food in the first place. I'm glad there was one that let me enjoy my food after I hating it for a month.

 

[Powder]

After starting T. in January, I have been dealing with everything that's surfacing the best I can. So far so good, but the only thing that's bugging me is that I'm hungry all the time. So I have put on a little weight. Then, after having a flashback the end of last week, I'm shook up. After finally telling my husband what it means, I can't eat. Back into the Anna. Used to have the Mia II, where I'd binge until I was afraid I'd eaten enough to do damage or gain weight and then I'd excercize compulsively until sweat started to drip off my chin, then I believed I'd worked it off (and I felt better, too, very calm). This led to running all the time; I love the runner's high and the tired calm afterwards. But now I'm in Anna mode. Scared to eat anything at all, don't want to be fat, want to control myself rigidly, etc.

Hope I can make it until Thursday okay, and my counselor only does Thursdays and Fridays. I guess I'm afraid of more flashbacks coming and what it is going to do to me. How I need to talk with her about them is pushing on me hard. I told my husband, but I need to get it into therapy to gain perspective and feel safe (if possible) with my thoughts.

 

[Abstract]

Scared to eat anything at all, don't want to be fat, want to control myself rigidly, etc
.

Hi Muse. Sorry to hear you are struggling with this.
I don't know if anyone has worked with you on this but having alternative coping methods on hand helps a lot.

It then comes down to hard work as one always has to use them and practice practice and it is tough. But it can always change and making a commitment to yourself to always avoid behaviours no matter what helps so much The problem is that the emotions get channelled into food and body stuff and then one can't really deal with them. And then nutritional issues make ones mood and wellbeing even worse. Fight fight fight as it is so worth it.
Take care.