Relationship Ptsd and having kids over for supper-time

[Never_falter2]

My kids are friends with two other boys, let’s call them Tommy and Johnny and let‘s call their mother Mary.
Mary is a single parent, who works at daft hours and typically has her parents watch her boys. Sometimes however they do not and she does not have another sitter (not sure if she has the money). She is not really a good friend, but I do like her okay. Her boys are friendly kids, but pretty wild and talkative. Our kids are actually very much the same.
Sometimes Mary asks me to watch her kids at unusual hours, they do have evening supper with us and sometimes we have to wait for her to pick them up, she often is not on time... and this sucks because it is bed time for our kids. My guy typically does not like kids having supper with us because he comes home right before supper and wants to de-stress. However sometimes he comes back after supper and after Mary picked up her kids.

So Mary has asked me to watch her kids again. Vet is not even sure if he will be there at the time... but he is really opposed to that and annoyed with Mary being always late.

Vet is not being triggered by the kids, just stressed. He actually does not have to do a thing, can just sit there and relax, but he still does not like it.
I pretty much do not mind having them over, our kids like them and while Mary is not really a friend of mine she is always friendly and sometimes does things like bring homemade cake and I do not want to let her down.
Sorry, I am not sure if this is a ptsd or a parenting question.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you forgot to ask the question.

 

[Never_falter2]

Oops, yes: My question would be: A I being a horrible spouse for telling my Vet he has to live with this?

I often depend on others watching my kids... which can be quite wild and loud (and unlike her I am not even a single mother and do not even work)... so I want to pay it forward. I would feel bad not to watch her kids when she asks me to.

 

[ILoveLife]

A I being a horrible spouse for telling my Vet he has to live with this?

I don't think so. What you're saying is reasonable. I think I couple of times here and there is perfectly okay. Not like they live with you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The only thing I'm unbending on with my vet is my kids. They have to have to have a normal existence. I refuse to have their life altered by tiptoeing around PTSD. So I'd say if your kids having friends over stresses him out, then he needs to learn to go do something else while they're playing. If he likes to paint, he can go upstairs and paint, etc. This is something he needs to adapt to. This is normal family life stuff.

 

[Never_falter2]

Sorry. I was multitasking and forgot to explain half of the stuff.

Mary asks me to watch her kids during supper-time maybe once every two weeks. Vet typically is okay with having kids over but he hatesut when it happens during supper time during the week while he is okay with it during the weekend.
Tommy and Johnny are pretty loud and talkative... but to be honest: ours can be just like this.
Vet hates it when Mary is late, which does happen. He hates lateness in general and he hates it when it interferes with the kids bedtime routine. I do ask her to pick her kids up before mine have bed time. When she is late I typically tell mine it is okay to stay awake a little longer. Typically he does not have to do a thing. On a few occasions he had to watch them for a few minutes while I put the kids to bed (put kids to bed, not bring kids to bed= correct English, right?)... but that has only happened on a few occasions.
I am not asking too much of him, am I?

 

[EveHarrington]

Compromise.

If he’s ok with it on weekends, do it on weekends.