Ptsd And Religion

[Angus McGee]

If only this was easy.

Yeah. If only.

 

[goingonhope]

Angus, My thoughts will be with you and I will be hoping that you continue, continue, continue to

Pray. Write down what you feel. Let your wife know you are there for her. What ever she needs. Take care

(((Hugs)))

 

[Kintsugi]

This is all going to sound somewhat... really silly and is totally off-topic from where the thread is at now, but my 2¢.

I began on my first novel when I was 12. To this day, the most elaborate world I created was in that novel, and I still think about it and develop it. This world became my religion when my PTSD symptoms cropped up. It was called, "It Was Meant to Be." When I started out writing it, it was going to be a novel about eternal faith in fate, and how everything happens for a reason. But three years later, when I was wrapping up the story, it turned into a story about how the concept of fate is just really screwed up and how many people must be screwed over for this stupid plan and who the hell made this stupid plan anyway?

As I developed the historic timeline of this world... there were "gods" in the world much like Greek or Norse mythology, and the mythology I concocted ends with humans infecting the world like a cancer, spreading everywhere and hurting everywhere and lying, cheating, and stealing everywhere, killing off everything that wasn't useful to them or that threatened them. And all the "gods" abandon the world, because it has become so ugly.

And that is how I feel. It there is a God, he left the building. I would.

 

[Angus McGee]

your story sounds kind of like the story line in Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

MissAntiSunshine, know this with all your heart. Just because you can't feel God's presence doesn't mean He isn't there waiting for you to turn to Him. Relinquishing control (especially for the PTSD sufferer) is very difficult, but it's what's required in order to heal.

 

[Kintsugi]

Just because you can't feel God's presence doesn't mean He isn't there waiting for you to turn to Him. Relinquishing control (especially for the PTSD sufferer) is very difficult, but it's what's required in order to heal.

I realize this is your thread, Angus, but I feel like I owe it to myself to be honest. I find what you said really offensive. Yes, relinquishing control is part of healing. But this sounds like the whole AA admit that there is a higher power that you must turn yourself over to in order to recover.

I think that's BS. I think the world has circumstance and circumstance controls our options and we make decisions that we have to live with.

Besides, is God waiting for my abusers? Well sure, if you buy into the concept of God then yeah he is. The only thing I've been attracted to in religion is the idea of Satan. From what I hear, he sounds like a great guy. Eternal hellfire for those who earned it. I relate to him. An angel fallen from Heaven and descended to Hell where he can punish those who have sinned.

 

[Kintsugi]

And, I'll add, someone who saw God's good will towards all and found it unacceptable.

God's not waiting for me. When I die I will be dust and memories and traces and genetics.

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks for being honest. I didn't mean to offend.

 

[Angus McGee]

Besides, is God waiting for my abusers?

What I meant by that statement is that God is waiting for you to call on Him and allow Him to heal you. Individually, personally. Those who have hurt you will have to answer for what they've done. There's no question about it. But that's a whole different discussion.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm sorry, Angus. My response was a snap reaction of bitterness.

The truth is that something sacred gave me the will to live about two years ago. Call it God if you'd like. It was welcoming me and pulsing and vivid and warm and so huge. I believe in sacred things, holy things, holiness. But not a being. Not a person-thing. Not a God the way the Bible would tell it.

 

[Angus McGee]

That is entirely your choice. I can't say I know what you're going through. Believing in God for me personally has helped me through the pain I have of watching my wife suffer from her PTSD. I don't understand why it's happening, but I'm not supposed to understand, according to the bible. I'm just supposed to trust.

My original question was based on that.

As a non-sufferer, I don't know what it's like to be inside the head of one who is suffering. My wife has walked away from her faith during this time, and I wanted to know if that was a common thing.

Then, this thread took on a life of it's own, and I for one am very surprised and excited about all the comments everyone has posted.

To offend someone is the opposite of my intent. However, this subject is one of those which polite people never discuss. The other is politics. I'm NOT going to get into that one! :speechless:

 

[Ruth09]

I'd like to add to this. Because I'm at my own crossroads, and I have made my choice.
It may be the PTSD, Depression, whatever,...
This is how I feel: Yes.
I feel that the Christian God I worshipped has turned his back on me.

Now, I wasn't a the bible thumping sort, but for all the "living a proper life" I've done it has gotten me no where in help for my condition. I've called upon him many of times. And he never came. I never felt better before, during, or after prayer. I actually felt so much worse. Any response I got was "If an eye offend thee, pluck it out". So, if my life offends me, then it would be ok to end it. This is not a way to live.
Man kills indiscriminately, and God allows it. I've seen it.
I never saw a loving and compassionate God. My mind was always at odds with Him. He never gave me comfort. If people never gave me comfort, then there was a chance that He would. It didn't happen.

I'm not mad at him. Why should I be? If He doesn't care, why should I worry what he thinks? If He IS a loving and compassionate God and He does exist, He will forgive me because He has watched me in my struggles. He has heard my screams and seen my tears. And when I see him, I can ask him, "What the F*ck?!"

But until then, I will continue to live my life. I will continue to be upright, loving, and compassionate. But, I won't get on my knees again to pray to him, or to worship him.

If He were my best friend,... I'd kick Him in the balls.

 

[jka37]

It's hard not to feel abandoned by God when symptoms are controlling my life. When I think about how hard things are for me, then I start to think about how many people have it worse than me, and how many people don't have help or support available...then it gets discouraging and painful and scary

I also take comfort in knowing God is bigger than all of this, and I take comfort in the community of my church. The women in my small group listen, pray for me, and support me.

It all doesn't make sense to me without God, but when I feel conflicted between God/doubt, I find myself in confusion. I don't choose anything or own anything, and it sucks.

My effort right now is going toward making decisions and believing, one way or the other. That seems much stronger than not doing anything.