Relationship Ptsd And Sex....

[Sunshine71]

It's been 3 years since I posted lovely people.... I am not sure where time flies to.....

Since finding a good new career things have improved for my PTSD suffering hubbie.... however our personal life is nonexistent... no laughter, no going out, no intimacy, maybe twice/ 3 times a year he tries to have sex and each time a flashback is triggered.... I turn into what happened....

I don't know if this is common or if anyone has any ideas.... I really try my best but I am heartbroken....

We are only young... well mid 40's and he is exhausted with all of the help/ counselling and it really never helped....

If anyone has any thoughts I would love to hear....

Yours, with thanks Sunshine x

 

[The Albatross]

I had a mentor who remarked rather candidly on sexual dysfunctions and asked us both if it was a deal breaker. Turned out for us, so far, it wasn't. I've had some rather hard core mentors about life and adversity though.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Maybe try other forms of intimacy that are less triggering. Even making a point of going out is a form of intimacy and even romance.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks so much for your reply - very interesting xxx

 

[Sunshine71]

I agree and have said how much I would like for us to go out, hold hands, just look in my eyes.... but it just never happens.... I have tried a few things but get rejected... or ignored... then I am left feeling gutted.... and rejected.... too scared to try anything ... maybe just sitting on his lap and being playful... he seems to get passively angry... :(

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

sounds to me like there is more going on with him that requires someone qualified to help him.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

This may be TMI - so please be warned before reading, but

When my husband has found sex difficult or "flashback" inducing, we have found that it really blesses him (and me) for him to lay nude on the bed and just let me caress him - head to toe. Sometimes I can gently caress him for 2-3 hours, and sometimes this has led to more. :) But the caressing really helps him feel loved and SAFE in my hands ..

And we have an agreement between us that "sex" is the FLOWER on the table, but it isn't the LEGS that hold up the table - so if we have a season where there is no flower on the table - for whatever reason - the "table" itself is still on solid ground .. for us the four legs are mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy - where "physical" has more to do with our "fitness" for and overall attractiveness to one another without necessarily having to mean sex proper .. We reassure each other that our relationship is SECURE no matter the seasonal changes .. We also get creative .. I could share more specifics in a private message if you're interested.

*prayers and hugs* if you accept!
~WU

 

[NaeNae75]

This may be TMI - so please be warned before reading, but

When my husband has found sex diff...

That's beautiful !

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@WhisperingUnicorn I think that's a health way to look at it, you may want to just take the flower off the table for good while so that the other measures can heal, and build confidence and strength. This you might say is like making the foundation (the table legs as you put it) stronger. So that when the time is better that flower as you put it is easier for him to cope with.

I can understand what he is going thru, I freak out when I am not the one controlling a situation, and the partner is the one controlling and aggressive, it triggers me sometimes. But this rarely happens because my hypervigilance keeps me from engaging in truly intimate relationships, thus I seek those which some might say are self destructive but where I direct its happening. Its something I am trying to change.

 

[Gs172003]

I am struggling in this area myself. I can't get close to my husband to save my life. I have tried just to have nothing but trouble with it.

I read the story of what worked for somebody else on here and even it was an issue for me and now for some reason I feel like I'm post coital. I feel like an idiot.

That said please be patient. This is so hard. I don't want to do this to him. I would wager to say he doesn't want to do this to you either. I hope you and he find healing.

 

[Sunshine71]

Wow thanks as always... what incredible people on this forum..... I hope this thread may help others too....

I am scared as its been so long now and I dont know if I have feelings for him... he is so cold.... I would love to try something like the above too - but we always seem to be working... then our young son comes home from school.....its all a rush.... not I am back out in my office catching up on emails.... I need to pause the world.

I am scared to make the move as I am always rejected..... he used to think I was beautiful and the best thing ever..... it made me feel happy and confident... thanks guys.

Love Sunshine

 

[Sunshine71]

This may be TMI - so please be warned before reading, but

When my husband has found sex diff...

Thank you so much for your honesty and advice - this has helped a great deal and maybe something we can aim for... thank you Whispering Unicorn .... With love Sunshine xxx