Relationship Ptsd Combat Vet

[Sighs]

@windswept - just to be clear - I'm not laughing at him or you or the fact that you were frightened of him.

I'm really struggling to explain it - I guess the best I can come up with is that you don't realise that he's already fallen down the rabbit hole / through the looking glass / into the Twilight Zone - whatever. You can leave a combat zone but it won't necessarily leave you.

 

[Seagreen]

I left as he was screaming at me to leave his house before he called the cops as I was the dumbest b*tch on the planet to say hate that to a combat vet along with other extremely hateful things.

I missed this before writing my previous comment. If this is the case then you did the right thing to leave. If you feel threatened always leave. This is not ok. I don't think he is pretending to have PTSD to use you as a booty call. He would need to be a pretty good actor to pull that off. But its not ok to abuse you like that. I would stay away.

 

[darrenS]

i could imagine to a lay person just learning and also developing a relationship, would be both frightening and confusing - its like a roller coaster , some days are good many bad, reactions are sometimes confusing, extreme , abusive or dependent. I can understand you walking out and do not criticize you at all , i understand your need to set clear boundaries and admire you for doing so - you are helping him in doing so and making the steps to ascertain a future. the only concern i have , the fact your dating others and he dosent like it. This may be nothing and may not react at all, but many people with ptsd and im not suggesting all , have serious trust issues , we can at times suffer from delayed reaction to events. I would simply be careful of this and possibly check on it occassionally - i think your approach is healthy and fair

 

[StarChild]

However, something is amiss. You first described that you left because you know you should leave when this happens for someone with PTSD. Then you only later describe that he was threatening to call the cops if you didn't leave. You tried to make this look like he freaked due to PTSD and you did all the right thing by leaving.

Yes, this is bothering me as well @Justmehere ... Would you please (again) clarify these two different statements of the same incident @windswept?

 

[windswept]

As far as the comment you made to him, saying that you hate something he does in a very intimate vulnerable moment - it probably stirred up insecurity and fear he has about being close. His reaction was way out of line, and it sounds like you did the right thing by leaving when he said he would call the cops if you didn't leave.

During the episode, he shoved me off and started screaming at me everything I said before. I couldn't get a word in edge wise. I was frozen in bed in fear for about 5 seconds with him continuing to shout at me while getting my clothes on. We have hung out several times and had sex since then with no episodes. My issue thinking he is using PTSD is an excuse is his dating profile up.

 

[windswept]

Yes, this is bothering me as well @Justmehere ... Would you please (again) clarify these two different statements of the same incident @windswept?

I knew to leave as I know people with PTSD could hurt me or himself since he was completely out of control saying killing and his gun. When I left, I texted him mom to check on him as I didn't know if he was going to kill himself or what.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

@windswept but your dating people too! So why does the fact that he has a dating profile up make him a player or using his ptsd as an excuse? Maybe he just feels that since you are dating others then he has the right to do so as well.

 

[windswept]

@darrenS

He is the one that re-posted his dating profile and told me to do the same.

 

[Sighs]

Why wouldn't his dating profile be up? You're dating other men. You've mutually agreed to be non-exclusive. What's the issue?

 

[windswept]

@windswept but your dating people too! So why does the fact that he has a dating profile up make him a player or using his ptsd as an excuse? Maybe he just feels that since you are dating others then he has the right to do so as well.

He had his dating profile reposted by the next day. I brought it up this AM about him wanting me to delete mine and his. He said no as I deserve someone better than him.

 

[Justmehere]

How is he using PTSD ab excuse for sex? Are you having sex with him because he has PTSD? Why would you keep having sex with a guy who threatened to call the police on you?

You deserve so much better. I recommend you stop pathologizing his behavior and let him face natural consequences for what he did - Ptsd or not. Both him kicking you out and threatening to have law enforcement come after you and now openly seeking to date other women while having sex with you - these are pretty clear messages that this guy is not ready for a committed relationship with you. Don't drag the PTSD into it as an excuse for his behavior. It's very unhealthy that you continue to stay anyhow, even as friends, when he has done this to you. Whatever is going on for him, you deserve so much better. You know this, right? He doesn't need you to rescue him. It's only enabling him more to continue being a jerk to you.

 

[darrenS]

yes but as you know when we are threatened - we sometimes to tend lash out - its fine if his dating profile is up and its a healthy reason , otherwise it could becoming a game of uppe the ante, only time will tell and one things that is in short supply with many suffers are truly healthy moves - it could be a healthy move, but my instincts tell me otherwise, however at the same time i am not saying im correct , its just a different aspect or angle to view it from