Ptsd, Constant Anxiety, Need Someone Who Knows This.

[MichaelB]

Hello,

To start ill say im a 20 year old male. No point in beating around the bush so ill just say it, when I was eight years old I saw my baby sister die in front of me due to a heart problem. This was my first experience with death. More recently two years ago more other sister age 15 died of unknown causes, likely heart related but I was also there to see her get shocked, worked on, and pronounced dead. That was in december of 2009.

I didnt really feel any anxiety until about 6 months after, I was basically in shock after her death. Yet I slowly started to get it, starting off with some social anxiety which I am past now.

Here and there I would have a panic attack spaced about 3 months apart. Now more recently Ive been getting it daily. For the last 4 months ive lived in this constant fear of my own death, any little chest pain of pressure anywhere on my body and I feel like im going to drop like my sisters did. I've been through every medical test possible so this is not a physical medical problem. Many things set me off, I can hear a sound that reminds me of my childhood and Ill get stuck for an hour in crippling anxiety. I work through most of it getting my commitments that ive made taken care of but its becoming hard to live life this way.

Daily I'm afraid of dying, things that were once normal to me no longer seem normal, if someone mentions my sisters name or brings it up I get serious ringing and echoing in my ears, and if I dont fight or flight I freak out!

What I want is just to be able to live normally, I take xanax when needed during panic but I dont know about any other medications. I also am doing EMDR weekly.

Any comments of support or advice, anything would be appreciated.

 

[Chondra]

Hi Michael. I am very sorry you are having such a difficult time. PTSD can get pretty rough.

From what I can tell, you are doing the right things - medication for symptom control, combined with EMDR to directly address it.

It takes time, but with work, it gets better.

I hope you stay, look around a bit and see you are in good company.:tup:

 

[Moonwolf 89]

Hi Michael. My name is Kat and I'm 22, so just about your age.

My anxiety and panic attacks have become a daily thing also. It's really a rough place to be and I can sympathize with what you're going through.

You're doing all of the right things, just like Chondra said.

We both just need to hang in there.

Some things I have found that can give me an hour or so of relief are:

1) A really long and involved book that I can just immerse myself in for awhile. If you're looking for something that will last awhile I've been using the game of thrones series myself.

2) Taking a nap, it's not always possible, but if you can get a nightmare free nap it can give your body some time to calm down.

3) Movies, anything completely distracting.

4) Running or other physical activity.

That's all I've found so far and to be honest, they don't always work, but it's always worth a try to see if they will. Hope something helps.

 

[Ricanoland]

I am 19 years old, and I have constant anxiety also. It does get better sometimes for me it will be two weeks of bad anxiety and then I will be able to calm down or at least notice a slight let up in shaking for a few days to a week. PTSD for me at least comes in waves. Some months are better than other, some weeks are better than others, even days and minutes have there own moments as you know. you have to ride the beast until it has no choice but to give you a break.

I know I deal with "I feel my PTSD giving worse than it was" and then I will have "maybe my PTSD is gone, at least for a while" sometimes even in the same month. When you get a break from the horror, take it in. Because we have a daily fight with PTSD. Also I know for me, I feel like I am going to die some days too.

As we grow older I am sure it will start to balance out more, until then I wish you the best of luck my friend.

Rica.

 

[Pale Warrior]

From and older sufferer.

Keep going, keep healing, keep learning and growing. Learning how to recognise your own mental signals as well as external triggers and when to seek help are crucial skills.

Don't expect miracles, good healing takes time. Taking ownership of your PTSD but not the blame is a tricky one, we didn't cause this to happen and none of it was our fault yet we are left holding the baby, so to speak.

It has taken me three rounds of therapy and a number of failed attempts in counseling (over 28 years) to reach some sort of balance. Different events propelled me each time and each round has built on the work done previously. Finding the right person was important for me. Most recently, I needed to feel I could trust them not to be shocked by, or overly engaged in, the events of my childhood as I had already processed much of that in previous years. Reprocessing the trauma can be very hard but has been worth it in the end.

Also, with passing time and longer periods of stability, I have been able to develop a new idea of my future and form ambitions that are wider than getting through the next day without killing my self. Learning new coping strategies takes time, as does implementing them reliably in stressful contexts.

Be gentle with yourself and do your best, there is a great big world beyond the diagnosis.

 

[Moony]

I'm 20 years old and also have really awful anxiety sometimes. It comes in patches. Some days everythings fine for the most part then there are other days I don't want to leave my room. I'm on medication that's supposed to help but...we'll see. Today I'm feeling so anxious that I barely feel connected to this reality. It's like my mind is somewhere else. I know what it's like to want to live normally. I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this. You seem to be doing good things to manage it. Things will get better :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have found writing about the anxiety here in this forum has helped me to overcome a driving phobia. I am still in the beginning stages of it though. Examining the irrational thoughts behind the anxiety has also helped.

I agree with Pale Warrior, all of it. Hang in there and do not give up. I hate and loathe anxiety.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Oh, and do consider complimentary therapies and pampering.

I have found pedicure does me the world of good as a destressor. Having some one work on my feet for an hour can be all I need to recharge the coping mechanisms.

Aroma therapy massage gave my husband great respite during a crisis. At other times he has used meditation and self hypnosis.

What I am saying is that reconnecting mind and body can be part of the process, grounding us through our sensory existence.

 

[just me here]

I think you are on the right path, and taking advantage of the resources (like this forum) is also a big help. I personally benifited from several sessions of biofeedback training, teaching me to be aware of my adrenaline levels and how to get them back down sooner. I think I have had one true panic attack where I was totally checked out and hyperventilating, but no more than the one time for sure. Without the biofeedback training I can see the same pattern you talk about happening in my life.

Best of thoughts to you