Ptsd Diagnosis As Enabling

[somethingsomething]

In a lot of ways the diagnosis was amazing and exactly what I needed. I had been struggling for years in therapy with anxiety and intimacy issues with no real understanding as to why. So when I finally figured out what it was...well, it sucked and it was hard to process at first...but after that, it was like, "Okay, so how do I get through this now?"

But at the same time...it did feed my bad behaviors a little bit. But that might've been dealing with the ptsd itself and not the actual diagnosis. I used to cut a little as a teenager, but when I realized my ptsd in my early 20s, I started cutting again...and a lot more. (Though to be fair, that was mostly because the initial realization was so emotional I literally couldn't deal with my pain any other way.) I even resorted to some old anorexia tactics. Whether or not it was the ptsd itself, the diagnosis did, in a way, make me feel like it was okay to do those things to an extent. I don't really feel that way anymore. Although, there are moments where if things get too bad, I won't eat and I'll contemplate cutting...and I'll justify it by thinking 'I have PTSD, so it's okay. I'm just having trouble dealing with it.' Usually pretty quickly though, I shake myself out of it.

 

[The Albatross]

Eh, no. I didn't see PTSD as enabling but at time of diagnosis I was already in recovery circles for both substance and physical health issues. It was to me just some more adversity.

 

[Freebird2015]

When I was diagnosed I felt a huge sense of relief that I wasnt totally crazy! Also, I was comforted in knowing that some people in this world understood what I was going through. The support that came with the acknowledgement was huge in my healing- which I am still working on. But I also felt a sense of shame, I had to hide my diagnosis. I wasnt working, and was focusing on self care, which was really 'enabled' financially by my diagnosis. But I hated meeting new people because the first thing that everyone asks is 'what do you do?' I always had a witty comeback- like I dance, I hike, I read... but I felt like my definition of doing good would be to support myself financially. So my diagnosis was holding me back from that. One day my caseworker told me 'you will be a rockstar one day, just not today.' that did it. Im an aries. lol. I had a full time job within the week. There are some days I regret moving myself along so fast. Today I almost called in sick due to a trigger. But I pushed myself, and got through it. Everyone handles stress different. For me, being busy and doing the best and most I can do is what I need. Will that backfire? Will I regret it? Would that work for everyone? IDK

 

[Anarchy]

Was it enabling in a co dependant sense?

If it is any consolation to you, and your partner, I've gone half a century without accepting that I have PTSD, It was first suggested that I might have it, several years ago, and I totally rejected the idea until last August.

Even without accepting that I had it I've still done some serious isolating (living off grid, becoming almost totally nocturnal, even taking the tractor to feed the cattle under cover of darkness rather than in daylight) when I've been symptomatic.

When I was in my mid teens, I also used to drink and then go quiet, morose/ruminative and withdrawn when I was symptomatic - but back then (late 70s ) it would have been seriously unsafe to admit that I was upset over a secret same sex relationship ending, teenagers were still ending up in psychiatric hospitals for such things back then.

Did I find it "enabling" in a codependant sense, after I accepted that yes, C-PTSD does explain a lot of things about me?

oh hell yes!

I let myself get upset and give out to friends when they innocently and accidently touched my triggers, I let myself ruminate for days on end about what got me here to start with (I have a stereotyped freeze response, so it probably started before I was 6 months old),

- rather than dealing with it and learning to function effectively in the present.

I also walked out on my responsibilities - but with the silver lining/lemonade, that some time and distance got me into a place where I could see out of the very small dissociative compartment that my mind had been operating in.

A quick look down the new threads on the home page here, almost always produces at least one thread by a "supporter" who is using PTSD to excuse or enable un acceptable behaviour from a partner (or all too often, someone they met 5 days ago on a dating site) - who probably deserves to be dumped, or at least to face whatever adverse consequences their :poop: behaviour is precipitating (would it be trolling to suggest a "codependency and enabling" sub forum in the supporter section? :devilish: because some of those members do seem to suffer from raging co dependency, and it doesn't come with spots or a temperature to indicate its presence, although it's usually pretty obvious to anyone who knows what signs to look for).

 

[ihateusernames]

Here's my disclaimer: I ain't got no diagnosis. So, I can only speak from somewhat related experience. I have spent my whole life stuffing this stuff. Pushing it back, forgetting, pretending that it has no effect on me. Until recently I couldn't anymore. Now that I'm attempting to face my reality it does feel like the emphasis is all on how fragile and broken I am. I don't like that, and I feel exactly like it's just giving me an excuse to withdraw from life and to treat myself in a coddling manner. I'm regularly disgusted with myself because I'm afraid to go back to work, I've let most of my relationships slip away, etc. etc.

But:

I don't think I ever gave myself permission to not try to do what I have to, but it helped explain part of why I failed or why I felt so long the way I have or why some things were so very difficult.

This has been the rest of my life. Pushing too hard and sometimes having it all fall apart because I truly couldn't handle it, long before I got what felt like permission to not be able to handle it. One of the most perplexing situations in my life involved schooling. I think I was 11 when I decided that I was going to be a lawyer. And that was my singular focus for the next 16 years. High school was focused on that, college was focused on that, the jobs I took after graduation, focused on that, as soon as the opportunity presented itself I applied to law schools. I enrolled, moved, started school. It was something I took for granted would just happen. But I couldn't handle it. My husband had a nervous breakdown around that time, finances started freaking me out, I had recently gone through some things that I thought I had gotten over- but I hadn't- then I was what I have come to recognize as "triggered" by many of my classmates and the overall environment. I could not focus. I couldn't do anything right.

And I felt so pathetic and shameful. I was not less intelligent than most of the people who succeeded. Finances were the reason I cited for eventually dropping out. While it is true that they were difficult and stressful, plenty of my classmates were worse off. I had no kind of excuse.

I understand it all very well now, but I didn't then. Not at all. My point being; I have failed spectacularly and struggled with things other people found easy in the past. Back then I blamed myself and my inadequacies. Now I know that I have some limitations for a reason and that I have no choice but to respect them. And that feels permissive by comparison. The situation is actually the same, some things are difficult, some days I can't accomplish anything, sometimes I don't want to leave the house ever again. The thing that has changed is the way I process those things.

Maybe that's some of what's happening with you. You responded to stress by drinking heavily at times in the past, right? Your actions didn't so much change as your attitude toward them. Hopefully what I'm trying to say makes a little bit of sense.

 

[holdenmonty]

I think I was very similar in this way as the OP. When I was diagnosed/recently before I started getting help again I told myself it's ok I have PTSD it's normal for me but then through therapy and own self realization I noticed that it wasn't helping. I now try to battle it better because I know that if I keep from going to crowded places then it will slowly get worse to the point where I can't do any shopping. But on the other side of the coin if I still get really anxious and just have to escape to a safe place and compose myself then I'm not to hard on myself because I do have PTSD. It isn't an excuse to not do things but it helps to be kind to myself when I have a really tough time with certain things.

 

[anonymous]

Didn't read all replies.

So this is what I see. You took awhile to find the perfect balance for yourself, and now beat yourself up for not finding the right balance right away. Nobody EVER (and I really do mean EVER) finds the right balance to anything without a little trial and error.

I also question if you actually know the right balance or if you just think you know the right balance. I haven't read your posts in awhile, but last I read you were living in a war torn country and refused to live in a safe environment with other US citizens....instead opting to live in a place where you'd be subjected to possible kidnapping, holding you against your will, and interrogation (even bodily harm or death?)

I think you honestly need to take a step back and rethink your "healthy balance" bit cuz from where I'm sitting, you most definitely haven't hit the healthy balance thing. I think this post is a bit premature because you haven't found a healthy balance yet (even though you think you have).

 

[Casey_03]

@anonymous Thanks for replying. You may be right that i'm still searching for a healthy balance, but the "living in a war-torn country" bit is taken way out of context here - i didn't choose to live separate from other U.S. citizens, I was assigned to live in an apartment separately from them and couldn't afford to live in a hotel. There was no refusal on my part. I even contacted other journalists to make sure I was safe when i was out there; I took every precaution I could and it worked out just fine. i wasn't recklessly throwing myself into danger, I was choosing to go after a dream I've always had - to work as a war correspondent. i don't think that decision should be taken to mean I am somehow struggling with my PTSD.

 

[fellowsufferer]

Hi
For me i found the diagnosis for complex trauma liberating in the sense that it validated my symptoms. I always tought that it was somehow my own fault (not enough effort, not enough patience, not enough generische,..) i know now that its not what's wrong with me but its what happened to me!!
Biology is working against me NOT to say that i don't have my own responsibility But what i'm learning know is to be more gentle with myself. Overtime i will heal with proper treatement and good selfcare Most of the time stress hits me hard and i am now learning how to deal with it because stress is part of living life. I must retrain my body and my behavior and strengten my relationschips and that is realy hard work! Good selfcare is detrimental for my recovery i must love my body and threat it good. Healing from complex trauma is NOT an easy job it needs patience, selflove and selfcare, effort, being gentle but firm, etc..... To me it sounds like a hell of a job and i am just about to start!!

 

[Changing4Best]

I remember a time in which I stayed in bed for about 2 weeks, staring at the wall or sleeping. I did little else. I'm not sure what brought this on, nor am I sure what cured me of it, but I remember it as something I try never to do again. I know that life is better than that! None the less, when I was going through that, it seemed like what I needed to do.

These days I socialize and get out quite often. I'm active in church, go out to lunch several times a week and in general, don't spend all my time at home any longer. I do love to read, though, and probably spend several hours a day doing so. Listening to the radio is another thing I enjoy. I don't like watching TV though, I don't even own one.

 

[mamachick]

Not an easy question to answer. In ways I have found it enabling, and other ways, non permenantly. When first diagnosed, it was validating, which could be viewed as an excuse. I felt like a chronic victim, actually still do. I do not care for the characteristics of being a victim, which puts even more shame on myself. When diagnosed in 2009, I was very weak and broken. Looking back, I was not capable of doing better than I was doing. Is that just an excuse? I dont know. I know people could argue both sides. I think that if I use ptsd as a reason to stay status quo, then in might be enabling. Progression is slow and there are setbacks, but I am still moving forward, understanding the symptoms, but I try not to accept that I cant do better because of ptsd. However, there are times when I just have to say that I cannot do something because I am over tired and over stressed, and could foresee a bad out come. I think this is actually wiser than pushing beyond my limits. While I know there is no cure, there is management, and I am striving to manage them in every aspect of my life. Because I was over responsible before, I think that when I do something out of reaction and explain it, I feel like I am making excuses for myself. Yet if I were diabetic and passed out because I did not eat due to unforseen circumstances, then that would be an excuse too.

I say that because I am having a lot of extra stress right now. I thought that I was at my max stress level, then found out my sister has stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has metasticized to her liver and both lungs. She lives 8 hours away. She only has a short time to live-we never know for sure, but no more than 6 months, but could be just one month. I feel panic about how I am going to drive to see her, how she will be taken care of. I want to take care of her and dont think I can. Then I feel guilty-which is not from ptsd, but increases stress cup.

 

[fellowsufferer]

@brat17. I feel like living in this world is stressful for people without ptsd, how much more barriers do people with ptsd need to take. It's not alone daily stress we need to handle, but we have to manage our symptoms also!! I think that's why we have to be more gentle with ourselves!! NOT to use it as an excuse to stay status quo, because we can learn to manage our symptoms! I'ts also my experience that if i am to stressed out, pushing beyond my limits will make me worse. I don't think being gentle to ourselves is te same as doing nothing to improve yourself. For me, it would be enabeling IF i did nothing. As long that there is progress ( and i mean very little steps), but i don't think being to harsh on myself will help me! That' my experience: I like to learn what others on this forum have experiences relating to this topic have!! (how to find the balance between not being to harsh on yourself, and still being firm when needed?)

@brat17 Sorry to user about you're sister. I wish you much strenght in this difficult time!!