ED Ptsd & eating disorders

[Abstract]

Do you have so called safe food in each foodgroup?

 

[71nothing]

Not really.

Meats/Proteins - several options - various meats, nuts, seeds

Vegetables - none

Fruits- only apples (sometimes navel oranges)

Grains - I have foods I could eat but I don't because the carb content scares me; I do eat rice and potatos occassionally

Dairy - there are foods I used to eat but no longer do because of the no dairy rule.

I have a list I made with my personal trainer of "go to" foods for when I'm in that situation. It includes a lot of the proteins. My intentions are good but I just can't do it. Once the pattern of thoughts starts it just intensifies and I can't find a way to break the thoughts and just eat.

 

[Abstract]

I was going to say to start eating more of what you can eat as it is obviously a priority to get your intake up. Can you take a smaller step? It sounds like carbs may be a good starting point. Can you think of one thing to try? I have to say there is no easy way around as you know. Have you tried affirmations and relaxation before and then after? I think distraction is a big help as well. Planning something for straight after can help.

 

[71nothing]

Thank you Abstract.
Distraction is a good idea. Relaxation tends to make things worse because then my mind starts racing and my thoughts are not conducive to encouraging eating. I haven't mastered "clearing my head." The one day a couple of weeks ago that I did eat pizza it was because I had planned it with a friend that she and her kids would come over and eat pizza at my house. It went very well during the visit. I ate pizza and even had a cookie. After she left I felt terrible and ended up taking laxatives and running hoping the feeling would go away.

I see the nutritionist on the 17th. Right now that seems so far away. I know she won't have any magic wand for me but I'm hoping she can at least steer me in the right direction. I can't stand this much longer.

 

[Abstract]

Having the support makes all the difference. You can do this. I found distraction the thing that helped the most and for as long after as was possible. Mindfulness and accepting and letting the emotions flow over you can help a lot too. Even though they feel so real all those fears are totally unfounded. Awful when one knows that with part of the brain and yet feels so trapped.

I would say try supplements such as ensure but the trouble is that we can become dependent and them and still avoid real food. I hope your N is an ED N and can support you through this.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

When I read about people wanting to change I think that's such a good and I think it's inspiring. When I think about it for myself it gives me such mixed feelings because I know I should stop. But I have no intention of stopping. I'm totally gripped by it. And the idea really stresses me out. I can't even think about it :(.

 

[Abstract]

Not being able to think about it and not wanting to change is normal. It doesn't have to stop you doing what you need to do though. You won't be able to see it at the moment but this is only bringing you harm.

It is very anxiety provoking and overwhelming to take any step towards wellness. If I had waited till I was more able to do it though then I truly don't believe I would be here now.

But it is your journey and something you need to decide for yourself.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

It is very anxiety provoking

You're right. It really is. It provokes shame and even fear in me too.

 

[71nothing]

When I think about it for myself it gives me such mixed feelings because I know I should stop. But I have no intention of stopping. I'm totally gripped by it. And the idea really stresses me out. I can't even think about it .

You took the thoughts right out of my head. How do we not think about it?

Even though they feel so real all those fears are totally unfounded. Awful when one knows that with part of the brain and yet feels so trapped.

So true. I would hope that the part of my brain that actually thinks would overpower the irrational part of my brain. And yes! Trapped is exactly how I feel. I just want to go home and go to bed until my next therapy session yet that is a week away. Each day seems longer than the last.

 

[Kintsugi]

I thought I'd jump in here instead of making a new thread. I hope that's okay.

Being back at my parents' house is making me want to go back to extreme calorie restriction (300-400 a day). I don't know how to fight this. It feels so good. And righteous, too. And productive. I know that's not healthy. But it's my truth.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It just took me 4 hours to finish a yogurt but I did it. I eat a lot at night though. Trying to get myself hungry during the day. It just doesn't happen for me.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm fighting with the scale. There's been a number I've been trying to get to and I'm within ounces of it. It feels like it's taking me forever. And then tonight we went out to dinner. I loved the food. It was so good. But my ED sat next to me and gave me rules while I ate. Not too much of this. Not too much of that. Only one of those. And don't finish ANYTHING. While I loved the food I wasn't able to finish anything on my plate. I could have. But I wouldn't let myself. As a result when we left the restaurant I wasn't full.

And right about now I usually have a small snack. Something like dry cereal. Or sometimes strawberry twizzlers. And I won't let myself get up and get any. I just keep thinking of the food. The portion sizes. How much did I eat today? How many times did I eat today? I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to struggle over licorice.

My brother went home the other day too. And while he was here it was so triggering for my ED. He didn't know it but he was making me so nervous and anxious and uncomfortable about food because he likes to eat and he kept telling me to eat this or that. How weird of me is it that I wanted him to say something about the 20 something pounds I've lost. He didn't say anything about it. I don't understand this. I'm just thinking way too much today. I wish I could flip a switch in my head and turn my thoughts off for awhile.