Relationship PTSD first time triggered

[lostforgottensoul]

So I thought maybe I'd text my email and say I was just checking to see how he was doing and here is my email if maybe he'd prefer to respond that way when he was ready. It was just a thought I had. We don't live near each other at all so I can't drop by and check in on him.

If it means anything, that wouldn't totally freak me out. I would either ignore it, file it away for later use, or reply back. Even if that reply back is just a "thank you"

If you want to, maybe add in "I only have your cell" or something. But, just if you want to. Maybe something like "I only have your cell so I wanted to text you my email so you could email me if you would prefer to communicate that way when your ready". Or something along those lines.

But I agree with @joeylittle here that you really should do what you think is right and what is best for you. If that makes you feel better, go for it. I honestly don't think it does harm unless it's like an overboard amount of text or something like that.

 

[Songbirdhero]

If it means anything, that wouldn't totally freak me out. I would either ignore it, file it away for later use, or reply back. Even if that reply back is just a "thank you"

If you want to, maybe add in "I only have your cell" or something. But, just if you want to. Maybe something like "I only have your cell so I wanted to text you my email so you could email me if you would prefer to communicate that way when your ready". Or something along those lines.

But I agree with @joeylittle here that you really should do what you think is right and what is best for you. If that makes you feel better, go for it. I honestly don't think it does harm unless it's like an overboard amount of text or something like that.

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it. I'm actually afraid to reach out right now. I feel that I panicked and went overboard when this first happened and I've apologized profusely but want to give him some more time. But next week I may reach out again if I still haven't heard anything from him. Then he has my email and can use it if he's more comfortable that way or he can ignore it like you said and file it away for another time.

 

[Freida]

Freida wasn't blaming you. She was stating that that was too much stress for someone with PTSD. So it isn't surprising he ended up in the hospital. The best place for him at that time.

Correct!

Sorry it came across as blamy -- not my intent at all.

I think when someone with PTSD has a lot of things on their plate it can rapidly escalate to the point that they need to be hospitalized. Because that's a place they can be safe and take the time to sort out what's going on. What's wild is how fast it can happen. life seems all fine and dandy and then WHAM!!!!! isolation and hospitalization. But part of that is a lot of us are really, really good at hiding what we are feeling. It was a survival mechanism "then" and it just kinda sticks with you. So on the outside I look fine -- until I'm not. Then my poor supporters are all "WTH just happened??":laugh:

i think its a really good sign that he took himself to the hospital -- but I wonder. Is part of his isolation coming from embarrassment about that? Is this the first time you've seen this side of him? that might be why he's dragging his feet?

 

[Songbirdhero]

i think its a really good sign that he took himself to the hospital -- but I wonder. Is part of his isolation coming from embarrassment about that? Is this the first time you've seen this side of him? that might be why he's dragging his feet?

Yes to both of your questions and I was thinking the same thing. He clearly tried reaching out after it happened and to me seemed like himself. I probably went overboard with the "I was so worried about you" stuff and he went back into hiding. He tried to be himself, it was too hard, so he went back into his safe space again. I am thinking he's still trying to sort through everything because it WAS so bad he was hospitalized, and even though I can can count down to the days I heard from him since, he has no concept of that time like I do.

I know he's in there somewhere and I'm not giving up.

 

[Songbirdhero]

I think when someone with PTSD has a lot of things on their plate it can rapidly escalate to the point that they need to be hospitalized. Because that's a place they can be safe and take the time to sort out what's going on. What's wild is how fast it can happen. life seems all fine and dandy and then WHAM!!!!! isolation and hospitalization. But part of that is a lot of us are really, really good at hiding what we are feeling. It was a survival mechanism "then" and it just kinda sticks with you. So on the outside I look fine -- until I'm not. Then my poor supporters are all "WTH just happened??":laugh:

And yes to all of this! Unfortunately I didn't make the cut as I'm stressful. He's told me he's under a lot of work stress. He was pushed to far when something happened that ended up being a trigger and a few days later that landed him in the hospital. It did seem to happen suddenly out of nowhere but at the same time I felt like I should have seen something like that coming. He'd been telling me he wasn't sleeping at all and so stressed, even a person without PTSD could only take so much of that.
I hope his happy self comes back soon. I miss him a lot and find myself crying daily at some point (or multiple times) because I haven't heard from him. He said he was fine the last time we spoke but if he really was fine he would be talking and he isn't. I have a draft text to send with my email address but I'm holding off on sending it to give him a full work week without a word from me and the space he asked for. It's so hard not hearing from him. It's not like him at all. ?

 

[Freida]

I felt like I should have seen something like that coming.

nope
Especially if it was the first time you've gone thru this with him. Eventually? You will probably get better at seeing the warning signs but remember. Hiding them is part of the ptsd process. Hubby now can see it coming before I can, and he will try to tell me. sometimes I listen, sometimes not so much. So no taking the blame for what you can't control. :hug:

 

[Songbirdhero]

nope
Especially if it was the first time you've gone thru this with him. Eventually? You will probably get better at seeing the warning signs but remember. Hiding them is part of the ptsd process. Hubby now can see it coming before I can, and he will try to tell me. sometimes I listen, sometimes not so much. So no taking the blame for what you can't control. :hug:

I understand. And if this really never happened to him before like he said, I'm sure he didn't even see it coming. I feel a million miles away not being able to see him or talk to him.

 

[Songbirdhero]

I sent him my email address last evening via text. No response. This is such a strange situation to be in, completely cut off for this long and knowing he doesn't want anything to do with me right now. Hopefully he'll be more comfortable sending an email and I'll hear from him but at this point I'm clueless as to if or when I ever will. I wish he could just say if I should move on but maybe no response to me saying I'm still here and care means he doesn't want me to walk away. Men are a mystery to me in general so he's completely thrown me.

 

[nursenurse]

He may never be able to do that. Even without PTSD, some guys, and gals, cannot give closure. You have to decide what you can bear, just don’t wait in a constant state of angst. Keep up with your own stuff. If he resumes contact, great, if not, you still have an amazing life.

 

[Songbirdhero]

He may never be able to do that. Even without PTSD, some guys, and gals, cannot give closure. You have to decide what you can bear, just don’t wait in a constant state of angst. Keep up with your own stuff. If he resumes contact, great, if not, you still have an amazing life.

True, but he's also has said things that make me believe he's still dealing, processing and isolating for the time being and still wants me around.
I'm trying to stay out of that state of angst but it's not easy at all. Easy to say you should do it but not so easy when you feel what you feel.

 

[Songbirdhero]

Also, we've talked since it happened and I have no reason to believe he wouldn't talk to me eventually. I'm sure he could have changed his mind since then but I still feel he will reach out when he's ready, like he said. It's the waiting that sucks. So yes I need to go about my life.

 

[nursenurse]

Been there, done that, hard to do, I agree. Just speaking from experience combined with a bit of age. Distraction is pretty powerful, good friends and activities while away the time and broaden our horizons no matter what relationships we are in, and creates a safety net and a life in case situations do not match what we wanted or expected would happen.

The waiting can feel unbearable. He may very well reach out, I am not saying he will not. Also not saying you shouldn’t reach out in a non-mushy way as you have with the text. Be comfortable with your choices. I would encourage you to do things for yourself in the mean time. Your angst will thank you.