Sufferer Ptsd From Childhood Surgery W/o Anesthesia

[walter mitty]

I'm so sorry to hear about such a tragedy. This is the most barbaric thing I've heard of in this realm. I...

Hayden, thanks for the reply. As I see you have just joined, I assume your medical experience had a lot to do with your seeking help now. I encourage you to get around and read stuff in the forum, and meet some people in real time in the chat. If you ever want to talk in a more private way, you can start a private conversation with someone.

I am happy for you that you are starting to explore, and applaud your courage as I know it sometimes can take years before you take that first step.

Welcome!

 

[Fredsmom]

I had a similar kind of thing. I'm brand new here so forgive me if I post incorrectly. I have lymphedema( swelling in my legs ) from birth. It was very severe , so at the age of 2, they started the first of about 16 surgeries to reduce the size of my legs. This involved being cut from hip to toes each time. I had yearly surgeries sometimes 2.
Part of my issue is once I was being put to sleep but I wasn't out yet, and they started to begin the surgery but I could not speak or move. Thankfully, I did go under before they cut but the damage was done. Also my mom and I had to travel to get to the hospital. She stayed at a nurses home next door. I had lots of drains in and the dr came by , I was about 5? I asked him to wait till she got there to pull it. He said ok just let me "look" at it, so I turned over and he pulled it out. I was horrified.

Then started my mistrust for drs. For many years I was ok. Then I decided to become a nurse to help others not feel like I did. After a few years my PTSD came back full force and I had to leave work. I could not stand being around all the things that once did so much damage to me.

I've had therapy and CBT about it, but it does not cause me flashbacks or that type of thing. I feel kinda mistrustful of everyone. I have a lot of medical issues from the surgeries. They have done way more damage then good. Since then they stopped using that as a treatment at all.

I would love to hear all that you or others have learned about this type of trauma. I just want to heal and live my life .

I hope we can all find some peace .

 

[walter mitty]

I had a similar kind of thing. I'm brand new here so forgive me if I post incorrectly. I have lymphede...

Thanks Fred mom for being open and sharing. It can be tough to do especially if your new to this. Welcome to the group and I look forward to meeting you in chat sometime.

 

[Fredsmom]

Thanks, oh I forgot mine started pre 80's too. Glad to be here !

 

[RainyRoomie]

Hi everyone thank you for sharing your experiences. I did not have a surgery without anesthesia, but I am interested in this because I came close to drowning when I was young, though I don't know what age, maybe around a year or a little more and everyone told me I was too young to remember.

I've had tons of traumas since then but as a little child I had the same dream of the incident at the hotel pool almost every night and was terrified to sleep alone. I was also terrified of water and had intrusive memories. At night I'd sneak into my parent's bed and be punished every night so eventually they just had me share a bed with my brother.

When I was old enough to hear other family members talking about my near drowning and I talked about my recurring dreams my mother, who just made fun of me for being dramatic and said I wasn't old enough to remember that happening. However, when I spoke to my dad (who wasn't abusive but died soon after) he said that my recurring dream matched the actual experience.

I didn't get diagnosed with PTSD until I was 21 but now I wonder, have I had symptoms since toddler hood? People don't talk much about kids having it but reading all your posts it seems sort of common.

 

[walter mitty]

Hi everyone thank you for sharing your experiences. I did not have a surgery without anesthesia, bu...

Thanks for the post RR. I am not a pro, but from your description I expect this event was traumatic enough to be a source of PTSD.

Not everyone who had a surgery event has memories, actually it is a rather small percentage, most do not have any recollection or after effect. But some of as do have shadowy mental and physical images that can get intrusive and debilitating, especially at bed time when your mind drifts and mental controls are down.

You mom might night have been being uncaring, she believed there was no way you'd remember. I am glad you're here and appreciate you input on this topic.

 

[shimmerz]

When I was old enough to hear other family members talking about my near drowning and I talked about my recurring dreams my mother, who just made fun of me for being dramatic and said I wasn't old enough to remember that happening.

This is a common misconception. Our brains remember everything, in my opinion. And our nervous systems are NOT too immature to feel pain. I think that it is old school thinking that alludes to the thought that our infant brains cannot remember because it too, is primitive as our nervous systems were thought to be.

Just because you were not able to express in words what was happening to you, does not mean that it didn't and hasn't had a huge impact on you.

This is a long one, but some fairly good thoughts on memory as it relates to infancy. Theories, etc.

Download Limit Exceeded

 

[Anarchy]

@KatieB Sorry that you endured Surgery.

There is a scandanavian member who went through the same surgery:hug: she hasn't logged in for a while, but rest assured that you are not alone.

I also have a friend (we dated in our teens, subsequent friendship is in its fourth decade) who had open heart surgery and underwent an interracial adoption.:wtf:

I've only a very small sample to go on, but people who were caged in incubators as infants, do seem to have suffered from damaged attachment... The wonders of following medical advice :whistling:

Welcome to the forum :hug:

Just sorry that any of us need to come here!

 

[Anarchy]

I'm pretty sure that surgery as an infant in the sixties was one of the contributers to me finding my way here:wideeyed:

There are a few threads on the subject of traumatic childhood medical interventions.

 

[Katie Bishopp]

@KatieB Sorry that you endured Surgery.

There is a scandanavian member who went th...

Thank you Anarchy. It's reassuring to know you're not alone.
I am beginning to understand traum/PTSD a little more now, and am currently experiencing panic attacks which I've noticed relate to anything which makes my heart pound/race/feel different and this links very clearly to a memory I have in childhood of my heart doing this and I recall feeling extremely scared (a feeling that I might die from it). Plus i have flashbacks of being in hospital, the pain, the procedures...etc. The heart hospital whose care I'm under have said that it is possible I could be suffering from PTSD/trauma from the operations. The difference in my story compared to others, is that what I endured wasn't barbaric - the pain and mistrust that must create compared to what I feel must be horrific. Therapy is helping me understand and make sense and talk about how I feel. It can be hard to find a good therapist; luckily I have. I am soon to try a Trauma Release Exercise programme - I figure it's worth a try because living like I am day to day is much harder!
It's good to see everyone sharing their stories and offering support. X

 

[Deadman]

I am soon to try a Trauma Release Exercise programme - I figure it's worth a try because living like I am day to day is much harder!

That looks very interesting. I think I've inadvertently been doing the same thing with Systema breathing and floor exercises. I agree, definitely worth trying :)

 

[Katie Bishopp]

That looks very interesting. I think I've inadvertently been doing the same thing with Systema breathin...

Deadman - yes it sounds very similar if not the same. It's floor exercises and breathing which can help release trauma from the body so yes sounds like it! I'd be interested to know how you are finding it?