Ptsd from narcissistic abuse

[Deleted member 541]

Unless her life was threatened and she feared for her life, or there was physical abuse where her life was in danger, or there was sexual abuse against her will, then it's likely she does not have PTSD!!!!

 

[Coping with PTSD]

Hi everyone, I am new here. Last summer I went thru a nasty breakup/discard when my now ex got hi...

Hi survivorgrrrrl,
I spent 3yrs of court cases/tribunals/hearings & DVO's (hopefully the last one had in july2016) simply to be afforded the right to be left alone, the most basic human right to choose to live my life now in my way, to constantly have to engage the law in making the perpetrator understand the need for good behaviour towards myself & the children, to allow us to feel safe & away from harm, that's excluding even beginning to address & work through the intense controls, the varying levels & different degrees that were the long, painful, challenging years of abuse. Through our worst pain, we discover our talents, passions & human delights. For me, the writing enabled me to start to make sense of all the trauma, working my way back to the beginning. For, as we come to know, what we put a stop to, has a longline back to where it came from. This writing, although done with two intentions (1. To find a friend, someone who would understand & 2. To bring the behaviour into the open, so others would understand the insidious nature & how covert a narcissist can be), exposed me to a public forum that I was only beginning to learn about. Being vulnerable, quite dysfunctional & disassociating, as well as suffering from my own addictions of codependency, victim mode etc, it made me a magnet to then be further attacked & targeted online. At first I was mad that these people would behave that way & so I tried to keep up & play along, to push it aside in the hope I had it all wrong, but I then became bullied & was retraumatised/revictimised with bullying & hazing in the workplace. We as Australians at times, still suffer terribly from a level of scarcity/tallpoppy syndrome - having to tear others down out of insecurity. My personal social media accts were attracting a following which at first helped me reclaim some self worth/confidence & self esteem, but then I had work sabotaged, files moved & deleted off my work computer, employees creating fake accts to harass & meddle with me, comments & subtle innuendoes, I tried to rise above, but could feel myself deteriorating, - a manic employee caused a terrible trigger for me & it was here that I began to feel very unsafe again, I was becoming jittery, nervous, struggling to focus & concentrate, but again kept trying to bounce back. I then had 2x car accidents in the short space of 10mths apart- these accidents required no hospitalization , but somehow it felt like slamming into a brick wall, all the pieces, I'd probably still kept hidden inside - further past abuse, came back in a big way.
The week before xmas 2916, the suspicion I'd had for some time that my employer had invited my perpetrators family & friends to infiltrate my workplace was confirmed, when I received an email into my work inbox from his sister, i remember yet again, sitting at my desk frozen to the spot & everything in my head was screaming : ' dear god, not again'.
I somehow struggled thru Jan/Feb completely numb again, by March I completely unraveled & was diagnosed with PTSD. It kinda made sense, the crying for no reason, the anxiety, the depression, the panic, the state of alert & then followed by extreme states of exhaustion. And then by April I ground to a HALT. For the next 4-5 months I couldn't get out of bed, it was a struggle to get dressed, to clean the house, to cook a meal,leaving the house would send me into sheer terror & panic, my children became my careers & to some degree still are. I don't have any answers for you as to why, why now even, all I understand is that I had been exposed to what for me was terrible trauma over a long period of time with what has felt to be no reprieve. I have not been working now since March. PTSD is totally messed up, everyone is an enemy, you know you probably aren't thinking straight but you have no control over it.
Coping & managing, has to first start with acceptance, as I am still learning. It also is important to try & be focused & stay present, but there are days, moments, times where that is really hard to do. The biggest thing is to not'beat yourself up', that self flagellation that we have become accustomed as was indoctrinated in us to do. Not asking the why or getting stuck & caught up on where I'm at - helps me. The focus of gratitude & that there are many people with life threatening illness & disease puts things back into perspective. I am determined still, that a strong mind & body can regenerate itself & heal, it just takes time. And Survivorgrrrl, I CAN do time!

 

[Scarlet13]

I do think that narcissistic abuse (spousal, parental) can cause cptsd.
Recurrent emotional manipulation, coercion, gaslighting, guilt tripping, constant control are all psychological wounds that can cause a person to feel threatened and a constant loss of life. As my therapist puts it, "soul murder".
Also, gas lighting and scapegoating have the effect of causing one to feel as though they are loosing their mind. A feeling that you could go insane from events is a cause of trauma. Emotional abuse (without physical abuse) absolutely can cause ptsd, probably cptsd.
I have observed often people posting threads and then those threads turning into discussions of what is and isn't a cause for ptsd. I remember threads where people are describing nasty break ups and then saying they have "ptsd" and of course that is ridiculous.
But, in the case of narcissistic abuse, ptsd absolutely can be a possibility. Psychological abuse can feel as though your very life is threatened and you have no control and there is no escape, even if you were never actually physically harmed. Op says there was a smear campaign against her and that she was manipulated into having sex. We do not know the whole story as to how abusive these acts were, but being manipulated into sex by a spouse who is in the mean time spreading lies and rumours absolutely can be enough to overwhelm the brain's ability to cope.
Again, we do not know the whole story and even the term 'narcissism' gets over used/misused, but the OP was looking for help and support.
I would say, OP absolutely your reactions of anxiety upon seeing your ex-spouse are completely valid. I am guessing that there is shit that he did to you that was so insidious and subtle that you are not even aware of half the abuse because he may have blamed you for his abuse so he could play the victim. Look into NPD, you will find a lot of support and resources out there.

 

[Justmehere]

PTSD had been brought up a few times in therapy very briefly, basically my therapist said it was very possible I had it but that was as far as we got. I will see her this week and I think its something we will have to work on now.

Has anyone here ever dealt with PTSD from an emotionally abusive relationship? If so, do you have any advice to offer?

1.) Become an expert in grounding, mindfulness, and emotion regulation skills. Do them every day many times day, even when you are not strugglin, as this will help the skills to become more effective when one is struggling.

2.) Share as much as you can with your therapist about symptoms and history. Ask questions and keep educating yourself.

3.) If you have PTSD or cPTSD, look into DBT therapy or workbooks. Even without PTSD, I think it could help a lot with the emotional dysregulation and reactivity that you are suffering from now, which is the main symptom you describe.

4.) Avoid benzos like Xanax. I suggest using at least 10 grounding or coping skills before taking any benzos. The Xanax will eventually lose some or all of its effectiveness. All benzos come with huge risks of addiction and are not good on-going treatment for PTSD or cPTSD. I know far more people with PTSD whoes recovery have been delayed or hampered with benzos than have been helped by them. Benzos also increase cancer and Alzheimer's so they really should be an option of last resort for PTSD sufferers when all else has failed. PTSD sufferers should not "pop" an Xanax at the first sign of anxiety. Learning to feel the emotions and work through them is the path towards healing.

5.) Learn more about NPD and what survivors of NPD relationships deal with. It's not always PTSD. In fact, only a small minority of people who endure criterion A trauma develop the specific condition of PTSD, and an even smaller number develop cPTSD.

6.) Don't jump to self diagnosis of PTSD or a hasty diagnosis of PTSD as a way to validate your suffering or validate another's bad behavior.

Based on what you describe in your posts so faraboit your symptoms, and what you described your therapists says, it would be premature to issue a diagnosis of PTSD unless there is other things going on that you did not describe here (which could be very possible.)

The description of your symptoms do not match specifically with major life long mental illness PTSD or cPTSD but it that of many mental health conditions that could be stirred up by an emotionally abusive relationship. Let the therapist figure it out.

You mention your therapist only suggested PTSD as a possibility, and you jumped to stating here you have cPTSD. You may not know this yet, and that's ok, but cPTSD is not PTSD that's just really bad. It's a whole extr set of symptoms. Some therapists consider cPTSD to be PTSD plus a personality disorder or DID. These conditions come with massive amounts of stigma even within the mental health care profession. No one here is trying to harm you by cautioning you on self diagnosis or hasty diagnosis. Everyone is trying to help.

PTSD isn't a badge of honor that what anyone went through was "bad enough" to be worthy of help and support now. You legitimately went through hell from what he did and need help now. Period.

7.) Keep talking to your therapist, and invest yourself fully in skills development. If you do have PTSD, especially cPTSD, you will need a lot of emotion regulation skills and other good solid coping skills on hand that are well practiced and used before diving into any trauma work. If/when you do trauma work, if you have PTSD, expect symptoms to get considerably worse for a season. Don't give up on therapy and recovery during this time. It's hellish but worth it. Continue forward, as it will likely get better.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am sorry to say this, but no, you can't develop PTSD from a relationship.

Domestic violence?

My ex and I live in the same small-ish town. I always knew running into him was possible but the thought never bothered me, I figured if it happened I would just ignore him.

This is cue 1 that the earlier event did not result in PTSD. If you have PTSD, which can be managed but is indeed lifelong, and if that relationship was the cause of the PTSD, then the thought of running into your abuser/perp would absoultely bother you. I refuse to go back to the town my trauma happened in and just a google earth "trip' down the road in my therapist's office sent up the back of the couch and damn literally trying to climb the walls and he had already closed the laptop. I have had many of invites for various family functions in that town and turned down each one and when my father announced he was moving back there I looked to him and told him I would never visit him because it was that town.

I assure you that if he caused trauma you would have some sort of bothered thought. I am not saying it has to be that reaction. Everyone's reactions and thoughts and level of bothered are much different. But, that is my first "whoa, wait a minute" in the post.

I started having a panic attack,

You don't have to have PTSD to have anxiety and panic attacks (which are two different things). There are MANY disorders that have that as a symptom set. MANY disorders have cross over symptoms with PTSD. PTSD has a very specific requirement known as Criterion A (anthony wanted us to link an article from here but I couldn't find it not could I find the post where he linked the artcle so my appologies):

Criterion A (one required): The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):

• Direct exposure
• Witnessing the trauma
• Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma
• Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)

PTSD and DSM-5 - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

PTSD had been brought up a few times in therapy very briefly, basically my therapist said it was very possible I had it but that was as far as we got. I will see her this week and I think its something we will have to work on now.

Another red flag. I agree that a qualified professional needs to be the one to make an actual diagnosis. A mention and rarely brought up does not sound like something you struggle with. And it doesn't sound like a typical diagnosis. Therapists (or "therapists") throw the term around hap hazardly like it answers all questions these days it seems. It does not. It is specific with specific required trauma types. I am not one that says (often anyway) that someone does not have PTSD but it honestly sounds like another disorder or just anxiety/panic alone. It is really not an answer to all suffering as many like to think. It would be tradic if you were treating one disorder that wasn't the issue when a different treatment could help better and help faster. It's possible. You can be suffering horribily and still not have PTSD. And not having PTSD is a good thing! It's lifelong. Some other disorders with cross over symptoms aren't!

No one is invaildating your suffering. But horrible suffering does not always equate to PTSD.

Here' a good article that I did find while looking for the other one: Link Removed

 

[Scarlet13]

I think some of your red flags for the presence of PTSD may not be true for everyone. For example, the point you make about leaving a town or being scared to run into your abuser is certainly true, but for me (and many other people) this was not the case.
I longed to get out of my child hood home, yet I kept going back there. I lived there after college. There wasn't a single christmas that I did not have a way from my stepfather until I final went nc. It took me having a nervous break down from pregnancy and no sleep to begin to see that I was even abused. I did not even have many PTSD symptoms (though I did get that diagnosed). Now my CPTSD symptoms are through the roof. My point is that avoiding or not avoiding does not necc prove PTSD.
I think it is important to get the correct diagnosis, though. The thing I am sensing here is that OP may have child hood trauma. Sometimes issues in child hood can lead a person into a narcissistic relationship.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think some of your red flags for the presence of PTSD may not be true for everyone. For example, the point you make about leaving a town or being scared to run into your abuser is certainly true, but for me (and many other people) this was not the case.

You missed what I did say:

I assure you that if he caused trauma you would have some sort of bothered thought. I am not saying it has to be that reaction. Everyone's reactions and thoughts and level of bothered are much different.

It took me having a nervous break down from pregnancy and no sleep to begin to see that I was even abused.

Denial. Had 10 yrs of denial myself and inside of those 10 yrs, I was not as afraid of the town, in most instances I did not have memory to be bothered over. But not being bothered at all was my first "wait a minute" but it was not the only points I made.

I also did not state at all that they did not have PTSD. I am not qualified to say that. But I would absolutely question that diagnosis! If more is learned about the trauma and reactions and they are diagnosis by a qualified specialist and they have geunine symptoms then ok. But I really wish people would stop fighting to have a lifelong uncureable mental illness. It is SUPER POSSIBLE to be something else entirely. People seem to have a block up and think that suffering equates to PTSD and that is so not true.

 

[Jill32]

You are absolutely invalidating my experience. You need to educate yourself on c-PTSD. I no longe...

I am so sorry for what the above member said. It appears as they are not educated in how PTSD actually works, or how to speak to a human being going through any sort of emotional reaction. Regardless of if you have it or not the above comment was completely uncalled for and horrible. I am sorry for what you are going through with your reactions. I understand how frustrating and horrible it is to have your mind and body got through these reactions and not really understanding why and not being able to control it. Please don't listen to what they said. I really wish they hadn't said anything. Again, just horrible. Every emotion you feel is completely justified simply because it is how you feel and you have every right to feel that way. I hope your work with your therapist helps you and I hope you give this site another try and that people like this don't comment any more.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Every emotion you feel is completely justified simply because it is how you feel and you have every right to feel that way.

Absoultly agreed with that. It still does not make it PTSD. I am not saying that they aren't suffering horribly. I am saying horrible suffering does not always equate to PTSD. If you were refering to my post (since you did not specify) I will say that I am very educated in PTSD and the ICD update of CPTSD as is everyone else that commented. I am sorry that you find telling someone the truth is some how "horrible". I find it nice and refreshing to be educated and would be highly thrilled if I was told I may not have a lifelong uncureable mental illness! There was zero malicious intent on my part but actually trying to help someone.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Personally, I think ongoing abuse from a narcissist is in completely harmful and traumatic

Has this person been diagnosed by a professional?

 

[EveHarrington]

I am so sorry for what the above member said. It appears as they are not educated in how PTSD actually w...

Yeah, but Joey knows her shit. She wouldn't be admin if she didn't. Just sayin.

 

[Deleted member 44574]

I sincerely apologize that I took that the wrong way. My ex launched a full-blown smear campaign...

Same thing that I've been thru...a narc...then I fell for a sociopath...I have 1 young daughter with each of them....2.5 yrs old and 7 months old...the woman I once was was essentially murdered by them...they were so different yet the same evil...both of them were named NATE or NATHAN...which rhymes with SATAN...I don't know who I am anymore