PTSD Has Taken Over and Destroyed My Life

[nml]

Hi 3yrs! Welcome to the forum. I was abused as a child. My mtoher being the main physical mental abuser. So I can relate to the mother relationship and the sleeping a lot. Im not sleeping alot now actually but I was. I go in phases depending on what issue I am dealing with. I usually after attempting to sleep away the pain, I will eventually process with assistance of course when I get tired of sleeping. The weight of the pain is exhausting. I was sent to my room as a child after being abused or abused in my own room. I was only allowed to lay on the bed and would cry myself to sleep. So that is how I learn to cope....sleep. Ive come to understand my mothers lashing out at me had nothing to do with me personally. She is an emotionally sick little girl on the inside and it is sad she may never be content in her own skin. I cant help her.....I have stopped the blame came and am becoming responsible for my own recovery. Even though I still get angry with her and I dont have heri n my world, I pray for her and my father who is also abusive in a manipulating way. Both of them, should they do something nice, they do have alterior motives even if it is just to boost thier ego. I have nothing to do with my father and the communication with my mother is extremely limited. She is dangerous for me and sets me back everythime I attempt to tlak with her even if its about the weather......so today, I will take care of my well being. I also realized just because I have biological family, doesnt mean they have to be in my life....I dont know where I got the notion they had to be. And there has been a grieving process in that too. I find the less I have my mother in my life, the better I feel about myself and I dont act out a pattern I have which is detrimental to myself.

I have not only come across this forum, I have a support group who is truly a family wherein we are a family within a family.

Im having a good day today. Ive made the decision to have a good day. Here in VA are having beautiful weather and I plan on taking advantage of it. I have lots to do before I leave on a trip in 10 days to be with my family support group. I am excited....a whole week with these nuts who love me just as I am.

Keep coming back 3yrs!

Nancy

 

[kimG]

nml & 3,

You are both in good company around here; many of us were abused by the people who were supposed to be our protectors - our mothers. Sucks, doesn't it? However, we are survivors!

My mother is no longer around, as she died in 1992. Sick as it sounds, it was the happiest day of my life (and the most liberating). She and I never had a good relationship and the last 5 months of her life we didn't speak to or see each other. I had to break off the relationship for my own mental well-being. It was so hard, but it was such an important thing for me to do. Now, though, I not only get mad at her for what she did but also for her dying because she took away my opportunity to confront her. <sigh> Oh well. Life goes on. Life's a bitch and then she dies...literally.

My therapist put a new light on her a few weeks ago. After listening to me talk about her, he asked me if she had a thing about other women, being threatened by them. This was an angle that had never crossed my mind, but it made so much sense (I wrote about it in a previous post if you want to read it).

And Nancy, I think it's great that you have such a wonderful support group to do things with. Truth be told, this place is probably the best support group around!

 

[cdunny]

Heya 3yrs. Welcome to the forum. You and I have plenty in common. Although it is heartbreaking and upsets me to hear situations like that, it was kind of relieving to hear your story. I am 22 and had a similar situation happen to me. I always blamed myself cause I didnt recognize the guy was bad news. I was married too and was just trying to be nice and help my career along while my hubby was in Iraq. Its funny how sometimes we can go from completely clueless (in which I mean not paying attention to potential dangers) to parnoid and untrusting. I think it has to do a lot with our age. When something happens when your young and you think your invincible and your so nice that no one would want to hurt you and then it does... its a devestating blow. The next thing you know, your questioning every decision youve ever made or will make. You start questioning the person you were, are, and want to be. Before you know it, you go from being an independent and Vibrant Leader among your peers, to an angry, confused, reserved and scared little girl. And as young females the last thing we want to do is have our picture plastered all over the 6 oclock news embarassing our family name. And then there is the fear of sitting on a witness stand having some defense attorney tear into every intimate detail of your past in the hopes of convincing a jury that you asked for it or in some way caused what happened, or lied about it. I personally hope you press charges against the SOB. Maybe it will give me the strength to press charges too. Anyway. Good for you for seaking help. I hope you find what you are looking for hear. You are among friends.:cool: