General PTSD & Having Children???

[blue_eyed_angel]

:hello:Void

When a man does not give you a straight answer he is definitely unsure and/or afraid. I would suggest that he ought to discuss this issue in depth with his T before making any choices.

I think that he should discuss this with her also. I am not sure as to what all he discusses with her. I don't pry into what he tells her. I only know what he tells me he discusses with her. Which is completely fine. But I would like to know what his thoughts and stuff are. And I guess that I need to take a hard look at my life and what I want for it. Because if I want kids and want to get married and he don't then I don't know where our relationship will end up. You know??

Though many disagree with me, I KNOW that I could not handle the strain of being a parent and that my illnesses would negatively impact them in spite of my best efforts. Children with a parent that has a psychiatric illness(es) will know and they will be impacted. When a depressed parent withdraws from a child the child WILL take it the wrong way(that's just the way they are).

I think that this is what he is afraid of also. He has good days but more bad than good. I sometimes take things the wrong way and then I have to remind myself that ok this is his illness. And you're right a child will not know to separate the two.

Thank You for your input... :Hug_emoticon:

 

[void]

:smile:You're welcome:smile:
:Hug_emoticon:Void

 

[LuckyStar]

Not giving you a straight forward answer is an answer itself. He needs to find his answer and discussing hopefully will get him there.
And just a quick thought: at 36 there is many years left to come to his decision. Don't let time be a deadline, let it be opportunity and growth.

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

LuckyStar:

I know what you are saying. I know that he has had a hard time adjusting to the thought that he is now a "civilian". This I think is harder for him to take than anything. He absolutely lived and breathed the military. That was what he felt his purpose in life was supposed to be, until he got hurt. If it was his choice he would go back tomorrow. He has discussed this with me, his T, and VA Rep. His T is the only one that is not real sure that he needs to. But I guess that she knows more about him than I do. I have been with him for 4 months and she has been his T for over 2yrs. I am in no way pressuring him into having kids. As a matter of fact far from it. I was engaged for 3 1/2yrs prior to being with him and I never was on any form of birth control with my ex-fiance. (Which I know was dumb on my part!!!!) But as soon as I started dating my b/f & the first time we were intimate he did not use protection. So I went and got on the pill. Which I know is the only responsible thing to do. So I have enough respect for him to take that responsibility.

Thanks for your input..

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

UPDATE: A little unsure & heartbroken :(

I will start off my saying that my b/f made a comment to me last night that really got me to thinking!!! I made a comment something about a baby.. and he says well not everyone wants to have children. So I said, well what do you mean exactly.. He said well I don't want kids. He said well I do, but I don't. This comment means that I need to take a "REAL HARD LOOK!!!" :think: at our relationship and where it will end up going. I absolutely am head over heels in love with this guy :wink: !!!!! And to hear that kinda breaks my heart. I am not sure at this point if I know where our relationship is going.. :dontknow: And this sucks!!! Because I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him!! But I am just not sure if his illness will be the ultimate thing that causes me to lose him.. I definitely don't want it to be!!!!

 

[cyndi]

I'll share with you MY persceptive from someone with complex PTSD: I love kids, always wanted to be a Mom with all the fabric of my being. I'm now 34, no kids and pretty much decided against it even though my heart (and ticking hormones) say differently. I've seen this thread every time I logged on here, decided to dive into it tonight. It's a sore spot for me. I do not see that I am emotionally healthy enough to do it. My childhood was awful for the most part and I don't want to risk doing that to a child. It will trigger me like crazy and I know as a cat owner I'd be so freaking overprotective with a child, they'd never be able to grow. It breaks my heart. It brings up new layers of anger at my original abusers for doing this to my life. I'm speaking very calmly now about it here, but let me assure you, my emotions are flipping out inside right now about it. I've been robbed of so much and now this too. I'm working on finding peace with it, as I've seen all my friends have babies and it is tearing me up.

It takes a while for another to get through the layers of walls built up that I share of why I don't want kids. It's not the truth, I do want them, just feel it would not be the right thing to do to a child. It hurts to admit that layer.

 

[LuckyStar]

Patience is a not only a virtue it is required in all relationships. Now is when you need to have patience for him and for you. Take the time first to get answers to your doubts before adding ingredients like children into the mix. Just be for a while. It won't be easy, but any thing worth keeping isn't easy. Unless its a winning lottery ticket!

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Patience is a not only a virtue it is required in all relationships. Now is when you need to have patience for him and for you. Take the time first to get answers to your doubts before adding ingredients like children into the mix.

Oh, I definitely have patience!!! There are extremely stressful days to where I wonder whether or not we will ever make it!! But I know in my heart that we do love each other and we get through it. I also know that if you love someone then it shouldn't matter whether or not you have kids. Having kids shouldn't define who we are as people and who we are as a couple.

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

I do not see that I am emotionally healthy enough to do it. It takes a while for another to get through the layers of walls built up that I share of why I don't want kids. It's not the truth, I do want them, just feel it would not be the right thing to do to a child.

I think that my boyfriend is an absolutely amazing person even though he has PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and a TBI. I often wonder whether or not he would be able to handle the stress of a child or not. He feels the same way that you do about it wouldn't be fair to a child. Because I know that when he shuts down then it is due to his illness and a child wouldn't know the difference.


But to you my heart definitely goes out to you. And thank you for sharing your story and thoughts with me. I greatly appreciate them!!

 

[Vickym]

In my opinion I guess it depends on his ptsd and what things make it worse. When i ment my bf he wanted to down the road have a common child. I have 2 and he has 2. I guess over the months my opinion has changed Im not sure it would be best. There are days that he is so down. And I now know that the sound of a baby crying my trigger some un wanted memories for him. Im not saying that it isnt possible it all depends on why he has ptsd.

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Im not saying that it isnt possible it all depends on why he has ptsd.

My b/f's PTSD is combat related. He is ex-military.

 

[Vickym]

My bf served 2 tour in Iraq. I will tell you this about our situation he loves kids between the 2 of us we have 4. At one point we were thinking that we should have a child together when the time was right. Then there are a few things that have happend to make be in limbo. He obviously shuts me out from time to time and being hormonal during pregnancy im not sure how I would handle it. Then he got a puppy yeah they are responsibilty and at first he was great with him but then when he was depressed over the winter well the kids and I took over a lot that responsibility. His son is 5 and needs attention like any normal 5 year old there have been lots of time when my bf just couldnt move from his chair to spend the time he was looking for. Trust me I am not complaining I love his son like he was one of mine. The thing is kids are kids and whether they are playing running crying whatever it my be this is a trigger for my bf. Thats why I suggest you talk to a doctor because I just recently found out that it brings my bf back to Iraq. It is awful it brings him back to the kids screaming and crying and he thinks of death. A little girl died in his arms he couldnt save her. :( If kids are not a trigger for your guy then it might be ok.