SaladBagle
New Here
I'm very new here but I need a little advice. A lot of it preferably. What I need to know is am I dealing with someone reacting to PTSD or just being stubborn.
I have been married to my husband for about a year now and while things are good for the most part as always there is troubled waters. He is in the army, has been deployed in the past and states that he probably has PTSD. He doesn't have trouble with loud sounds or that sort of thing but he does have tendency lash out but for the most part not as bad most would think. He rants at traffic because they turn too slow, the computer is too slow or wont work, when typical things go wrong and overall I'd say that when something annoys him or irritates him he has a hard time saying it nicely. He doesn't normally throw things or act like he is going to attack people. Mostly it's verbal rants and a while later he is calm.
The main trouble between us usually comes when he makes me angry. Normally I am not an angry person but like anyone I can be pushed over the brink. These fights usually go something like this; He's doing or saying something that over and over that really annoys me or makes me uncomfortable. I can tell him this and I can tell him again and again but if anything I might a lull for a short time but then he's right back to it again. It's only when I get mad and refuse to do things like make him something to eat on the easy side to getting angry and snapping back that he even seems to take notice. There is no simply asking or telling him something for the most part, it always has to come to a head. When they do he is often mad at me for getting angry.
Best example I can give you is when we had three skittish parakeets. I was trying to tame them and get them to trust people and was having some success. My Husband has no patience and would chase them around the cadge, grab them, force them to come out of the cage and while he did not physically hurt them he was terrifying them. The birds probably had PTSD after being around him and soon hated people. They quickly turned to biting. I would ask my husband over and over to please stop that. I did so over and over. Sometimes he would agree but that lasted about a day. He knew that this was upsetting me and I tried for quite some time asking over and over. He began to simply blow me off every time. As you can imagine I got mad and stopped talking to him. When he asked me about what was wrong I asked him how would he feel if he kept asking me to not do something over and over and I just kept blowing him off. I did not yell but being so angry my voice wasn't even. He blew up on me and that became one huge argument.
The biggest part of it though was that over and over in that rant (just as it occurred following arguments) was the admission that he would not stand for that treatment himself. I would ask him, "If something was important to you and I ignored your every request for me to stop and even blow you off would you be angry?" His answer, "Yes but-" Other arguments when I asked him if I was doing this to him would he stand for it. His answer, "No, but-" and he would just repeat that I shouldn't be angry.
Tonight we just got into argument, he yelled at me because he thought that I had lost part of his uniform. I was upset and went back to the computer to do homework. He found out a few minutes later that lo and behold, I was upset. He got angry at me because (in short) he wasn't feeling angry over his uniform anymore so therefor I shouldn't be angry about him yelling at me. Seriously? He can't seem to understand that not everyone is some tough drill sergeant that can take anything. He can't seem to understand that words hurt, especially when they come from a spouse and most of all is the double standard. It's ok for him and not for me. If I do something to him he has a right to be angry, if he does the same thing to me, I don't.
Sorry for it being so long but I want to know. Does this have more to do with PTSD or the fact that he can't understand someone else's view? Or perhaps he can't understand someone who is not military personal? I'd really like to understand more because these are two very different issues and need two different approaches.
I have been married to my husband for about a year now and while things are good for the most part as always there is troubled waters. He is in the army, has been deployed in the past and states that he probably has PTSD. He doesn't have trouble with loud sounds or that sort of thing but he does have tendency lash out but for the most part not as bad most would think. He rants at traffic because they turn too slow, the computer is too slow or wont work, when typical things go wrong and overall I'd say that when something annoys him or irritates him he has a hard time saying it nicely. He doesn't normally throw things or act like he is going to attack people. Mostly it's verbal rants and a while later he is calm.
The main trouble between us usually comes when he makes me angry. Normally I am not an angry person but like anyone I can be pushed over the brink. These fights usually go something like this; He's doing or saying something that over and over that really annoys me or makes me uncomfortable. I can tell him this and I can tell him again and again but if anything I might a lull for a short time but then he's right back to it again. It's only when I get mad and refuse to do things like make him something to eat on the easy side to getting angry and snapping back that he even seems to take notice. There is no simply asking or telling him something for the most part, it always has to come to a head. When they do he is often mad at me for getting angry.
Best example I can give you is when we had three skittish parakeets. I was trying to tame them and get them to trust people and was having some success. My Husband has no patience and would chase them around the cadge, grab them, force them to come out of the cage and while he did not physically hurt them he was terrifying them. The birds probably had PTSD after being around him and soon hated people. They quickly turned to biting. I would ask my husband over and over to please stop that. I did so over and over. Sometimes he would agree but that lasted about a day. He knew that this was upsetting me and I tried for quite some time asking over and over. He began to simply blow me off every time. As you can imagine I got mad and stopped talking to him. When he asked me about what was wrong I asked him how would he feel if he kept asking me to not do something over and over and I just kept blowing him off. I did not yell but being so angry my voice wasn't even. He blew up on me and that became one huge argument.
The biggest part of it though was that over and over in that rant (just as it occurred following arguments) was the admission that he would not stand for that treatment himself. I would ask him, "If something was important to you and I ignored your every request for me to stop and even blow you off would you be angry?" His answer, "Yes but-" Other arguments when I asked him if I was doing this to him would he stand for it. His answer, "No, but-" and he would just repeat that I shouldn't be angry.
Tonight we just got into argument, he yelled at me because he thought that I had lost part of his uniform. I was upset and went back to the computer to do homework. He found out a few minutes later that lo and behold, I was upset. He got angry at me because (in short) he wasn't feeling angry over his uniform anymore so therefor I shouldn't be angry about him yelling at me. Seriously? He can't seem to understand that not everyone is some tough drill sergeant that can take anything. He can't seem to understand that words hurt, especially when they come from a spouse and most of all is the double standard. It's ok for him and not for me. If I do something to him he has a right to be angry, if he does the same thing to me, I don't.
Sorry for it being so long but I want to know. Does this have more to do with PTSD or the fact that he can't understand someone else's view? Or perhaps he can't understand someone who is not military personal? I'd really like to understand more because these are two very different issues and need two different approaches.
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