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Ptsd poetry anyone?

Thank you! You have brought on the tears. I know I can make it past these fears. One day at a time. Hour by hour. I will make it blossom like a beautiful sunflower!
Even minute by minute, if you need.
I know you can make it past those fears, too.

The sunflowers in my garden have just started to bloom.
Bright, bold, beautiful.
Sunflowers know that even though the wind may howl, and the rain may pour, they are strong enough to weather any storm.
When you look at a sunflower seed, you could never imagine at the brilliance that it will become.

If we look at ourselves at a point in time and aren't happy with what we see, we must know that that point in time does not reflect our future.
Time... care... a commitment to growing strong in body and mind, and the sunflower begins to bloom ?
 
Hopeless

Shackled to meat slabs I drag. I wring my hands in agony. Carrying my cross. The blue sky is wound bled dry. I'm a retired hooker. Your smile is piano ivory - Tom and Jerry. Slapstick violence - dead canary. I worked this mine of scar tissue. Every sentence is accompanied by laugh tracks. I am standing near a void I can't describe. I'm made of ground beef sniveling prayers. When you hit me I sound like a snare. Toolbox f*ck. I'm completely hopeless. My screams are dry moans. Throat is ruptured. Sleep is restless. Let me die, O Lord. Let me die.
I cannot sing. My laugh is forced. My eyes are empty. I'm tired. I don't want your pity. Rip these hooks out of my mouth. Close this book forever.
 
Catharsis

I finally took three weeks worth of garbage out. Every dish I wash is a rung I climb. You are a monster I escaped long ago and you can't kill me no matter how hard you try. Even if I crawl the rest of this trail - may the trail of blood I leave behind be a pathway that leads others out.
You don't find God in a church because you are church, in all your scars and humaness. I was painted just as I should be and I'm no longer bleeding. The skin has healed around old bullets. They can't be removed. I have to live with them inside of me forever. I'm a whore Jesus would've talked to.
I can't give you anymore of me right now. There's a part of me that's shredded and a mystery - still baying in pain.
Every beer I drink is a little thorn that pricks me. I walk backwards. I'm afraid of healing and confronting this for the final time. Will I waste my life just getting by and avoiding ancient pain? I have to close this casket and let it be.
The mornings are still peaceful and the sun is still warm. I've aged but I don't cry nearly as much as I did as a young woman. I'm an untouchable that Jesus would've talked to.
 
The Tower

The sun rises and sets on this old gris gris bag of flesh. A bouquet of Calla lillies and baby's breath symbolizes my obsession with your death. I romanticize you more than a Victorian could as if your pallid broken frame was nailed to wood. Suicide is an ugly mask you wear forever. You did a terrible thing to you - a million knots that you can never undo. My life is a flowing river filled with your debris. You did a terrible thing to me.
I cradle my heart like a baby bird and I let it cry out in hunger and in hurt. I'm so sorry you never knew your worth. You stood raped and vanquished in the rain. What a waste. What a waste.
 
Rape

Smell of biohazard waste, nine of swords. You're a skinwalker with an extension cord. Screech out my name in a backwards hollow tone. You submerge me into an ocean of grey TV static - like "War" by Picasso but rainbow, bleeding, and manic. Sirens go off in the space between sleep and death. I'm going in now. I'm not good at holding my breath.
I'm cooking now spattering grease. The steam coils upwards and wafts up through my teeth. Leathery, charred roast beef skin - consume me, shit me out, and devour me again.
Phantom of the opera, agoraphobic, in bandages and stints. Forever tethered like a slaughtered pig roasting on a spit. Impaled, still writhing, waiting for the end. Envisioning my rotting corpse, maggots glimmer in technicolor hues. There's nothing I can do. I pulled the shortest straw, boys. Oh no. Oh no. Sometimes things are like pulling teeth you know. Looks like I get to be the offering this time around. Looks like I get to be duct tape face robot barbie doll.
 
Rage against the machine, losers.
Rusty thorns, invisible tethers forever tied
To my abusers.
The same ones who laughed as I cried.
Welts from the thorns, pressing into my head.
My body, stuck on the freezing concrete floor.
I gasp in pain as my body shudders.
You will no longer receive any part of me.
Karma and justice may find their way
Into your pitiful existence.
Twisting, turning with the speed of a train.
May you feel guilt as thick and heavy as concrete.
 
The most beautiful roses take the longest to grow.
My screams are no longer silent,
Their echoes can be heard around our lake.
God left me forever,
Countless prayers went unanswered.
I am finally blooming, sweet scent in the air, enjoying the warmth of the sun.
 
We Are a Tapestry

We are a tapestry,
made of a strong, heavy cloth,
woven over a lifetime.
Intertwining threads from the past,
and threads from just yesterday,
this tapis tells our life.
As time passes, it changes,
our perceptions alter with new experiences,
the tapis, is an accounting of our life-----

This tapestry we unknowingly create,
woven so intricately,
is constantly reshaping it’s design.
Some impressions and images,
clearly remind us of stories past,
fun-filled memories of friendships and joy.
Others pictures depict times in our history-
times that were dark and jumbled,
with faded scenes of memories, some totally unrecognizable.

It is those faded scenes,
we strain to recall,
needing to know, to be sure.
Cleverly, our mind fills in the gaps,
with what makes sense,
but our history is then more distorted.
As we consider our tapestry,
and it’s missing parts of scenes,
we may be perceiving only illusions of the past.

But our tapestry is us,
it is our story, telling how we came into being,
containing our feelings, memories, failures, and successes.
The past is not our whole, or our sum total, and does not dictate,
the final tapis of our life.
We can be proud of our tapestry, if we choose to weave it differently.
Whatever tragedy has befallen us,
we must remember that we alone are the change-agent for our own tapestry,
and able to weave a new tapestry, more vibrant-one we can view with pride.
 
Hopeless

I'm tired of walking through the maze of my haunted house. I take pills for this but soon I'll run out. Every void I fist never bleeds. I stand next to you in your pillory.
A great, black smoke fills the sky. All of the creatures in the woodland choke and die. I'm standing at the edge of forever and feel ill. I'm about to close my eyes and ride my casket down the hill. If I cry you a river will you sail away? Better yet, I hope you get swept up and drown in the bay.
I am in a graveyard of self-help and substance. Nothing's gonna move me. I am in a graveyard of doctors and jesters.Nothing's gonna move me. I am in a graveyard of dead words and dead ends. Nothing's gonna move me...
 
Death

The foul stink of old lunch meat and despair from this rotting vessel that contains me. I fracture like stained glass rupturing organs. - a rainbow shrapnel splattering upward as I free myself from this prison.
Death is my true love and he waits for me in velvet robes of burgundy. His onyx wings darken the horizon - contrasting to his fields of sunflowers and ladybugs.
My bed is a casket, well, as much as it can be. I can only sleep so much. My hands and heart are cold to the touch. I'm always tired anyway and tired of trying.
Lovecraftian dreamlands are waiting for me far away in Christ consciousness. In otherworldly neon colors my spirit becomes static and dissipates into the night sky.
 

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