My thoughts are (and these are just my initial thoughts - bearing in mind I'm no therapist nor expert in PTSD, just been to 12+ counsellors in my time);
1) You sound like you have lost trust in your therapist. This is hard to get back. At the very least you might be advised to talk to her and ask her what happened - she might have a valid reason, you might be calmed by her response and you might be able to put it behind you. If you choose to stay, you will probably have to be prepared to ask in order to move on from this. I think you should ask abut another referral, ask her again, see what happens. It's not a one time deal, she messed up, she can put in another referral. Ask her to, see what she says.
2) It might well be a misunderstanding or confusion - she might have thought she put through the referral but it didn't go through as she thought, she could have referred someone else who also needed meds and when you asked, got the both of you muddled up, she might have made a promise she had every intention of keeping but then something happened and she couldn't. Therapists at the end of the day ARE human. Yes they should be professional at all times, but they will mess up occasionally and the longer you're with them, the more likely you will see them mess up. She probably did not set out to deceive you. Like any friend who messes up, sometimes we need to forgive our therapists for their humanity. If once you've talked to her you think she did deliberately set out to deceive you or she is unapologetic and won't do a second referral then yes, move on. You won't get back the trust in that scenario.
3) Complex emotions (like PTSD) can cause us to see threats and mistrust people that don't deserve it. I don't know you, but for myself... I am constantly worried my therapist dislikes me. I read FAR too much into every facet of her body language. I am permanently insecure with my friends and husband and I blow up at the slightest thing. For example; recently a friend told me she was leaving our church. My instant reaction was one of abandonment by my "only" friend. I took it personally and was wondering if I'd done something or she was running away from me. When I sat and thought about it I realised how overly emotional I was being. She had dinner with us that Saturday and keeps in touch via text. No, I won't see her as much as I used to (3-4 times a week) and being upset about now never seeing her unless we specifically go out of our way is perfectly understandable. She is also NOT my "only" friend. She's just the one I choose to talk about my issues. I over-reacted because I am highly emotional and vulnerable right now and she caught me on a very bad day. I'm not trying to reduce your feelings of betrayal to an over-reaction, but just sit on it for a while and see how you feel when the anger is less. Don't act on the feelings immediately, you may come to regret those actions.
4) Like I said, I have been to 12+ counsellors. My therapist took one look at the list I gave her and said "ah, I understand your reluctance and anxiety about starting therapy now". She explained that even if we are the ones in control of ending a relationship, it still feels like we are being abandoned. The brain processes the termination of the relationship in the same way as if the therapist had called time on it. I would therefore ask you to sit for a while and think if ending this therapy is going to be more or less helpful to you. You seem to still be in need of real help. If you ended it and felt abandoned/betrayed, how easy would you find it to go to another counsellor? Would your anger from this therapist, translate into anger towards ALL therapists? You alone can answer this.
I am sorry you're going through this though, it is the last thing someone who is in emotional pain and turmoil needs. I hope you get it sorted out, you deserve the help of someone you really trust. Especially as you are going so far out of your way for it.
Stay strong, you will get there x
