Purple Heart Recipient

[Mercy]

sirsir, Remember that you were carefully and deliberately trained to react to snap when you are threatened. Military training can amplify the PTSD issues. Maybe,it would be useful to write out how you were trained and what skills that gave you. Maybe, it will help you assess when danger is a present thing or a past thing. It sounds like you are describing Hypervigilance which most of us survivors have a lot of. It is very brave of you to go into battle for your own life.

 

[sirsir]

Thank you Mercy
I had a good day. My staff keep me very busy however I did not lose my temper. I was ever able to control my tongue. I was able to tell fishing stories today instead of war stories. I believe the war stories get me more stirred up than I need to be at work. Peace for now.

 

[moog]

sirsir,

I've found over time that war stories, news about wars, war movies/tv shows, war type video games, even war related books are major triggers for any military veteran with PTSD. And surprisingly I know some that have PTSD from training related incidents, never saw combat and those same triggers affect them. I think that just as Anthony has stated, that our training plays more of a part in our symptoms than others with PTSD. I now try to avoid most triggers like that or limit my exposure and ensure if I am exposed to them, that it is earlier in the day; so it does not over take my thoughts and affect my sleep worse than it is.

It sounds like you have progressed very well in a short period of time. Soon enough, you will be like a new man again. :smile:

 

[Vickym]

Hi sirsir,

My bf suffers form ptsd and tbi he is also a purple heart recipient he was on his second tour in Iraq when a bomb went off by his hum v. Today is 100% disabled vet. And like you he didnt get help right away. He said he was scared to he also takes meds and doesnt want to but he knows it has helped him control his anger. You made the first step in the right direction you looked for help and that is the hardest step. Im not an expert but I have come to know a lot from living with him and researching so much. Try to get a strong support of people around you. For my bf its easier for him to talk to other vets and guys he was in Iraq than me cause like he always says I will never fully understand and he is right I wasnt there. My heart goes out to all of you!

 

[sirsir]

Thank you Vickym
Today I had to have a talk with my supervisor. I was laying the ground work for a promotion. He knows that I deserve it however the position does not exist at my current location therefore it looks as if I might be moving again. I wish I could stay because I just started treatment here. However I want the promotion and I guess I'll get use to the new psycologist. Sometimes the upper brass creates positions just to keep the good staff where they need them. Anyways today was a good day.

 

[sirsir]

:eek: Well I just woke up form a very strange dream. I dreamed that my supervisor just got a disiplinary transfer to GA,USA. Which is where I would like to go however if you follow someone on a disiplinary transfer it is a good way to end your career. :dontknow: I know a dream is a dream but wow this one seemed so real. Before I started taking this sleep med. I never remembered my dreams. I would wake up from them but would not recall most of the dream. This time I'm so awake I'm writing at 4am in the morning.:eek: During my dream tonight I was actually given the choice to go or stay from a guy I know from the region which is like the second person in charge of the entire agency. However when he asked the question it was more of go with your old boss and end your career or stay here and I'll let you keep working. :poke:I respect my current boss and yes he is a company man to the core. He has enough friends in the agency to call in many favors. Therefore the likelyhood of this happening to him is very slim. Again However the dream was so real.:doh: I do not have to go to work for another 3 hours but I'm up now.

 

[Vickym]

sirsir,

You have a tough choice to make i would talk to your doctor way the pro's and con's of moving. I know for my bf adjustment is very hard. As for your dream and this is my opinion only right or wrong I believe everything happens for a reason. maybe you had the dream because this is a new stress for you.

 

[Mercy]

sirsir, I'm not surprised that you react strongly to being grabbed or surprised by a touch, after all the military trained you very well how to defend yourself and others. I agree with you that in the beginning its seems harder to to deal with things than before starting treatment. I was opening old wounds too yet they seem so very fresh and painful when I remember them. Then comes dealing with them and the effects they have on my daily life. It is hard work but there really are rewards and a brighter future. I know you are brave. You will find your way through your pain in your own way and in your own time.

 

[UmightKnowMe]

I wouldnt worry too much about the dreams....your brain kinda goes round and round at night and tries to make sense of stuff that goes on all day long and it mixes other stuff in and what not. But we can't make major life decisions based on what we remember from our dreams. Yeah they can shake us up..I know about that. It is hard to shake the emotions left over from a bad night. Keep positive!!!

 

[sirsir]

Thank you UMightKnowMe and Mercy.

I had a long day at work. I had to fire one of my staff today and I was exhausted from a bad night sleep. The staff needed to be fired but it is never fun to fire anyone. Dreams are wild. i know they are not real but wow they are very vivid. I have heard that some people dream in black and white. I am lucky I get to dream in full blown color. Peace for now.

 

[sirsir]

Well I decided to take a mini vacation. I am going to take the family to some caverns that we have never seen. I am a big nature lover(not a tree hugger). Before comat I use to hunt now I just stick to fishing. I do not believe that hunting is wrong but it is not a good thing to put a gun in my hand and then start hearing guns go off. Side note: I have to qualify once a year with several different weapons. Oh what fun this is when gun fire makes you jump out of your skin and you have to play the tough guy in front of your staff. I actually have to go out the day before and fire a couple of hundred rounds by myself to numb myself for the next day so I will not jump.:think: Oh well back to the good news I get to go exploring today.
Last week when we went camping my wife saw 2 chipmonks behind me. So when she told me to turn around and look the sweetest 20 year old in a bikini crossed my line of sight. So to be polite I turned back around. My wife keep commenting on how cute the 2 chipmonks were. My 16 year old knew what I saw and about fell out laughing because his mother was yell look how cute they are look. :rolleyes:

 

[sirsir]

:hello: Well normally I would tell about my day here. However this forum sight has given me alot to think about. Normally I am very self centered and do not like talking to people unless needed. However this Forum has given me the chance to discuss topics that I have keep quiet for a while and with people that I would not talk to on the street(no offence). This is a good thing because it is given me a better prospective(more realistic) about other people. Please understand I am very thick skinned and unless I let someone in I can not be offended by your comments. However I do have a sharp tongue and a wierd pen. If I step out of line and offend please let me in on the secret so I can make it right. As most of us I carry many labels. Other people have tagged me. I would like to be known as peaceful. If you have read my other threads you know I am not there yet.:rolleyes: Peace for now.