Yup.. I am a sufferer and a supporter. Let him go his own way. He's acting like a 2 year old. It's not fair to you or the kids. This is hardly a responsible relationship
@MytimeHi BrokenHeat, I’m also a supporter. I’m more than happy to share my experience. It sounds like we have a lot in common. Having a good relationship with our hubby’s and then bam!!
It is very hard right now, you don’t know whether your coming or going. My husband went numb also and didn’t feel like he was still in love with me. That was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. He deflected everything on to me, I was his problem, I was his anxiety, anything negative he felt was because of me. He was angry all the time and it was because of me. Your in the beginning of him being sympathetic and if he has started therapy, it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. I know your feeling in limbo and you want answers and your life back. It seems at this moment he is unable to give you anything. He’s just trying to keep his head above water. My advice is, anything that has to do with your relationship needs to be on hold. He is unable to give you what you need right now. That’s why you hear so much on here about putting yourself and needs first. It’s about learning how to met your own needs, how to be happy within yourself and not rely on him. I completely understand how hard it is to go from being in a happy, strong, thriving marriage, to being rejected. I hurts like a b*tch. What helped us is putting our marriage on hold and living in our friendship. We sent a boundary, that there would be no relationship talk in our home and it helped lessen his anxiety when he did come home. As I started working on myself things got a little better for me. I was doing things with my kids, my friends and it helped taking some of my focus away of try to fix everything (because you can’t fix it, he has to do the work) I was always open with my kids if they asked any questions. I started setting boundaries and I found it not only helped me, It helped my husband. I wasn’t going to except his anger or deflection anymore. If he started losing his sh*t I made it very clear I was removing myself from it ( I learned this thanks to @Sweetpea76 ) by doing this my husband would have less guilt to carry, because he wasn’t able to lash out at me.
My husband was planning on moving out and we were separating and then moving forwards divorce. I had no choice but to let him go in order to save myself, because my kids needed me to be strong and happy. My husband was in therapy, I was in therapy. We started communicating through emails and that helped lessen the stress for him and it also helped give him time to respond and figure out his thought process, because it wasn’t the same as it use to be. I was the same as you, everything was left on me, the kids, the house, the animals ect. He had in his mind what the separation looked like and I had my own. Even though we were still living in our friendship I felt we needed help with communication as co-parenting so I asked him to go to counselling with me so we could co-parent our kids in a positive manner. As things started coming out and he had been in therapy for 7months at this point, he started coming out of this numbness. He realized that he did in fact still love me and the counselling turned from co-parenting to marriage counselling. He learned coping skills and his love and affection came back. It’s 5 years later and he’s still in therapy. But we are getting there, I still have boundaries and I 100% would not put up with bad behaviour. I understand your need to feel close to him, but I think you needed to ask yourself,” is us sleeping together the best thing for us” is the guilt he feels or the rejection you feel after benefiting the two of you? I know it’s hard right now and it scary but you can get through this. Sending hugs if you accept and support.
Wow thank you for letting me know. You are a wealth of information.I thought about my responses in your thread and I was on the verge of not being a supporter anymore. ( I had no idea) Today, was the day. I wish you the very best. It can be a long, hard road and can end up very rewarding. Five years was enough for me. I imagine we'll be friends but I'm incredibly tired of the the whole PTSD life. Good luck!
and @LuckiLee wins the Understatement of the Day trophy!And it ain't easy!