Poll Putting Other's Before Yourself

[Sandra]

I am so bad for putting other's before myself.

Do you do the same?

 

[lifeguard17]

Yes. Always. It's really bad but I can't help it, I can't stand the thought of someone being upset, so I'll protect them, and help them instead of myself. I should stop I know, but I can't. :(

 

[KP the nut]

I do think of others and I enjoy my volunteering. However I am becoming much better at saying no so that I don't become overwhelmed. Sometimes I need time just for me and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Kb3]

I can, and have put the wrong people's needs ahead of mine, and the reverse is true too in that people who have deserved more from me have been shortchanged. Changing the way I look at the world has changed who and how I prioritise.;)

Like KP I now charge my own batteries enough to be able to give of myself to the right people and not get burned out. I don't view this as selfish anymore, but necessary.

 

[sea]

No, I'm too self absorbed. :unsure:

 

[intothelight]

I definitely put others needs before my own, especially when it comes to my children. The thing is, they are almost all young adults now. Need to dump my guilt and realize they can fend for themselves and it is not my responsibility to try to ensure their happiness, especially when I am tapped out. Tough balancing act.

 

[MyStarryNight]

I agree intothelight, it's important to find a balance between taking care of ourselves and our own needs and tending to the needs of others. While I think its important to love others and do our best to care for them I also think that we hold primary responsibility for taking care of ourselves. I have unfortunately learned the hard way that I can quickly burn out when I focus solely on others needs and ignore my own.

 

[Srain]

I put "sometimes". This is confusing for me at the moment because I feel extremely protective of those I love but the "burn out" factor (as Mir mentioned) is a major issue now and can send me into a spiral taking those around me down as well. I am still working on balance.

I get the feeling I am much too selfish when I attempt balance yet without doing it is a HOT MESS.

 

[Anna]

Sometimes.

I used to always put others before myself. This caused no end of suffering and misery. I now can judge when it is needed and when not. You have to learn to love and care for yourself.

 

[Innordinate]

I used to not. But then I was learning how to and now I think I do it too much but wrong. So it backfires and is really just a more subtle way of putting myself first instead. Bad.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Yes, I want to please at all costs. I want to see someone else happy and I never want to offend. So I will hurt myself rather than hurt others.

Being strong and setting boundaries, feels very selfish. Selfish, is what I was accused of so many times, that it feels like the ultimate sin.

Plus there are times when I did put myself first, looked after myself, was accused of being selfish over and over because I cut myself off from my abusive family and then my sister killed herself. That is a the ultimate punishment, putting myself before others, led to her death.

The fact that I am told, that I did the right thing, does not overcome that selfish, wrong feeling and the feeling that, when I put myself first, I will be punished for it, someone else gets hurt.

That makes it very very hard to put yourself first.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I tend to put others first because I feel guilty for not giving them what they want. I really need to work on my guilt issues!