Puzzle pieces missing

[UnKnown-Self]

As I typed my thread's title, within I heard, "DUH!"

I was not referring to time, memory or any insight into whys.

I am referring to understanding how it all works, for me. Something out there I haven't read that would bring that ah-ha moment when my perception is changed with understanding. Of course there will be another puzzle piece waiting.

Can someone who lives with Parts, tell me what it's like for them? The day to day.
I have multiple parts weaving in and out throughout the day. Childlike, cynical, charming, outspoken then later groveling. I have no pause and it feels out of control. Did I mention the anger?

I am trying to understand. It's like they are all fighting for the mic. I don't know if it has always been this way. I think it was. What's changed is my awareness and acceptance. Now what?

Alice

 

[shimmerz]

I look at my parts with curiosity. I see them as frozen in time parts of myself. Some parts I like (okay, love) and other parts.... not so much.

I have taken time to take note of visual cues that a part is out (one turns her right foot inwards), and when I notice that I am in part physically, I acknowledge that.

Along with noticing the visual cues, I also have learned to see what soothes each of my parts. Maybe a warm blanket for one, a strawberry for another, etc.

So I guess the bottom line for me is that first comes acknowledgement, figuring out what triggers the part out and removing that trigger if possible, then learning what soothes (sitting in my car or drinking a large Timmie's coffee seem to be global soothers for me), and then putting into place the soothing that the part needs.

Rinse and repeat as necessary.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I feel like if I don't do something, I am going to spin out of control. The children are separate. Not that they don't come out. I can be my most endearingly charming when they do. They are no help when I really need to buckle down and focus. I love the children. Most of us do.
I saw visuals in my minds eye of what a couple children parts look like. And names, some have regular names like Alice, others like Rage and The Poet need no name.
Do I have to know all my parts? I have a feeling there's enough that one group is called The Assembly. Am I crazy? I don't think I'm dramatizing it for attention. I prefer not to discuss it.
Yet, while I have a terrible memory, I don't lose time, though time slips away from me.

I am so confused.

Alice

 

[shimmerz]

I am co-conscious. Not sure if you are or not? That may make a difference.

I never bothered to know all of their names. I don't think they have names actually. I know many forms of therapy want to name parts but that was never my thing. Too confusing and it freaked me out.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@shimmerz I feel curiosity as well. I wish I could tell them apart enough to know for sure who is who and what their triggers are.
That is real progress, you should be proud:hug:

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am absolutely co-conscious. Except for my developmental & informative years.

I just don't know why I say sharp, slightly mean things sometimes out of nowhere.

Alice

 

[shimmerz]

I am absolutely co-conscious.

So then, does your 'all knowing' part (which I consider to be the one not in control but narrates while the part is out), tell you at the time that you say things that are out of character 'wtf are you doing'? Or does that take some time and distance?

why I say sharp, slightly mean things sometimes out of nowhere.

And are these things appropriate for the occasion? I would notice trains of thought that aren't usual for me as well as a 'part'.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Both, sometimes I feel an inappropriate feeling and separate myself from the situation.
Other times it's simply verbal vomiting.
I think my parts consciousness depends on triggers. The triggers are not always bad. Bubbles will bring out a giggling kid every time. And it is a child, not me being childlike. I also see it when I am with my granddaughter. I am overwhelmed.

Alice