Relationship Question About Isolation

[Slw4789]

I am new to ptsd and am trying hard to understand everything that goes along with it. Right now my boyfriend(?) has moved out and wants to have no contact with me while he needs space, my question is what do other sufferers do when they isolate themselves? Where do they go? Do they move out almost completely, change their mailing address? Do they still see their friends and family but only isolate themselves from their supporter/significant other? I know the time that they need space differs but I just wondered to what extremes do they go to to isolate themselves?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

First:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-am-not-they.58283/

Second: every person is different when that person feels the need to isolate. Your boyfriend doesn't represent all of us with PTSD and therefore no one can predict or guess what he plans to do but him.

Third: Welcome to the forum!

 

[Renestel]

I am new to ptsd and am trying hard to understand everything that goes along with it. Right now my boyfr...

Hi Slw,
First off, welcome- your dog in the pic is absolutely adorable.
Second, so I'm assuming from your post that he is the sufferer and kind of just bailed. I am only one person and experience, as you will find from the feedback you get on here, every single persons experience is different, traumas are different, and the ways we try to rat race through our symptoms are different.
In my experience, I've isolated from everybody, not just my husband. I probably isolate less with my husband and more with my family and friends because it's so much easier to play like you're just busy and things are better than they are with people out of state. But for many, the most intimate relationships are the toughest and the first to bail from. I will have great weeks where I'm getting tons done, athletic, social, and then BAM life throws something that triggers me and I won't leave the house for weeks. My longest was three weeks so far. Some won't interact with society one ounce, some won't shower for days, some won't even leave a certain room. Some are able to really stuff it down and go be social but yet it's a total fake. They will have a certain thing they yourn for whether it be booze, drugs, sex, attention, gambling, it's all over the place. I'm not trying to say this to scare you but you wanted levels. Depending on how serious you two are I really recommend you getting a PTSD book for supporters as well as talk to lots of great supporters on their threads. It will give you lots of great info.
The best advice I can give you is if he left due to wanting space, definately don't blow up his phone with call attempts, I know you are concerned and while I would keep a heads up on him maybe through family or other contacts, don't push him too hard. He wants to be alone for a specific reason.
Good luck-R

 

[Friday]

... but I just wondered to what extremes do they go to to isolate themselves?

Most extreme? I'll never see that person again, ever.

Spoiler: Other kinds of extreme

Less extreme, same scale; I just recently went several years before contacting my best friend in the world, and have gone months & years on a few occasions not contacting my family, old friends, etc.

Extreme another way? Nameless, addressless, no phone/email... The only way for anyone to contact me is for me to contact them. This includes whether I've gone back of beyond, or am traveling, or am changing jobs/cities/countries on a frequent basis, or am stationary just not easy to find.

Less extreme same scale is that I may give someone a means/method to contact me when I'm otherwise unreachable / very difficult to find, or I may make contact with 1 or more persons on a semi-regular basis. So there's actually a way to reach me, even if it isn't an immediate way.

Other people think it's extreme (but I don't), is I have a habit of just getting on a plane, or driving away, or taking a hike for a few days/weeks. This one I just need space to clear my head. It's nowhere near as extreme as any of ^^^^, and far more like any of my *normal* isolation (which doesn't include walking away from my life & everyone/everything in it). This one, my life is still there, and I'm coming back to it. It still freaks people out. IDK why. I'm pretty clear when I'm coming back versus I'm not

My extreme isolation I literally walk away from my life. I don't expect it to still be there if/when I return.

How far other people go in their isolation? What's their extreme vs what's their normal? All going to be different.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Lets please not use "they" though. I am not PTSD, I am not BPD, I am not GAD, I am me, he is him, and you are you; which is why I posted that very awesome thread.

No one on this planet can predict how much or how little he will isolate just because we have PTSD, we dont do anything the same way, why would we isolate the same way? Everyone is different on how we think, how we feel, and how we do things. So he may move out everything and change his address and never speak to you again (hopefully not) but he may leave for the night and be better tomorrow.

Unsure really what you are looking for here. We are individuals so not one sufferer will do anything the same way.

 

[Kintsugi]

I usually isolate from everyone but "my person." But I am coming to the understanding that my way of attaching to people is really f*cking weird. "My person" could be a partner or a friend--someone I see or communicate with constantly. If I don't see or talk to "my person" for two days or more, though? I might never do so again.

Everyone outside that person aside from people I have to interact with because of work are subject to my depression's whim. Maybe I'll never speak to you again. Maybe I'll text you in a week. Maybe I'll text you in five years.

My ex-boyfriend once isolated so bad he lived in the woods for a few months. So. Different strokes, etc.

ETA: Your avatar pup is cute as all get-out.

 

[Renestel]

Okay I understand that may be a tender spot, so I should have used "my friends or my/their experiences". My intention is never to generalize and demean anyone on here. I am trying to just answer a question that I feel is very complex, loaded and that the person who is asking for help is very new to this whole microcosm. Sorry if I upset anyone.

 

[Sighs]

@lostforgottensoul - I get where you are coming from but labels are helpful because they describe things. If I tell you I need a chair that is more helpful than saying I need something which might be wooden, or metal, or leather or fabric, and might have arms and a back but maybe not and its used for sitting on.

My daughter is not her autism. But its really useful to explain or describe symptoms.

My vet is not his PTSD. But its really useful to explain or describe symptoms. And isolation is a major symptom of PTSD.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@lostforgottensoul I can appreciate not wanted to be marginalized or categorized, but this was discussed on the thread you posted. "They" can be used in several contexts... for example in place of "he" or "she" for a non-gender specific pronoun, or when talking about non-specific people. Nowhere did anybody say "they" referred to "all PTSD sufferers" in this thread.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My ex-boyfriend once isolated so bad he lived in the woods for a few months. So. Different strokes, etc.

Wow! But exactly! Diffetent folks different strokes. Ask one person with ANY disorder or no disorder at all "how do you do XYZ" you are going to get all different answers.

Just like a race or a gender preference doesnt want to be grouped as a whole "they" all do this or that, neither does someone with a certian, or in most cases, several mental disorders. The i am not 'they' has got to be the best thread i have ever read on here.

@Renestel you didnt upset me. The OP (not the person, what the person said) is a bit disturbing to me though. Its like saying "i have this [name race] boyfriend, will he beat me or leave me or [name action] or how do [name gender preference], how do "they" [name action]" its the exact same thing. I am not my mental disorders, i am me, human, an individual with my own brain as is the OPs boyfriend. I do, feel, think with my own individual way.

@Sighs so you can tell the OP that just because you have PTSD, if you do, how her boyfriend is going to react in his need to isolate? Seriously? Read Simply's post if you really think that grouping everyone whom has PTSD in this thread together to answer what they are asking.

Im sorry but I do have the right to stand up and state that people with PTSD arent their disorder and do things VERY differently.

Am I right to say that your daughter is going to hit her head on the wall and smear poop all over herself just because she falls SOMEWHERE on the VERY BROAD autistic spectrum? Really?

 

[Sweetpea76]

@lostforgottensoul, please keep this thread on topic.

 

[Renestel]

You really need to calm down.