DID Question for DID people - Do your parts have… ?

[binchilling]

I have a few questions for DID members on the forum, Do your parts have different genders and ages ? And do these parts continue to divide with traumas? And are all these alters theoretically you? And in addition, is it possible to create a holistic identity after treatment and become a single piece, that is, to reach your true self?

 

[Midnightmoon]

Do you have DID yourself, or questioning a diagnosis? DID presents itself as a pretty vast spectrum and I don't think it's a one size fits all/ tick the box diagnosis. Unfortunately DID has been heavily sensationalised by the media which make finding reliable and accessible content more challenging. CTAD clinic videos (based in the UK though) are a decent and reliable info source.

DID by it's very nature is a condition of defence, trying to blend in and craving passing as 'normal'. Many folk with the label don't exactly shout about it. My system is there for good reason and I would never consider highlighting it to anyone unless I had no choice. (Therapist exempt, who, unfortunately, can read everyone like a book)

I'm beginning a diagnosis pathway, already have the CPTSD label. I can't answer all of your questions, as I'm still very much on the early stages of all this myself, but, in terms of parts- well, yes, they're just that! Very different, but in one body (unfortunately, because god having a body each would solve many issues).

Part fusion is a sticky issue, some believe you can, some believe you can't... again, very individual.

 

[whiteraven]

Agree with @Midnightmoon.

I was diagnosed with DID years ago. I have parts of all ages and genders, and I even have a few animals. I don't hear much from any of them anymore, but after diagnosis and through therapy, I did think I gained an additional one. It is more likely, though, that that part was already there and just hidden. I believe they are all me, and while I didn't do integration the way so many think you should, I am, at this point less fragmented. I have known folks with DID who claimed to have integrated, then fragmented again. I don't believe we "create" a wholistic identity, but that the individual parts simply merge into the whole. So I am absolutely the sum of my parts.

 

[Sideways]

Do your parts have different genders and ages ? And do these parts continue to divide with traumas? And are all these alters theoretically you? And in addition, is it possible to create a holistic identity after treatment and become a single piece, that is, to reach your true self?

Different ages, yes. Different genders, no.

I have had additional parts created as an adult. It’s not so much that parts are ‘dividing’, it’s that my brain creates a distinct personality to deal with specific types of threatening or stressful situations.

All my parts are me. Which isn’t ‘theoretical’. It’s just a fact. I’m one single person - no matter how fragmented my sense of self might be.

My ‘true self’ is a person with a fragmented personality. It works well for me. Integrating’ parts into a single ‘whole’ was the typical goal of DID therapy back when it was called Multiple Personality Disorder. It’s no longer considered necessary, or even necessarily beneficial.

 

[binchilling]

…

P.Can I ask when and how you noticed the pieces? Have these been with you since childhood or did they emerge later?

 

[brokenpony]

like @Midnightmoon i am pretty early on in this so i don’t really know what i think, seem to go back and forth all the time on everything. i sometimes doubt i actually have it and then another day it makes more sense than anything.

i don’t know my parts very well yet. i am “covert” and also mostly still fearing them. but they are definitely different ages. i think that’s a key feature of “dissociated parts” because of how they form. i have gone through a lot of additional sexual and emotional abuse trauma in adulthood and i believe i have several “other” adult parts from this.

they are all female afaik, some more masculine and some more feminine in how they feel, express, etc. but my sexuality changes and generally feels in flux which is something i didn’t realize until i started working on things and “noticing” more, and looking back on certain behaviors.

i read clinical literature on DID trying to understand fact from fiction due to the “online DID” problem. i also watch the CTAD videos because they seem legitimate.

this forum feels like one of the last safe places to talk about it on the internet. everywhere else is full of teens and early 20-somethings playing what appears to be a mass roleplaying game. so just be careful where you look for support. because there is a lot of misinfo.

 

[binchilling]

Actually, I'm in my early 20s and I suspect DID because of dissociative symptoms. I don't know if I have different parts, I suffered some emotional abuse as a child, such as domestic discord. I can be quite childish at times and serious at other times, my memory is terrible but I never waste any time and my therapists never dwell on that.

 

[Midnightmoon]

P.Can I ask when and how you noticed the pieces? Have these been with you since childhood or did they emerge later?

My others have been there all through the childhood snapshots I can remember, but I thought it was normal. In my early 30s I met my very new T, who has started to give me the language for these experiences that I always assumed was how everyone else lived... I've always known their names etc.

New therapist is a clinical research therapist for discociative disorders , they notice stuff way before I do and sort of lays the pieces out for me to try and connect.

 

[binchilling]

My others have been there all through the childhood snapshots I can remember, but I thought it was normal. In my early 30s I met my very new T, who has started to give me the language for these experiences that I always assumed was how everyone else lived... I've always known their names etc.

New therapist is a clinical research therapist for discociative disorders , they notice stuff way before I do and sort of lays the pieces out for me to try and connect.

Good luck on your recovery journey, is having childhood ptsd enough for DID? What does this trauma severity depend on? Could emotional trauma or family conflict cause it?

 

[Wendell_R]

Do your parts have different genders and ages ? And do these parts continue to divide with traumas? And are all these alters theoretically you? And in addition, is it possible to create a holistic identity after treatment and become a single piece, that is, to reach your true self?

1. Our parts span a broad range of ages. We have both female and male parts, including a part that switched genders. They also have a range of sexualities.

2. Yes, division continued to happen into adulthood. Our first marriage was deeply traumatic and echoed our childhood trauma, and we have a handful of parts from that time. Last fall was stressful, and we had a partial split. Our therapist has recently suggested that we now have the resources as a system to deal with problems that come up without splitting off a part--in other words, to move away intentionally from splitting as a trauma defense mechanism.

3. All of our alters are me, period. A big step in therapy was recognizing that the main part in charge, Big Wendell, was in fact only one of many parts. A bigger step than that was realizing that Big Wendell in some senses was farther behind in development and more affected by trauma than other parts.

4. The more we are aware of all our parts, the happier and more well-adjusted we are. Our "holistic identity" is as a communicating system of parts. We also feel deeply that that community of parts is our true self. We don't feel nearly as close to our peers at work, for example, as we do to our DID friends with whom we can share the experiences of all our parts. We are having parts that blend together, are change in age so as to group together with similar ages, so we can see how some folks do have a reduction in parts. But for us, that is incidental to the increased sense of communication and working together that we seek.

Could emotional trauma or family conflict cause it?

Yes. We have been sexually and physically abused, but it's very clear to us that the really deep and damaging stuff was emotional neglect tied to family conflict.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Good luck on your recovery journey, is having childhood ptsd enough for DID? What does this trauma severity depend on? Could emotional trauma or family conflict cause it?

My understanding is a bit of a hybrid between my past life brain as an RMN and my patient brains now. I am very, very quick to fall into dissociation today so sorry in advance if this doesn't flow very well!

There isn't 'trauma top trumps'. Trauma is trauma, it looks very different dependant on so many factors, but your basics like age, level of external support system, environment, physical health etc etc etc. The list of factors could be countless.

I personally really like elements of Carolyn Springs take on trauma and dissociation, how it's shaped and how it's healed, but you'll find 101 different opinions out there and I guess it's about what feels right for you.

Being able to accept trauma as what it is is no easy task...I've been trying for years and still I feel like I'm the biggest liar out there who I only a second away as being outed for failing to just cope with life like a normal person. Being one of a system this makes it harder still, as I'm trying to take on board opinions that are completely at odds from my own, but come from the same body.

If it's something you want to explore with your T, take it slowly and see where you go, just be sure that they are skilled in the areas of trauma and dissociation- many claim they are... (A three day course doesn't make you a trauma expert)

 

[binchilling]

My understanding is a bit of a hybrid between my past life brain as an RMN and my patient brains now. I am very, very quick to fall into dissociation today so sorry in advance if this doesn't flow very well!

There isn't 'trauma top trumps'. Trauma is trauma, it looks very different dependant on so many factors, but your basics like age, level of external support system, environment, physical health etc etc etc. The list of factors could be countless.

I personally really like elements of Carolyn Springs take on trauma and dissociation, how it's shaped and how it's healed, but you'll find 101 different opinions out there and I guess it's about what feels right for you.

Being able to accept trauma as what it is is no easy task...I've been trying for years and still I feel like I'm the biggest liar out there who I only a second away as being outed for failing to just cope with life like a normal person. Being one of a system this makes it harder still, as I'm trying to take on board opinions that are completely at odds from my own, but come from the same body.

If it's something you want to explore with your T, take it slowly and see where you go, just be sure that they are skilled in the areas of trauma and dissociation- many claim they are... (A three day course doesn't make you a trauma expert)

I didn't even know I had trauma until recently, it's not like I denied my trauma because it wasn't really about me. So I don't even know how to approach this

Also, does processing and recovering from the trauma reduce or to end the symptoms? I'm considering starting to work with a trauma therapist