Question for ptsd suffererers: sudden break up

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@rickyduds please log in to your account to reply

 

[rickyduds]

...

It means she's getting help, but sometimes it takes a number of years before a suffe...

I'm sorry for what happened to you. There are sick people in this world, I hope you've found good ones to fill your life.

My ex is a psychotherapist, so if anyone can figure it out I hope it's her. I want her back.. and because I know there's a chance she pulls out of numbness, I don't see myself being able to close that hope. I thought this girl was the one, I can't close that chapter unless months from now she feels the same way she does now.

Can I ask what happens in therapy? I don't see how a therapist could say "Yes, it's totally normal to break up with the love of your life and feel nothing for him" and not address numbness.

I also don't see how this can be worked on without her being in a relationship - aren't relationships the main problem? Wouldn't a therapist encourage her to figure it out with a guy she loves? I'm obviously naive, but with something like panic attacks or irrational fears, I know exposure therapy can help.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm sorry for what happened to you. There are sick people in this world, I hope you've found good one...

There are lots of different types of therapies so it's impossible for me to guess what's happening between her and her therapist, unfortunately.

I'm betting she hasn't told her therapist much of anything about this breakup, but even if she has, it's not up to the therapist to tell her what she should or should not do. I rarely talk to my therapist about numbness even though it happens enough for me.

Yes, most PTSD experts recommend healing in the context of supportive relationships (not necessarily partnerships). But, at the end of the day, if she decides she doesn't want to be with you, it doesn't matter if it's PTSD influenced or not. She has a right to say she doesn't want to be with you.

I advise moving on and not contacting her anymore. Your behavior could become stalkerish and make her feel unsafe. She has been very clear that she doesn't want to have contact with you.

 

[rickyduds]

There are lots of different types of therapies so it's impossible for me to guess what's happenin...

I could see her perceiving me contacting her as stalkerish if I keep doing it, but I have no intention of contacting her for another 6 weeks or so, and when I do it's just to tell her I passed my exam (hopefully) and maybe offer support. I'm not a stalker, I've reached out a few times over two weeks to ask for the closure any sane person would want in this situation. I'm someone who is having trouble moving on because I know it's possible she pulls out of numbness, and not having that closure (which I know she can't give me now) is tough.

 

[EveHarrington]

I could see her perceiving me contacting her as stalkerish if I keep doing it, but I have no intentio...

I don't understand what kind of closure you're looking for. She is done. She doesn't want to talk to you because closure for you means she is going to have to be vulnerable and put herself out there emotionally. Can you see why she doesn't want to (or can't do this)?

I can't stress enough how much you're running on assumptions that don't necessarily apply to those with PTSD.

 

[rickyduds]

Absolutely understand, at the end of my email I said "take as much time as you need to answer this, even if it takes years." I know how difficult it is for her to talk about feelings, so in 6 weeks when I message her, I'm not going to bring it up. I'm hoping that will start a dialogue, and she'll not feel that stress towards me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can I ask why you're holding on so long?

I guess I just don't understand this part.

 

[rickyduds]

She's the love of my life - if there's a chance, how can I give up this quickly? I know her feelings are there, we had the most romantic 6 months of anybody I've ever met. We met at a bar in New York, she lived in Texas. We wrote letters. We traveled to meet each other in 10 different cities, always having an amazing time, it was a whirlwind. We drove across the country together. I surprised her in Europe for her birthday. She told me I made her believe in fate, that I'm the one, that I'm the love of her life.

 

[EveHarrington]

But that's the thing, you don't know here feelings are there. You know they were there.

I urge you to read as much as you can on PTSD. I'm a bit concerned about your situation. It's not uncommon for supporters to come here after a whirlwind honeymoon period that ended with their sufferer disappearing. You do realize this was the honeymoon period, right? It's easy to have a fabulous time with someone when it's just broken up into a series of vacations and you two haven't spent a significant amount of time together in "real life" dealing with the ins and outs of daily living.

 

[rickyduds]

You're right, I don't know that. But because I know they were there before, they've gotta be buried under that numbness. And I'm hoping if I approach her after some time in a non-stressful manner, and she realizes I'm not a threat, they'll come back. But who knows. I'm a fool in love, I'm going to try

And of course it was a honeymoon phase, who knows if it would have worked out. But it's been the best thing I've had at age 30, so I will kick myself when I'm old if I let possibly the one get away without trying

 

[Nessa7]

I don't know if you are still upset that your ex-girlfriend hasn't met with you, but I am not sure if you are fully understanding the extent of the numbness she might be experiencing. I think might help to keep in mind that this isn't something that is just emotional or mental. It is tied to the way her brain physically functions. I'd compare it to a building that has blown a fuse. I would compare it to someone that has amnesia. She might intellectually remember that she loved you, but she could be completely unable to tap into that feeling or even remember what it was like. You could already tell that she was faking her feelings to some extent in your last argument. Imagine what it would be like to look at your girlfriend while you are grieving the end of your relationship and see indifference. She might actually be doing the kinder thing by not meeting with you.

 

[rickyduds]

I don't know if you are still upset that your ex-girlfriend hasn't met with you, but I am not sure if yo...

But is there a chance she "snaps out" of the amnesia? Is there a chance? That's all I need to know.