Question For Sufferers About Your Home "safe Space"

[LoveHimThroughIt]

Do you consider your home to be your "safe space?" If yes, and you normally live alone, would it cause you anxiety to have someone stay there when you were not there?

If you did have someone stay at your home when you're not there, would it only be someone who means a lot to you or that you trust implicitly?

 

[Peach]

As a supporter, I can share my experience. I met my veteran online, it wasn't a dating site, neither of us expected to develope any relationship at all. It should have been a one and done conversation.:)

We wrote and skyped for over a year before we met. He let me stay in his home for 2 weeks for that initial meeting. He didn't have any problem taking naps, knowing that I was right there and would have the opportunity to do whatever I wanted while he was asleep. He even asked me to wake him up a couple of times after we had a late day out which, therefore, pushed his nap back and he didn't what to sleep too late and screw up the night. Oh, he also sleeps with his (upstairs) bedroom door open, says he's slept in too many tiny, closed off rooms. He gave me a house key, so I could come and go as I chose. We kept our electronics and wallets out and accessible most of the time. I had tried to offer him £400 ($600) for letting me stay with him, but he refused. So there were many, many times either one of us could have snooped or stolen from the other. We cooked together, which involves knives, of course. He didn't mind me squeezing by him in tight spaces or standing behind him when I had to. In public, he was more concerned with just knowing where I was so he could keep me safe if something happened.

Hope that helps. I'm sure it's different for everyone. I would say, yes, his home is his safe place, not because he is afraid elsewhere, but simply because hypervigilance is exhausting and his home provides him with a quiet, calm, relaxing place to destress and unwind. I think he showed a great amount of trust to allow me into his space. I'm honored.

To address a bit more of your angle of being in someone's house without them there...I don't have PTSD, but I wouldn't let someone stay in my house without me if I didn't trust them to respect my property. I can't imagine anyone would.

 

[anonymous]

would it cause you anxiety to have someone stay there when you were not there?

Yes. A lot.

someone who means a lot to you or that you trust implicitly?

I don't trust anyone implicitly, but even having someone close to me stay in my house while I wasn't there would cause me massive anxiety.

 

[LoveHimThroughIt]

Thank you for the reply @Peach. The in person Dynamic between me and my Vet is exactly as you described. Quick summary is that my current home is about 12 hours away but I am moving to his area. I am in process of moving my stuff to a storage unit and then continuing to a friends house 5 hours further (in yet another state) for the Holiday Season. The original plan was for me to stop and stay with him to break up my drive, but he had a family emergency come up and he will be going out of town. He is letting me still stop by and stay at his house overnight so that I don't try to drive too tired. I was a bit awestruck by his willingness to do that because he is in full withdrawl due to anniversaries, and the current war/terrorism situation. I was pleasantly surprised and I feel that this shows a level of trust in me that I was not aware he had (since our relationship is on the newer side). I don't want to read into this, but I suspect that this is a big step for him to let me stay there while he is in another part of the country.

 

[LoveHimThroughIt]

Yes. A lot.

I don't trust anyone implicitly, but even having someone close to me stay in my house whi...

So if you were to willingly offer this up as an option, what would that mean? That would be something HUGE for you?

 

[Friday]

I can live just about anywhere. That doesn't make it my home. Home = Sanctuary.

As far as who I let into my home? It very much depends.

The more I trust someone, the more important they are to me, the less likely it is I'll invite them in. Whether I'm there or not. Mostly this has to do with how easy it is for me to throw them back out, as well as a side bit on how willing I am to be tracking them down later & settling scores, if they've f*cked with me. The more I trust someone? The more important they are to me? Also means how much ability they have to change the atmosphere, compared to how little someone I don't trust does. Essentially there's a line... At a certain point, once crossed, it becomes shared territory. Whether friend/lover/etc. It's still mine, but they essentially have a free pass to come and go as they please with very little constraint. Up until someone reaches that line? Things tend to be a bit edgy if there is any trust or importance there at all. If there isn't? Come on in. f*ck with me, though, and I'll find you.

On the complete opposite side of the fence... If I mistrust someone? No f*cking way. Not while I'm there, and sure as hell not while I'm not there.

 

[LoveHimThroughIt]

I can live just about anywhere. That doesn't make it my home. Home = Sanctuary.

As far as who I le...

I guess the question is - in what circumstances would you allow someone to be in your home unattended?

 

[anonymous]

if you were to willingly offer this up as an option, what would that mean?

I think they only way I would be able to offer it would be if it was someone I cared about and they were desperately in need of a place to stay.
Yes it would be huge, for me, you'd need to ask the person concerned what it means to them though. Could be completely different.

 

[Friday]

the question is - in what circumstances would you allow someone to be in your home unattended...

Hundreds of circumstances. Really, far too many to list.

That's why I split it into how much I trust someone &/or how important they are to me.

Mistrust - No circumstance.
No / Little Trust - A lot to most circumstances; I'll leave the light on for ya.
High trust - Very few -if any- circumstances; and even then I'm gonna be edgy as f*ck
Threshold - All circumstances :)

***
ETA
I can seem very easy going to a lot of people, because of that double bell curve. People think I trust them more than I do. Conversely, I can seem pretty aloof to a lot of people, because I get weird where trust is involved. I don't let a lot of people even get near that threshold, much less cross it. I suspect the double bell is in part because I spent 5-7 years in shared living; squad bays, barracks, tents, hangers, et cetera. I don't have to be willing to trust you to let you in my territory. I have to be willing to f*ck you up if you cross me. That's most people.

 

[Lionheart]

Family, I only trust family to be alone in my home when I am absent. That doesn't mean I would not come to trust someone else, just that the likelihood of that happening isn't very high. Otherwise, it would have to be a room mate that I know and trust and even then, it would be difficult for me.

 

[LoveHimThroughIt]

Thank you all for your feedback. I was genuinely surprised. My Vet is not up to communicating about how he's feeling right now, so I cannot ask him what this means to him, but eventually I will, when he lets me know that the time is right. I'm just a little mind blown by the surprise.

 

[Anrish]

My home is my safe place. I share a flat with my best friend since August and she's the only one I trust enough. I had to share a flat with my sister for six weeks some years ago and I was always anxious.

It's even complicated when my best friend invites people who might even stay over night. I feel very uncomfortable then and like my flat ain't my flat anymore. They feel like intruders I have to avoid...